in need of support

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/8/2004 11:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello all:
I am a 28 year old man, with a colostomy. I have had it for about 6 weeks now, and am coping adaquately. Not long ago, my colon perferated from Diverticulitis. Of course, I didn't know this until it was too late, and spent a couple of weeks in the hospital after having a portion of my colon removed (one in ICU with pneumonia and septic blood). Anyhow, I have miraculously recovered nicely, and fortunately will be able to have the ostomy reversed in the future.
I had put myself in a frame of mind that it wouldn't be long before the procedure, and if I chose, I could have it done in a month or so. My surgeon recommends a longer wait, especially after what my body has been through...I agree.
So, my wife is due with our first child (a son) in January. I refuse to have any procedure done to myself close to her due date, so after discussion with my surgeon and wife, I have decided to wait until sometime next year to have it done.
I know that I am fortunate to have the opportunity to reverse it, but I can't stop feeling sorry for myself. I know that the decision I have made is, in essence, the first sacrifice I have made as a father, and anything that will protect my wife and son is what I want.
Maybe I just need someone from here (or anywhere, for that matter) to tell me what a selfish ass I am being about this, and to shut up. After all, I am lucky to have even lived through my illness. I am seeing a counselor weekly, but I feel that even they don't completely understand what I am going through.
My question to you: Were the first days the hardest days? And, what advice can you give to ease my mind?  Thanks to you for taking the time to read this. I already feel better having taken the time to type it out.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/9/2004 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
ok, I guess this place doesn't get too much traffic...I have it set to let me know if I get a response, and will be glad to hear from you

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 815
   Posted 9/11/2004 9:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear you got a bag ! At least you will be able to get rid of it down the road. I had an ileostmy for 6 months, the only thing that cheered me up was the day they set the reversal date !! It could always be worse. Best of luck !

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2003
Total Posts : 335
   Posted 9/13/2004 11:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there.

I think somtimes that the way in which we end up with a bag can make a difference to how we deal with it once we have it.

In my case I had to have an Ileostomy because medications for Ulcerative colitis were no longer working.I had UC for nearly 25 years before my operation in January 2003.So for me just having the freedom from feeling sick,bleeding and running to the toilet every few minuets was wonderful.

If you were not feeling too ill with symptoms though or for someone that has to have a stoma due to maybe a car accident or somthing else,then i am sure that suddenly waking up to find this alien thing on your stomach with a bag hanging off it would take a lot more getting used to.

No you are not being selfish.We all deal with things in different ways,and how you feel is how you feel and you don't have to feel guilty for that.

Take one day at a time,try to think of all the posatives such as the birth of your baby etc,and as time goes on you will gradualy learn to cope with things.

It realy is very early days yet.Give yourself time to adjust,and don't let anyone push you into doing things that you don't feel ready for.I know from personal experience that a trip to the supermarket,or going for a drink down the pub can seem like a big mountain to climb when you are still adjusting to the changes with your body.Like i said one day at a time and i am sure you will be fine.

Best wishes and come back and let us know how things go,with you and your wife and baby.


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 9/20/2004 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   

yeah  Hello hatfieldsbrother, i have crohn's and had the ileostomy for 10 years now and i am sorry you feel sorry for youself i did when they told me that it was there for life you will stop feeling sorry for you self from getting support from family and friends and i am sure your wife helps you a lot..... i am 28 years old and sometimes i still feel bad for myself but i look at it this way i am still alive and can help other people that have crohn's or the ileostomy because i went threw it so any time you need some one to complain to or just need someone to talk to you  are more then welcome to my email me anytime


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 9/23/2004 8:17 PM (GMT -6)   
i feel the same as jewelsmillon,i got it at 27 and was in shock for a year. now i look back and am so glad to have it done and over with.
im able now to help others going thru it. i am 50 now and i congradulations on your new baby!

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 9/25/2004 3:16 PM (GMT -6)   

My hubby Ralph, age 64 as am I,  just had his colostomy on 9/10 after going to emergency on 9/5 with severe left side pain.  He had diverticulitis of the sigmoid colon with perforation (after the 2nd CT scan on 9/10, the surgeon decided he was getting worse with a large infected area and removed 10 inches or so of his sigmoid and because the infection was so great opted to do a colostomy.  We are dealing with this together and so far we're doing okay.  We have a process going that works well for us and so far he has not emptied his pouch by himself.  Since we are both retired this works for us and I want to be there for him.  He's using the Hollister CenterPointLock drainage pouch and since it attaches like Tupperware we've had to leakage problem so far.  We will probably just stay with this brand/type as it works so well.  We use one of the triangular graduates to empty into (I add some soap in the bottom) to keep from making a splashy mess as he can't stoop down as yet.  I use a spray bottle and clean out the inside of the pouch in this manner, sometimes squirting and cleaning 2-3 times.  We then use Pam spray inside the bag after the cleanup.  We tried the new Adapt deodorizer/lubricant but it did nothing but make it sticky so went back to using Pam.  We wish everyone well on this board.

Jan & Ralph in beautiful TN :-)   


Regular Member

Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 10/28/2004 7:55 PM (GMT -6)   

Just like everyone else. Take it day by day. I have had mine for almost a year. Reversal didn't work,was a bit depressed. Being single thought no one would want me,with a bag hanging from me. You soon get over that and start living again. You are What you are. Bag or not.
I now live my life like how it was before 2years with UC, and not being able to work. I'm now incontrol of my life again and loving it! I see it as the best of a bad bunch of illness'.
from what they say,once your baby arrives,you'll be too busy.
Be strong,life does get better.
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