when someone is sick

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 3/8/2009 4:23 PM (GMT -6)   
I just wondered this last night, when we find out someone is sick, our first thought is, oh we need to go see them, or at least that's i think and most of the people i know.  This came up beacuse my friend tim's mom is sick, not deathly or anything. 
But the first thing everyone said, was are you gonna go see her?  (they dont see her alot she lives a good ways off) but i thought, you know everytime someone hears a person is sick with something more than a cold or something, we automatically feel like we need to go see them.
But really, when i am sick, the last thing i want is a bunch of people coming to see me!  And sometimes the people that come see you are people that you NEVER talk to just coming to see you, cause you are sick.
Anybody ever think about this?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 511
   Posted 3/8/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -6)   
I know exactly what you mean. Not only did I go through a little of that with my surgery and all, but my grandma is not doing well and has been going through a long stint in the hospital. She had another heart attack yesterday and I wanted to see her, but I know she needs the rest. I'll hopefully go out to see her this evening and bring her some of my homemade gourmet mac and cheese...YUM!

Anyway, I do completely understand what you're talking about and I think it's wise to give the sick some space. Now, being on a terminal state and knowing you may not get the opportunity again is a different story.
: )  Robin
28 year old Mommy of an amazing 1 year old and Wife for 2 years!
Dx-May 2007 Moderate/Severe Pancolitis - failed all medications
Proctocolectomy w/ permanent ileostomy on 02/06/09!!!
"Your mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open."  -Unknown

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 3/8/2009 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I didn't mind so much when I had my c-section but I literally banned people from visiting when I got my ileostomy. Thankfully, they were respectful of my wishes. I don't mind some friends and family visiting but hospital stays always bring out the relatives I don't ever want to see...let alone when I feel like death.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 3/8/2009 8:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh--Robinbyrd--feel free to post your recipe! Sounds delish!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 3/8/2009 9:36 PM (GMT -6)   

I was in severe pain after my first colon surgery. I was a real mess! Needed 2 blood transfusions, had 2 tubes coming out of my hips that drained into two cups (nurses call them grenades?), that were pinned to my gown, I had 2 incisions to check, a temporary colostomy, my period came 10 days early and I had to wear a sanitary belt again. I was old enough to remember what a sanitary belt was (had to explain all of this to a young nurse).

Then I had well meaning friends and neighbors calling my room at all hours.

At one point I had what I call a mini-breakdown. I had the sweetest ET nurse. She let me cry, patted my hand and listened to me. My phone rang again, she asked if I wanted phone calls, I said no...not really. Done she said. She had my phone turned off. I could still call my husband but no one could call me - oh thank you I said! Then I explained that 5 friends that I have known since high school wanted to come and "have lunch with me".....well, I was still on ice chips! No bowel sounds yet. I was also minutes away from that awful pink sponge on a stick phase (until my vision cleared I thought it was a sucker but the mean nurses kept yanking it from my mouth!)......she marched out to the front desk and asked for scotch tape, a marker and large piece of paper. She posted a note that said - no visitors, inquire at the desk - I wanted to hug her but I was in so much pain. My door was closed. Closed! Again, I appreciated her stepping in to stop the madness for this patient.

Consequently, for my take down surgery 2 months later I told about 3 people I was having that surgery. Then when it was over and all my IBS-like fun (ha!) began, I was already at home, and no one was visiting. Friends and family all said - but we wanted to visit, you snuck into the hospital without telling any of us.

Oh yes I did!

Smartest thing I did in relation to all this medical "fun".....LOL

Now as a result I never, ever visit a patient in the hospital until I hear these words from the actual patient - I'm up for visitors, come visit.

You really do need rest and quiet when you're recovering from major surgery. This whole area of surgery is not a walk in the park!

So in a wordy way, boy do I ever agree with you!

Marsky/Mary's story.....
- Diagnosed with rectal cancer, April 1999 - Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, given temporary colostomy)
- Colostomy reversal, June 1999
- Left with IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's every day
- On a low residue diet at least 75% of the time
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening

All in all I do okay, I just use the bathroom A LOT! But I survived and beat cancer!

Post Edited (Marsky) : 3/8/2009 8:39:07 PM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 3/8/2009 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   
yes, PLEASE post the recipe! I love mac & cheese!!
thanks, Dusti

Diagnosed with colonic inertia at 13 years old, had my colon removed.
Diagnosed with rectal inertia at 16 years old, had my rectum removed and had a jpouch made.
Diagnosed with small bowel inertia at 18 years old, and got an ileostomy wich I still have. I am 27 now.
If you want to know more, just ask me!
"Don't worry about failure, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try"

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 3/9/2009 11:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone,
i always felt about the whole vistitation things as an up and down roleercoaster. When I had my first surgery, my rectal prolapse, I really did not want visitors, but within a couple of days, I did. When I was about to go in for the second surgery, I did want visitors, but you get people who even though after telling them you wanted them always come up with the idea that you will be too sick or something. So what I did is when I knew how long i would stay, I thought about when I would want visitors, by going through my scenerios of how I might feel right after the surgery and the other days I would be in the hosptial. Well, the very first couple of days, I would probably not want visitors, given the fact that not only I would still be in pain and need all the rest of having a surgery, but the pain killers, especiall the morphine can cause me to become not myself, where I coild be switching moods like a snap, so I had to consider that If I ened up with vistiors during that period of heavy meds, they would have came for nothing, especially the second I would see them, and then send them off. Then after a couple of days, on the third day, have them call the hospital room or even the nurse, so that before they come, they would no if I wanted visitors or not, usually I say yes. Then On the fourth day to the rest of the stay, I would especially appreciate visitors, and would actually love the company, especially after a lonely, rough couple of days, the vistiation will make you feel better that you have people that love you and you need all of the assurance you can get. That is how I would predict the situation and discuss it with potential visitors before hand, and you can tell them even if the whole entire time they call you first if they are iffy, that would be okay too, especially if you get a roommate that is annoying and would not allow you too sleep on some nights. Unfortuanatley, with my sceond surgery, I was only in the hospital for four days, so I only had visitors only once, but the positive thing was I just had them come on over, and since I was in the comfort of my own home, it was much more easier and less stressful, since I was in my most familiar environment. Well, I hope this helps with some of your concerns. This is pretty much how I approach things, and boy it helps me and my family and friends alot.

Rectal Prolapse Surgery: December 2006
diagnosed with slow transit constipation: June 2008
total colectomy with ileo-rectal anamastosis: Aug 7, 2008
Numerous food intolerances (gluten,lactose,msg,etc)

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