To be honest I think this is more a female issue than a male one. No offense to the men but the two areas that are in question, vagina and bowels are side by side for women. When I'm experiencing bm's, on after another, sex is the last thing on my mind. When it's all out D, no way would I even consider sex. God no! And truthfully there have been times that during sex I am so freaked out I'm going to have an accident (which I haven't, in 10 years I have not had even one accident!) that my mind strays to what dictates my life now too - my bowel issues. I've been living this way for 10 years! Running to the bathroom, eating a certain way, or not eating sometimes (yes mini-fasts do really work and as long as I go into them fully hydrated and haven eaten well prior to the fast I do okay). But back to your subject, it's just nice to know others have trouble too, timing sex, enjoying it without worrying about bm's suddenly wanting to erupt. I have asked my husband a few times to hurry up because well if we don't, there's going to be a mess on our hands. But again, this has never happened. Perhaps it's just my worries.......it is all tricky to pull off.
I wish that for we women the two areas were not so close in proximity. That therein lies part of the problem.
My surgeon has recommended that I have an inverted colostomy but this isn't the time to have elective surgery. Our insurance wouldn't cover it, they barely cover anything over a co-pay (which is high to start with). We have one more daughter to get thru college so our budget is tight. But in theory my surgeon swears an inverted colostomy that you'd irrigate once a day would be so much better than the life I am living. For now I am just dealing with my body the way it is - w/o a sigmoid, so stool just keeps coming, as long as I continue to eat, going thru its various odd stool stages - and do what has worked well for me (small meals, a low residue diet, keeping my stress level as low as possible). Since our budget is so tight I am glad at times I can use any bathroom and not need irrigation equipment or ostomy supplies (which would be expensive and not covered by our insurance).
And truthfully some days I pretend this is all normal. Not to avoid the obvious but to trick my mind into thinking, sure everyone poops this much. LOL! It's what gets me thru bad days, of which I had one just today.
As far as people with normal colons understanding what we go thru, I gave up that dream as well. I used to try and educate friends and family, explaining why I have so much trouble. 9 out of 10 times, they'd say - can't you just take a pill for that? Can't you just stay in the bathroom and finish up (as if my multiple bm's could be all bunched up into one dump as years ago, sure that would work if I just stayed in the bathroom for hours!). I finally realized they have nothing to compare what we all struggle with. They can eat whatever they want, hold their stool and go once or twice a day. Oh how I wish that were my situation or yours, and all of us! But when you think back to when you didn't have such trouble, would you have understood what all this is like to deal with? I shudder to think if I would have been understanding. I probably wouldn't have. So I try to cut others lots of slack. They just can't relate to what we deal with. On top of trying to get others to understand, 9 out of 10 times they want to explain all of this away by saying - oh your stomach is bothering you again? I just sigh and say - yes my stomach.
It's not my stomach! But it's a polite way of saying - that's code for IBS.
Hang in there "notuffda", you are definitely not alone in your struggles. I wish my husband and I could be more sexually active too, we're empty nesters too but over 50% of the time, that region on my body is well, not clean! Yikes!
Sorry to have been so blunt. But it's a subject I've wanted to see discussed here.
- Rectal CA 4/29/99, Stage I, 90% sigmoid/15" of colon/GB removed, temporary colostomy, reversed 6-26-99
- Chronic IBS/D symptoms, multiple bm's, on low residue diet
- Colace 50 mg each evening