WORST DAY EVER- SOME ARE SO CRUEL

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XtremeMisery
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 687
   Posted 8/31/2009 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
So.....my day today was one of my worst by far since my ileo 4.5 months ago. For those of you that do not know...I am an adult oncology nurse and four 4 years prior I was a pediatric cancer nurse, but wvwntually had to stop for my heart. Today, someone I thought was a friend of the past became an enemy of the heart. I was at work this morning and turning in an order at about 845 am. I saw one of my old pharmacists I used to work with in pediatrics. He has known what has been going on and made the comment "Liz, you look like crap girl....". I said, I know, I have not been sleeping and Ihave had issues with a darn leaky ileostomy. His exact words....
 
" Geez Liz, I could never be youe husband, the though of laying next to you in bed knowing that could be a possibility. Thats just disgusting. Its no wonder you are not pregnant, who would want to go anywhere near that bloody, leaky mess."
 
I about hit the floor, kept my tears in and walked away.....this is the same guy who said I bet you husbad will love when you lose the extra weight (before my Total colectomY) and if he says hes not excited, hes lying. I used to think he was just a smartass, but today, I felt the evil inside of him. I moved on for my pt's, but he came back in the afternoon. I decided to confront him ( I usally cower away) and told him he should be careful what he says to people he does not know what is going on, that this 4.5 months has been harder than anything for me and he really hurt my feelings.....his response
 
" I was jusy saying Liz, its your husband and he loves you, if it were anyone else or a stranger off the street. Believe me, they would not want to get in bed or close to you....its gross".
 
I told him to leave and went and took my patients IV out and ignored what was going on, inside I wanted to curl in a ball and cry. He asked me to "hug it out and he was just joking". I told him absolutely not, and to please leave. I have been crying all night.....if its not enough be be restricted by a malfunctioning ileo and undertermined future....to have someone point out your flaws or perceived thoughts infrom of all your co-workers has been so hard for mw to deal with today.
 
I love all of you, all you have gone through, and all we may endure. Ostomy or not, we are like family and I thank you for your support.
 
Lizzie
Chronic Lifetime Constipation, Dx IBS-C for 7 yrs
Diagnosed Colonic Inertia-Oct 2007
Total Colectomy with ileorectal anastamosis- Jan 28, 2008
Ileus with suspected leak- Feb 1, 2008, ended with four abdomal abscessses and 2 drains
Four abdominal abscesses- Feb 2008
Diagnosed with small bowel Fistula- March 6 2008
Drains removed- End of March 2008
Continued Constipation- biofeedback for 3 mo Aug 2008, Dx Rectal Inertia (Anismus)
Admitted with Small Bowel Obsruction April 4, 2009 and eremgency ileostomy 4/13
Loop ileostomy April 13, 2009 with abdominal abscess. Released 4/24
Cleveland Clinic twice for 3/4th referral. Possible reversal pending defecography July 31 in Cleveland.
 
"The Greatest Healing Therapy is Friendship and Love"


SocalJohn
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 160
   Posted 8/31/2009 11:11 PM (GMT -7)   
File a grievance. What a completely ignorant, self involved jackass. What grade did this clown finish?

Post Edited (SocalJohn) : 9/1/2009 12:14:27 AM (GMT-6)


2b ColonFree
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2603
   Posted 9/1/2009 12:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizzie honey, this creap is a jerk, he DOES NOT even worth your tears! obviously he has no humanity whatsoever! and no brains either! i feel sorry for ppl like that!

Hodaya

06/05/2007 - STARR procedure 

colonic inertia w/pelvic floor dysfunction

08/16/2009 - total colectomy w/ileorectal anastomosis


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/1/2009 3:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizzie,
I am so sorry this happen to you. You know that he is the one in the wrong, and since this was a coworker, he is legally out of line as well. I think you need to make a report to your human resources department. He doesn't need to be talking about sex with you, in the first place, let alone such a delicate and personal subject of sex while dealing with health issues. Imagine how that might influence his interactions with patients if he cannot know what is work appropriate. I do not care if it was a joke, it was grossly inappropriate.
Big Hugs,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/1/2009 3:32 AM (GMT -7)   
And just for the record anyone who cannot handle the crap, vomit, and bloodiness of life with caring and compassion, is not someone who is worth your life energy. So please do not spend another minute on this person who will eventually understand the hard way, about how he has lacked in his charater.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


Marsky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 9/1/2009 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Well no wonder he's a pharmacist. You are the hero here, you are in the trenches taking care of your patients, face to face, and doing a mighty fine job of it, if you ask me! I am a cancer survivor and we need kind, competent professionals taking care of us!

So please pat yourself on the back here. Please do so and forget his extremely, unkind and hurtful words. For some reason he wanted to lash out at you. Why? I don't know but that man has a problem.

No offense to Pharmacists out there, the ones I've needed help from have been very patient and kind over the years but they are somewhat removed from what you're taking care of Lizzie.

I know it's going to be difficult to put his very harsh - and flat out untrue - words out of your mind. But you must.

He's the one with the problem here, not you. Okay?

Hugs.....(sorry to pop my head in here since I usually hang at the IBS board). But being a cancer survivor I just wanted to say - thank you Lizzie for all that you do for cancer patients. You have no idea how much your kind approach is appreciated, to people who need you most.

You do not need this man's incorrect and self centered opinion.
- Rectal Cancer 4/29/99, Stage I, no treatment necessary
(5 hour colon resection: 90% sigmoid removed, 15 inches of colon removed, gall bladder removed, temporary colostomy, reversed 8 weeks later)
- Chronic IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's, on low residue diet
- Takes Colace 50 mg each evening


tinkerbell2
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 418
   Posted 9/1/2009 4:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizzie, I am so sorry that this jerk could make such a comment, he is NOT worth a single tear drop. What a disgusting person he is, and I would vomit and hope that I would be rushed to emergency brain surgery if I ever woke up with him next to me! He can't possiblt have a wife, and if he does.. I feel soooo much compassion for her, because he is a unless piece of crap!

That said.. please do report him to human resources, so that you and nobody else in the future will have to be subjected to his unprofessional, childlike insults or comments. Also Lizzie, I just want to give you a hug.. you have been going through so much and I hope that the date of your surgery, revision or something happens ASAP - you shouldn't have to suffer like this!
~Jenise~


coastfishin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 213
   Posted 9/1/2009 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizzie, I am with the others he is a useless piece of crap! You definitaley need to report him. What he said is way out of line and beyond inappropriate. Hang in there I am sure your surgery will happen soon and things will get better.
Jen

XtremeMisery
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 687
   Posted 9/1/2009 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks everyone foryour support.....

I cried last night, although not worth it, uncontrolled. It angers me the lack of empath in some people and especially people who have no idea whats its like to go through anything like we do each and everyday. The sad part is he is married....and has a child. I feel bad for her.....and him. I do not know what his underlying motives were, but I was supposedly an easy target. My husband was so hurt to see me hurt...I know he loves me and so does everyone in my life bag or not. I am the same person.....and most who do not know me would never know I have one unless I chose to tell them.

Thank you for all your kind words and support. You all mean so much to me and your words are so sincere.

Lizzie


Chronic Lifetime Constipation, Dx IBS-C for 7 yrs
Diagnosed Colonic Inertia-Oct 2007
Total Colectomy with ileorectal anastamosis- Jan 28, 2008
Ileus with suspected leak- Feb 1, 2008, ended with four abdomal abscessses and 2 drains
Four abdominal abscesses- Feb 2008
Diagnosed with small bowel Fistula- March 6 2008
Drains removed- End of March 2008
Continued Constipation- biofeedback for 3 mo Aug 2008, Dx Rectal Inertia (Anismus)
Admitted with Small Bowel Obsruction April 4, 2009 and eremgency ileostomy 4/13
Loop ileostomy April 13, 2009 with abdominal abscess. Released 4/24
Cleveland Clinic twice for 3/4th referral. Possible reversal pending defecography July 31 in Cleveland.
 
"The Greatest Healing Therapy is Friendship and Love"


Lanie G
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 6029
   Posted 9/1/2009 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizzie, as suggested, go immediately to HR.  File a grievance.  On top of his dispicable behavior and words, what he did is against the law period. 

Lanie
forum moderator - diabetes
diabetes controlled so far by low/no carb diet and exercise; no meds
                                                                 


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 9/1/2009 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
(((Lizzie))) First off the biggest hugs in the world are being sent to you. I am so sorry that you were put in that horrible situation and the things he said were so totally rude and inappropriate. I agree 100% with the others that you should report this guy.

We have no control of our diseases, did not ask for them, nor the surgeries we have had to endure. Then you get idiots like this guy saying horrible stupid things. I repeat, I think you need to report this guy.

Sending healing hugs and prayers your way.

Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Lonie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 6447
   Posted 9/1/2009 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizze, wow, thank heavens I wasn't in the room listening to that! What a inconsiderate -- well I was going to call him a man, but not! Just remember that you are the strong one...you are dealing with so much right now, but all you'll get here is tons of support. Take care, and next time you see him; hold your head up high and remember who is the bigger person. Karma.... 

Carol

Remicade - will have my 30th infusion on September 2 
Vitamin B-12/Biotin, Probiotics, Vitamin D-3 (2000 IU)
 
Co-Moderator for the UC Forum
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/1/2009 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizzie
 
Aw sweetie, I am so sorry and I am a nurse with a hubby who has Crohn's and believe me there is nothing about his disease that could stop me from loving him and holding him close.

 
This is harassmentharassment and throw in a good helping of hostile environment too.  Write that grievance and I hope you are a union hosptial so make sure your union rep is well aware of this incident. Be sure to write the facts and leave your personal feelings and comments out..........just state the facts in your complaint.
 
This person should not be in the medical business at all, he gives a bad name to the medical field.  What a horse's patut.  mad  
 
I am so sorry there are jerks like this in the world and please know that we are here to support you and don't you dare believe a word this guy has to say.  Someone should make his day !
 
Lots of gentle Hugs to you,
 
Kitt 
 
 


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


XtremeMisery
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 687
   Posted 9/1/2009 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Again....thank you all for your kind words and support. I was tearing as I read so many of your responses. I am trying to figure out if I can file a grievance. The problem is last June I came over to work for a private oncology company. I am still contracted as an employee for the hospital he works for, but technically I work for a different company. I just happen to give chemo two days as a contracted employee to the patients of that hospital. So....I am not sure it would matter if I said anything or not?? He is leaving our hospital for Chicago and I am very happy about that. The staff I work for was shocked as I told them today what happened. We work in such a loving and empathetic environment caring for cancer patients day in and day out. he is the director of pharmacy across the street at the main campus and just happened to be inquiring about some medications that our satellite pharmacy had, so I am sure he felt ok to say whatever he wanted to me....he wasnt at his place of work...technically.

I am going to try and get to the bottom of what I can file, I just hope he never does this to anyone else. I am having my stoma looked at for the fifth or sixth time tomorrow by the stoma nurses. My skin breakdown and changing bags 1-2 times in 24 hrs has taken over this life of mine and now I have a fungal infection on my skin. They do not think they can do anything about the stoma, but are going to try and sooth some of the symptoms.

Thanks again for all your love, ((hugs)), and support.

Lizzie


Chronic Lifetime Constipation, Dx IBS-C for 7 yrs
Diagnosed Colonic Inertia-Oct 2007
Total Colectomy with ileorectal anastamosis- Jan 28, 2008
Ileus with suspected leak- Feb 1, 2008, ended with four abdomal abscessses and 2 drains
Four abdominal abscesses- Feb 2008
Diagnosed with small bowel Fistula- March 6 2008
Drains removed- End of March 2008
Continued Constipation- biofeedback for 3 mo Aug 2008, Dx Rectal Inertia (Anismus)
Admitted with Small Bowel Obsruction April 4, 2009 and eremgency ileostomy 4/13
Loop ileostomy April 13, 2009 with abdominal abscess. Released 4/24
Cleveland Clinic twice for 3/4th referral. Possible reversal pending defecography July 31 in Cleveland.
 
"The Greatest Healing Therapy is Friendship and Love"


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 9/1/2009 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
well im coming in wth everyone else and saying what a jerk that guy is and im sorry he acted like that to you.

But like Lonie mentioned karma will get him, its a witch...

glaciergrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 269
   Posted 9/1/2009 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Here's another big hug! You handled yourself well! I'd like to say more but I would only be repeating! Hang in there Lizzie your surgery is right around the corner!

Holly
25yrs old/ teacher/ Wisconsin

Diagnosed UC Pancolitis in Nov 2004
Diagnosed PSC in Oct 2006
 
Proctocolectomy and J-pouch formed with loop ileostomy April 2009
Reversal June 2009
 
 


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 9/1/2009 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Lizzie. I'm so shocked and upset by what he said that I feel physically ill and teary. I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now.

He is one person who really does deserve to contract bowel problems and be given a stoma - as others have said, Karma may get him in the end...

Hang in thee.

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.

Medications for Crohn's ~~ Diet and Nutritional Therapy for Crohn's ~~ Dealing with Abscesses and Fistulae ~~


Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 9/2/2009 8:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I am a believer that EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY! Keep your chin up, do what you feel comfortable with as far as reporting and give your hubby a great BIG HUG and tell him he's special...just because he's not like that LOSER and more importantly because you love him. Our husbands are the real deal, aren't we lucky?!

darksky602
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/3/2009 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I have had to have my bag for 2 years. I get the looks from people and the comments that are inappropriate as well, but I laugh most of it off. I have never had someone be that bad to my face though. Personally I would have punched him, but that is just me. I do agree with everyone else, file whatever grievance you can. IF not in the end he is going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person... like me and get what he has coming. People like him never learn and will get what they deserve in the end.

andorable
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 981
   Posted 9/3/2009 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Ditto to what everyone else has said, I am so sorry you had to go through that, that jerk isnt worthy of anyones friendship! I agree that Karma will come back and bite him on the a**. Let me at him. Take care Lizzie ((((((hugs)))))))

XtremeMisery
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 687
   Posted 9/3/2009 11:06 AM (GMT -7)   

So,

The pharmacist I currently work with found out what was said to me and an email was written in regards to the situation. He came over today in attempt to apologize to me. He was told as the clinical director or anyone in the medical field he had gone way to far and that actions could be taken if he were to stay here in this facility. My manager was here when he came to apologize and asked if was comfortable. I let him apologize, but gave him nothing more. He tried and tried to tell me he was joking, that I was a beautiful person, blah blah. The damage was already done. Thanks again for all your support. Maybe this will save someone from his wrath in the future. I gave my pharmacist a big hug and started crying. I thanked him for sticking up for me and supporting me. He wnted me to be sure if he was here that day it would have been taken care of sooner and that not one person here thinks that way of me. Love you all. ((HUGS))

Lizzie


Chronic Lifetime Constipation, Dx IBS-C for 7 yrs
Diagnosed Colonic Inertia-Oct 2007
Total Colectomy with ileorectal anastamosis- Jan 28, 2008
Ileus with suspected leak- Feb 1, 2008, ended with four abdomal abscessses and 2 drains
Four abdominal abscesses- Feb 2008
Diagnosed with small bowel Fistula- March 6 2008
Drains removed- End of March 2008
Continued Constipation- biofeedback for 3 mo Aug 2008, Dx Rectal Inertia (Anismus)
Admitted with Small Bowel Obsruction April 4, 2009 and eremgency ileostomy 4/13
Loop ileostomy April 13, 2009 with abdominal abscess. Released 4/24
Cleveland Clinic twice for 3/4th referral. Possible reversal pending defecography July 31 in Cleveland.
 
"The Greatest Healing Therapy is Friendship and Love"


XtremeMisery
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 687
   Posted 9/3/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry- Another Update:
 
He is getting FIRED!!!!!!! I did not have to say anything and others did. It got to the director of pharmacy, who then went to my manager, who went to our director, who went to the big wig.
 
His exact words: And why is he not fired yet?
 
KARMA.
 
Lizzie
 
Chronic Lifetime Constipation, Dx IBS-C for 7 yrs
Diagnosed Colonic Inertia-Oct 2007
Total Colectomy with ileorectal anastamosis- Jan 28, 2008
Ileus with suspected leak- Feb 1, 2008, ended with four abdomal abscessses and 2 drains
Four abdominal abscesses- Feb 2008
Diagnosed with small bowel Fistula- March 6 2008
Drains removed- End of March 2008
Continued Constipation- biofeedback for 3 mo Aug 2008, Dx Rectal Inertia (Anismus)
Admitted with Small Bowel Obsruction April 4, 2009 and eremgency ileostomy 4/13
Loop ileostomy April 13, 2009 with abdominal abscess. Released 4/24
Cleveland Clinic twice for 3/4th referral. Possible reversal pending defecography July 31 in Cleveland.
 
"The Greatest Healing Therapy is Friendship and Love"


Lyonene
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 9/3/2009 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
My heart just broke for you. What an awful, terrible thing to say to someone. I can't even begin to imagine how crappy his life is, living with a thought process like that.

Thank God he got fired. That is a just result of his callousness.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/3/2009 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((LIZZIE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am so glad your people back you up like that.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


tinkerbell2
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 418
   Posted 9/4/2009 3:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Lizzie!!!!! This is exactly what he needed! Since he obviously never learned compassion, or social manners.. this is lesson one. Now I bet he'll never do this again to any other person he meets.. and if if ever is so ruthless to his wife, I hope she gives him the door too! He needed to learn that this is NOT acceptable. KARMA.
~Jenise~

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