I was nesting too prior to surgery. You do go through many mixed emotions before hand too...this is a crazy time!
I know how scary it is preparing to have an organ removed...and then to be left with an ileostomy. It's really not like we just decided one day to have our colon removed. But you know what? Having had my proctocolectomy I feel great! My ileo is wonderful, and though it takes time to find an appliance that's best for you, you are going to be pain free. I tell everyone the best feeling is to have no feeling at all! Most of us completely understand the constant tummy pain and frequent runs to the bathroom. My UC effected my time with my infant son (at the time) and it was horrible! I hated having to lay him down and run to the bathroom only to be in excrutiating pain all the while listening to my baby cry.
I was on Prednisone for almost two years and it was the worst medication...that and Remicaid. Together they attacked my immune system, caused a massive weight gain, and made me super pissy and emotional. I wasn't able to lose weight unless I fasted, which is silly, and I was tired of being swollen all the time. My face was horribly round and poofy. I also had the hump at the base of my neck on my back, and my ankle bones were M.I.A. I wasn't able to eat most veggies, dairy products and most fruits with seeds (which are my favorite). Now I'm able to eat just about whatever I want. I enduldged in some peanuts a week ago or so ago, and though I chomped the heck out of them I did okay. I'm eating strawberries, shredded lettuce, mustard...just all kinds of goodness!!! : )
You are making a very brave and courageous decision. You are taking control and taking your life back! It's kind of emotional as you start living again. The things you didn't realize were effected by your disease will begin to become apparent, and it's just unbelievable how awesome every moment becomes.
I wish you the best...and I know you'll be strong. You are an inspiration to those around you, as you are proving that we do control our lives and that we can take the bull by the horns!!! Yea for you!!!!
: ) Robin