A little disturbed, what do you think?

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Trigirl
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 3/10/2010 12:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe I shouldn't be disturbed, but I am.

Every week I take my Granddaughters-6,9 & 11 to the pool by my house and give them swim lessons. The other day the 6 year old ask me where my "poop bag" was. She didn't see it.

I have been careful to not show it off seeing how I feel very insecure about my body these days. I have gotten active again and wear a print or black suit to hide it plus I usually put on a towel to walk from change room to the pool or hand over my pouch.

So I asked who called it that and she said her dad. (My son-in-law) I was really unhappy. I have always got along with him, despite whatever he might do or say dumb, but this one has hit below the belt (No pun intended). Told my daughter I wasn't happy but don't know where to go with this. Leave it? Talk to him? Re-educate the children on exactly what an ileostomy is?

It's so interesting to have people be so ignorant about the whole thing. Usually I am glad when they ask and I can help them understand the whole thing. Kids to need to know to I believe. I just have mood swings about it all still.

This whole thing just really bugs me. It is going to take him quite a while to dig himself out of this one. He probably won't even try.

Any opinions?
Those things we keep trying to do get easier not because the feat gets easier but our ability to "do" gets better.
Thyroid cancer removed 1988
Stomach problems finally figured out 2001 Crohn's/Colitus
Tried every drug without much success
Colon/rectal cancer removed Aug 2009
6 Grown kids, grandkids and a great husband to keep me busy


sammies
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 493
   Posted 3/10/2010 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
congrats on getting active! Getting into a bathing suit was challenging for me last summer but once I did it, I really felt so liberated. Now, to get on a bike.

hmmmm. . . well, poop bag might be the way the 6 year old understands it. I think it's a good idea to confront your son-in-law but maybe in a gentle way; i.e. "I don't refer to the applicance as a poop bag and I would appreciate that you wouldn't either. I will explain the applicance to the grandkids and hope that you'll follow my lead and use my vocabulary."

I know you said you're not too comfortable with showing the appliance but maybe consider it. If they continue to be curious, doing so probably would calm them down quite a bit. If they drop it (as kids often leave an important topic with no further thought while we're still grinding our gears on it), then maybe leave it be. Still, I think confronting your s-i-l is a good idea.

I know when I first got home even my adult brother and sister were curious. When they saw the pouch (and I was actually wearing transparent at the time), their response was "oh, I thought it would be much more complicated." I don't know what they were imagining.

And I don't think you're being emotional or having a mood swing. This is a very real part of dealing with a prosthetic, appliance, and change of life.
24+ years with Crohn's/colitis; fistulizing crohn's; ileostomy and proctocolectomy; TPN, propranolol and xanax; anemia of chronic disease


justjenjen
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Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 3/10/2010 6:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know you or your son-in-law, but it very well could have just been the best way for the 6yr old to understand. If he were to say 'appliance' a child would more than likely imagine a stove or fridge. Even the word 'pouch' could confuse a child...they are so darn literal. My child (8) is a very literal person and she seems to wrap her mind around things better when I'm very specific and direct (y'know, not using euphemisms).

It takes a long time for us as ostomates to wrap our minds around--and we live it. I think it is very normal/natural to be emotional about it.

summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 3/10/2010 6:19 PM (GMT -7)   
i wouldnt think too much of it, its hard for a little kid to understand that stuff, i have explained it to my little boy with the right terms and all, and he still says, why do you have that bag of poo on there?
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007! 
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-


Allison77
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 421
   Posted 3/10/2010 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I wouldn't take it to heart. Perhaps it was the best way your s-i-l could explain it in "child terms." I myself run around calling the "appliance" my "portable poop pouch." My neice's were very curious about it, and I took a pouch, skin barrier and all the fixin's, sat them down, explained it, made them hold the itmes and then asked them if they would like to see it on me. Of course they said "yes" and when I revealed Oscar, they both became MORE intrigued. Kids...gotta love them.

-Allie
www.oscartheostomy.blogspot.com
-Allison
RX Crohn's 1999, over 30 surgeries, 3 strokes, permanent colostomy and rectum removal.
 
"The most unfortunate thing that happens to a person who fears failure is that he limits himself by becoming afraid to try anything new."


Trigirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 3/10/2010 10:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I knew you guys could put it in perspective for me. I guess I just wanted to do the show and telling.

Thanks and hugs
Those things we keep trying to do get easier not because the feat gets easier but our ability to "do" gets better.
Thyroid cancer removed 1988
Stomach problems finally figured out 2001 Crohn's/Colitus
Tried every drug without much success
Colon/rectal cancer removed Aug 2009
6 Grown kids, grandkids and a great husband to keep me busy


Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 3/11/2010 4:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree...I think it is how your grand-daughter processed it...and I can also see how you could be hurt by the statement. The first year post op can be an up and down year. Our bodies and minds take time to adjust (((HUG)))
Crohn’s dx 1989
some terrible years before my
Proctocolectomy in 2008

Post Edited (OHIO76) : 3/11/2010 8:23:41 AM (GMT-7)


honestwoman50
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 833
   Posted 3/11/2010 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Trigirl
          OMG, your son-in-law needs to get a page from compassionate people, obviously he needs to educated on what is proper to say in front of his own children.  I am so sorry that he did not have enough brains to figure out what he says in front of children always comes out of the mouth of babes.
 
If it was me I would not let it go because he is going to continue to say who knows what in front of the kids, that may even hurt you worse than he already has...he is a jerk...my opinion but oh well he had his..
 
Kuddos to you for getting out in a bathing suit, you go girl...and keep up the good work.
 
Your friend in compassion
Leslie
Leslie King


Trigirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 3/11/2010 10:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone. A few days have passed and I have thought about all your comments and ideas.

I am a little thin skinned about this yet but will toughen up. Saying that I am going to sweet;y talk to him when he's over for his birthday dinner at our house and suggest children tell all and I felt it was my option to tell them about the surgery and what it entailed.

So again you help me keep my head and heart in the right place. Thanks to all.
Those things we keep trying to do get easier not because the feat gets easier but our ability to "do" gets better.
Thyroid cancer removed 1988
Stomach problems finally figured out 2001 Crohn's/Colitus
Tried every drug without much success
Colon/rectal cancer removed Aug 2009
6 Grown kids, grandkids and a great husband to keep me busy


80sChick
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1054
   Posted 3/12/2010 10:46 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with everyone--it may be the easiest way to explain it to a child, but at the same time you should definitely gently talk to him about the correct terminology, etc. Also, it's great to hear that you're getting out and swimming and stuff. Don't be worried about people seeing it...most people will probably not even think twice or realize what they're looking at.
Stephanie, 28 years old
Diagnosed with Crohn's Colitis March 2000
Possible diagnosis of IBS-D
 
Tried Meds: Asacol, Remicade, 6mp, Humira, Xifaxan, Apriso, Imuran, Rowasa Enemas, Colocort Enemas.
 
Tried Probiotics: Align (with no change except bloating) and VSL #3 DS (AWFUL diarrhea).
 
Currently on: 40mg Prednisone (Been on it since June '09...get me off!!), Psyllium Seed Powder, Prenatal Vitamin, Vitamin B 12 Complex, Vitamin D, Calcium, Vesicare (for urinary retention). 

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