So.....my day today was one of my worst by far since my ileo 4.5 months ago. For those of you that do not know...I am an adult oncology nurse and four 4 years prior I was a pediatric cancer nurse, but wvwntually had to stop for my heart. Today, someone I thought was a friend of the past became an enemy of the heart. I was at work this morning and turning in an order at about 845 am. I saw one of my old pharmacists I used to work with in pediatrics. He has known what has been going on and made the comment "Liz, you look like crap girl....". I said, I know, I have not been sleeping and Ihave had issues with a darn leaky ileostomy. His exact words....
" Geez Liz, I could never be youe husband, the though of laying next to you in bed knowing that could be a possibility. Thats just disgusting. Its no wonder you are not pregnant, who would want to go anywhere near that bloody, leaky mess."
I about hit the floor, kept my tears in and walked away.....this is the same guy who said I bet you husbad will love when you lose the extra weight (before my Total colectomY) and if he says hes not excited, hes lying. I used to think he was just a smartass, but today, I felt the evil inside of him. I moved on for my pt's, but he came back in the afternoon. I decided to confront him ( I usally cower away) and told him he should be careful what he says to people he does not know what is going on, that this 4.5 months has been harder than anything for me and he really hurt my feelings.....his response
" I was jusy saying Liz, its your husband and he loves you, if it were anyone else or a stranger off the street. Believe me, they would not want to get in bed or close to you....its gross".
I told him to leave and went and took my patients IV out and ignored what was going on, inside I wanted to curl in a ball and cry. He asked me to "hug it out and he was just joking". I told him absolutely not, and to please leave. I have been crying all night.....if its not enough be be restricted by a malfunctioning ileo and undertermined future....to have someone point out your flaws or perceived thoughts infrom of all your co-workers has been so hard for mw to deal with today.
I love all of you, all you have gone through, and all we may endure. Ostomy or not, we are like family and I thank you for your support.
Chronic Lifetime Constipation, Dx IBS-C for 7 yrs
Diagnosed Colonic Inertia-Oct 2007
Total Colectomy with ileorectal anastamosis- Jan 28, 2008
Ileus with suspected leak- Feb 1, 2008, ended with four abdomal abscessses and 2 drains
Four abdominal abscesses- Feb 2008
Diagnosed with small bowel Fistula- March 6 2008
Drains removed- End of March 2008
Continued Constipation- biofeedback for 3 mo Aug 2008, Dx Rectal Inertia (Anismus)
Admitted with Small Bowel Obsruction April 4, 2009 and eremgency ileostomy 4/13
Loop ileostomy April 13, 2009 with abdominal abscess. Released 4/24
Cleveland Clinic twice for 3/4th referral. Possible reversal pending defecography July 31 in Cleveland.
"The Greatest Healing Therapy is Friendship and Love"