opening up. It's completely normal to dread surgery. I've been there and understand. It took me 7 years of chronic pain and diarrhea to finally agree to have surgery.
Before my proctocolectomy, I had a rectovaginal fistula for years, which ended up creating a large abscess on my lower right butt cheek. It was the most pain I have ever felt and had to have emergency surgery to
open it up. I ended up with a large,
open wound on my butt for months and had to take pain medicine every day, because it hurt so much to sit. I remember thinking how easy it would be to become addicted to the pain meds, because they took the pain away. But, what I found out was that when the wound finally healed up and the pain was gone, there was no need to take anything to make the pain go away. The only way to be medicine-free is to be pain-free.
When it comes to your fear of surgery, maybe this will help. I was discharged from the hospital 4 days after my proctocolectomy and was out driving and grocery shopping 2 weeks later. I've had zero pain ever since and am healthy enough to work full time and exercise. Please don't worry about
gaining weight, because once you are healthy and can exercise again, you will be in the best shape of your life!
Just take one step at a time, and the first step is to call your doctor. Are you on any medicine to try to get the disease into remission? Remicade worked well for me for several years. There is also Humira, which is more convenient than Remicade, since you can give it to yourself at home and don't have to get it through an IV. You can beat this, just like you beat your addiction to alcohol. You are a very strong woman, who deserves to be healthy and happy!
Dx'd Crohn's in '99 at age 28. Proctocolectomy and permanent ileostomy in '06.
Disease-free and medicine-free since surgery and very thankful to be healthy again.