Posted 4/21/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -7)
I haven't been on here in a while. Sorry. I have been so focused on getting so much done prior to this surgery. I had honestly hoped to had this surgery done by now, but here I sit, not even in for pre-op yet.
My first appt was scheduled for last Thursday. They called me that morning and cancelled. Apparently, one of the 4 docs was on vacation, so they were down to 3, then 1 of the 3 docs somehow broke his leg, so now they are down to 2 docs! So, they moved me to Wed, I mean they SQUEEZED me into an appt at the end of the day so we had plenty of time to talk. Then, my nurse calls today..they just can't make it work, so they re-scheduled me for Thursday. I'm so frustrated. Bless my nurse and doc because they missed me at home (I was conked out on the couch) so they called my work (work for my parents) and my mom talked to them and my nurse was very apologetic about it.
So, here I sit. And, it seems to closer I get to it all, the more I question it. I ordered the catolog from Edgepark, also got The Ostomy Book, and convatec (which is made by bristol myers squibb - which is LITERALLY down the street from me!) sent me 4 free bags - 2 one piece and 2 two piece.
I'm overwhelmed and frustrated. Trying to get stuff situated. I have a great support system, but there is so much going on. Because I've been off work for nearly a month, I've developed insomnia. I have been dealing heavily with anxiety and it causes me to just basically sit up at night and worry about anything and everything. I'm on loratabs and phenergan nearly round the clock. I'm just flat scared I'm jumping the gun with the ostomy. But, yet, if I were to try and work.. I could work maybe 1-2 horus a day and then I'd be wiped. That's the issue I guess... I have enough energy to function a tad, so me being off work sort of mask the whole reasoning.. I'm SURE if I started back to work tomorrow, I'd be back in the ER in pain within the week because I'd be over-exerting mysefl again. But, the reality is, I can't take care of my daughter... I can't work, etc.. I NEED to do this... I NEED for this to be the right decision, but as the dates are approaching and the further things get pushed back..I"m just not dealing well with this.
Sorry, I just needed to vent :?
Kaycie - Age: 26
Crohn's - Dx Nov 05
Failed Remicade, Failed Clinical Trial ABT-874/Aisle 12, Failed Humira. Onto Tsyabri. If I fail that, total colectomy.
IVF #1 (In-Vitro Fertilization) - Failed
IVF #2 - IVIg, Heparin, Baby Aspirin - TWIN GIRLS!!!
Reagan Dawn - 8/2/07 - Lived 1 hour 27 minutes due to Cloaca, NOT affiliated with my Crohn's
Addison Maria - 8/2/07 - 20 months old