This may be a long post - sorry!
While it took my bum FOREVER (up to 1 year) to heal, I never was told not to sit on the toilet. Is that a directive from your ET or doctor? What is the difference between sitting on a chair or sitting on the toilet? You will have to forgive me, I don't know what your mobility issues are with your other health problem so I don't know what limitations you have. So ... I am concerned why MIL is still there (I would wash my hands in any ol' sink just to piss her off). I was THANKFUL my partner went right back to work (taking a couple of hours each day for 6 weeks of radiation was hard enough!) and my mom left 4 days after I got home. I am a very private person so I needed to learn how to take care of myself right away (packing my bum, cleaning up after myself, yada, yada). It was hard but ...
I have Crohn's so I have output about
every 2-3 hours. If I am out and about
I will take codeine to slow it down a bit. I don't ever use a squirt bottle, so I guess I can't recommend anything on that issue but I am sure as you get out there, you will get use to what you need to take with you as far as a 'kit'. I used to pack my purse with a boat load of items!!! Now if I am going out locally, I just carry a one-piece mini bag 'just in case.' It doesn't take up any room (fits in my pocket!) and it will hold me until I get back home. I can always redo it then with my regular eakin seal and two piecer.
As far as the tail digging in to you, that sometimes hurts us 'God's Gifts' too
. There's men's and women's underwear that have pockets for bags (as Elli mentioned) that kind of put a 'buffer' between bag and skin. One of the places is: http://www.ostomysecrets.com/ The gal that started the company has an ostomy herself.
As far as sleeping - I admit I was EXTREMELY depressed. I took Ativan, it helped me relax and sleep. I also kept busy as I physically and mentally could during the day to help keep my mind off of what I went through. I went camping with girlfriends after one month, sore bum and all. Nothin' like the great outdoors to quickly learn how to stand and poop like men pee! And, no one cared where I washed my hands ... Oh. Back to MIL. I think ANYONE would be depressed with a person like her around when trying to cope with such a mentally and physically exhausting surgery. Plus, I wouldn't be able to sleep in a bed that wasn't MINE or without my significant other for very long. We don't have a guest room, thank goodness ....
Didn't you mention that your pastor said he would help you? I would take advantage of that and send MIL packing. Sorry, I just don't think she is helping you in anyway recover, in fact, quite the reverse. Just my opinion, and like they say "Opinions are like ... oh ... wait ... never mind.
Crohn's Disease, Colostomy due to cancer and I make darned good dill pickles.