Hi Amanda, don't be so hard on yourself. You are still recovering from major surgeries and changes to your body and life.
I don't have UC and I haven't had any major surgeries but I know I hit a brick wall after each of my children's births. Two weeks after each of them (all 3) were born I literally just stopped doing anything that wasn't a necessity. That included getting dressed, anything around the house, even getting the mail. My mom was very astute and came over. She made me get dressed and made me walk to the mailbox (which was right outside our front door). Then a few hours later she made me walk to the end of the driveway and back again. Over the next few weeks she would come by (almost daily) and make me do something. She went with me when I first went to the store with a baby and a stroller.
My husband is wonderful and very helpful but it was my mom who knew just what I needed and what to say and how to make me get to the next level.
I am sure your husband is great too and is just so happy that you are healthy. But is there someone else in your life who can come over and just focus on you? Be the person who pushes you jsut for your sake. I hope this makes sense.
I also agree that maybe you need to have your AD meds readjusted. And therapy is also great in my book. Take baby steps.
BTW you mentioned why can't you be your normal self? Because you were sick for so long and then went through surgeries (and are still recovering) that who knows what is normal anymore. Reinvent a new, improved "normal" for yourself. And don't forget to paint your toenails red! (Love that comment you have.)
--Mom of bratcat (17 years old) and nonamejames (20 years old)--
Daughter bratcat was diagnosed with pancolitis October 2006
Flared Fall 2006, Fall 2007, Spring 2008
Asacol, Rowasa, hydrocortisone enemas, prednisone, 6-mp, Remicade
7/3/08-Step 1 j-pouch surgery and no more meds!
11/10/08-Step 2 reconnect!
Son nonamejames was diagnosed with Crohns in Spring 2008
Asacol, Pentasa, 6-mp