Open main menu ☰
HealingWell
Search Close Search
Health Conditions
Allergies Alzheimer's Disease Anxiety & Panic Disorders Arthritis Breast Cancer Chronic Illness Crohn's Disease Depression Diabetes
Fibromyalgia GERD & Acid Reflux Irritable Bowel Syndrome Lupus Lyme Disease Migraine Headache Multiple Sclerosis Prostate Cancer Ulcerative Colitis

View Conditions A to Z »
Support Forums
Anxiety & Panic Disorders Bipolar Disorder Breast Cancer Chronic Pain Crohn's Disease Depression Diabetes Fibromyalgia GERD & Acid Reflux
Hepatitis Irritable Bowel Syndrome Lupus Lyme Disease Multiple Sclerosis Ostomies Prostate Cancer Rheumatoid Arthritis Ulcerative Colitis

View Forums A to Z »
Log In
Join Us
Close main menu ×
  • Home
  • Health Conditions
    • All Conditions
    • Allergies
    • Alzheimer's Disease
    • Anxiety & Panic Disorders
    • Arthritis
    • Breast Cancer
    • Chronic Illness
    • Crohn's Disease
    • Depression
    • Diabetes
    • Fibromyalgia
    • GERD & Acid Reflux
    • Irritable Bowel Syndrome
    • Lupus
    • Lyme Disease
    • Migraine Headache
    • Multiple Sclerosis
    • Prostate Cancer
    • Ulcerative Colitis
  • Support Forums
    • All Forums
    • Anxiety & Panic Disorders
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Breast Cancer
    • Chronic Pain
    • Crohn's Disease
    • Depression
    • Diabetes
    • Fibromyalgia
    • GERD & Acid Reflux
    • Hepatitis
    • Irritable Bowel Syndrome
    • Lupus
    • Lyme Disease
    • Multiple Sclerosis
    • Ostomies
    • Prostate Cancer
    • Rheumatoid Arthritis
    • Ulcerative Colitis
  • Log In
  • Join Us
Join Us
☰
Forum Home| Forum Rules| Moderators| Active Topics| Help| Log In

Yes, Please say a prayer for me about the MIL issue - I am more worried about that the surgery.

Support Forums
>
Ostomies
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
profile picture
schrek-chewbacca hunk
Veteran Member
Joined : Jun 2005
Posts : 2666
Posted 6/28/2009 3:28 AM (GMT -8)
She means well, but doesn't have a lot of experience with illness I think...so she freaks out.  Sadly my wife wants her here, so I will go with the flow.

MIL-pecked Bob 

profile picture
Marsky
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 1956
Posted 6/28/2009 4:42 PM (GMT -8)
Bob - as soon as I saw a new thread go up that you started and you typed MIL in the same sentence, I began praying!

Sigh......I think most of us want to sincerely help you. But we don't live near you and you are caught in a very tough position - your MIL is over the top, your wife wants her there, you need your wife. So it looks as though you're stuck with the MIL again.

Maybe there's a good movie script in this story, somewhere.

Wishing you well as always.

Mary/Marsky
profile picture
finallyfree
Regular Member
Joined : Aug 2008
Posts : 470
Posted 6/28/2009 7:31 PM (GMT -8)

Bob,

I kind of had the same problem but it was with my own Mom; she means well but ...well...you know...so when I went in the hospital for my colectomy I bought an ipod and downloaded a bunch of music, books and even movies.  I became addicted to it while I was there and when I came home; or at least that's what people thought because I always had it on but it was my excuse to keep out the sounds in the hospital and I said it helped me to rest.  But it really helped me so that I didn't have to listen to you know who!!!!!

Just an idea if you don't have one.  I will definitely keepyou in my prayers.

Judy

profile picture
Marsky
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 1956
Posted 6/30/2009 4:47 AM (GMT -8)
Ron, like Judy my interfering relative is my mom also. I know what this situation is like - OMG, do I ever. Short version? I had to ban my mom from my hospital room. Since she doesn't drive and has never learned to drive, this was easy, I instructed relatives who would have driven her not to. I called her on the phone and told her not to come to my hospital room, that I was in terrible shape and I needed quiet. And to recover in peace. I probably said she was making things much worse. This was all 10 years ago. Whatever I did, worked. My mom stayed away. Prior to this she practically lying prone in my hospital pet, pawing and petting my face, behaving as if I was at death's door. It was torture. And I mean torture!

Once I had her removed from my presence and hospital room, the problem went away.

It began again when I was discharged. Because her friends always helped their daughters or daughter-in-law recover from surgeries and/or delivering babies she wanted to move in with us for a week. I said NO over the phone, as emphatically as I could and lied thru my teeth that I had lots of help. This is probably why I managed so well back then - I knew what was 30 minutes away - a long-term visit from my mother! LOL Somehow I made it thru each day and managed an ostomy all at the same time. Of course my husband was a ton of help, I have to point that out. In a very quiet way. My husband could give lessons on how to be an excellent caregiver, let me just say that, he was superb. Never saying a word, but there if you needed help. I used to get irritated he couldn't read my mind but after a few days I loved him for his style - waiting to be asked to do something and then just quietly doing it (laundry, meals, errands, etc.).

Telling someone like this they need to change, won't do it. You just have to keep that person away during stressful times like this. I discovered that lesson the hard way.

And get this - my mom still, 10 years later, throws it up into my face how I "banned" her from my hospital room. I just smile and say - you made me ban you! It was the only way I could recover. She then points out that initially, 1 to 2 days post-op I wanted her in my room. I just stare when she says this - and of course chalk it up to being drugged out of my mind on Morphine! She hates when I say this but it must have been true. Once I came out of my drug induced stuper, I knew what had to be done - ban the mom!

I will never, ever, ever in a million years be like this with my husband, daughters, their families someday, other relatives. I simply ask these simple words - what can I do to help? Such simple words but they are golden words to the patient.

Help can be as easy as cutting someone's lawn while in the hospital or stocking the freezer before they are discharged.

Hang in there Bob.........your MIL and my mom must be long-lost sisters.....

Mary
profile picture
schrek-chewbacca hunk
Veteran Member
Joined : Jun 2005
Posts : 2666
Posted 6/30/2009 5:40 AM (GMT -8)

Thanks to everyone here, I appreciate it...She is here now, and today I am going to rest and prep, pack and meditate.  Luckily I will be out of it for the first few days...then the difficulty will start.  I decided to have my minister friend over as much as possible - she is like a vampire with that cross staring her in the face and backs away! hehehe (just kidding).

Wish  me luck, I am going to need it as it is a very complex surgery.

love to all

bob

profile picture
Marsky
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 1956
Posted 6/30/2009 8:30 AM (GMT -8)
Good luck Bob - any tool you can find to use, use it (your Minister friend!)...
profile picture
peggy113
Veteran Member
Joined : Aug 2007
Posts : 1998
Posted 7/9/2009 1:01 AM (GMT -8)
Bob,
What's the update on your surgery and recovery? And, I have to aske, MIL too? Hope you had a successful surgery and are recovering quickly. Waiting to hear from you,
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply


More On Crohns Disease

Taking Action Against Fatigue From Ulcerative Colitis And Crohn's

Taking Action Against Fatigue From Ulcerative Colitis And Crohn's

7 Ways To Support Someone With Crohn's Or Colitis

7 Ways To Support Someone With Crohn's Or Colitis


HealingWell

About Us  |   Advertise  |   Subscribe  |   Privacy & Disclaimer
Connect With Us
Facebook Twitter Instagram Pinterest LinkedIn
© 1997-2023 HealingWell.com LLC All Rights Reserved. Our website is for informational purposes only. HealingWell.com LLC does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.