you WILL feel better! the only way i can describe it is when i woke up i felt CLEAN, i could tell that sickness was gone, gone forever.
Now i did of course have surgery pain, and i wont lie to you and tell you it was all puppy dogs and fluffy clouds, it sucked. but look at it this way, surgery pain goes away, and fairly quickly, but that pain from UC would never ever go away. I even kind of thought of it like childbirth. I had stomach cramps when i had flares with UC that were as bad as labor pains, but i got nothing out of them, but with surgery and childbirth i got a new life with surgery and a baby with the other! both wonderful things.
My son was my major reason for finally having surgery i didn't want to miss his whole life, i had already missed too much, and i had made that baby spend way too much time in the bathroom with me and i wasn't doing it anymore.
It's totally normal for you to feel scared and be afraid of dying during surgery, i mean they tell you you might die when you go for the consultation. I dont know how to tell you not to worry about that, i think it's just something you have to put up with. But i think you should try to concentrate on thigns you will be able to do after surgery, to kind of get your mind off it. I would do that alot, i would think, i will get to eat that salad my husband is eating, i will get to go out and play with my son like my Dad is doing.
And you will be amazed that after surgery you will find little things, everyday (i still do after over a year and half) that make you glad you had surgery. For instance, today i sat here and ate candy until my teeth hurt, something i never could have done pre surgery. And you will love that you can say, i HAD UC, or when i WAS sick, it's some of the greatest things you will ever say! And you will also find that after a while you ttoally forget you have the bag at all. It will be hard to belive at first, and you may even see it for the first time and think OMG what did i do??? I did, because fair warning, the stuff that comes out is this nasty green stuff, that smells like death warmed over. BUT, before you freak out, that goes away after you start eating. I really wish someone had told me that before surgery, lol.
Anyway, i hope i helped you feel a little better, i tend to ramble and soemtimes i wonder if anything i say makes any sense, lol.
good luck and if you have any more questions ask away!