Posted 4/22/2010 10:41 PM (GMT -6)
So some of you know about my inlaws and how the treat us but its gotten worse.
As you start to read this may seem like none of my business,but as it effects my child and my husband greatly, it def is!
So, my MIL and FIL live about 45 minutes from us and about 35 minutes from SIL, so they would have to drive ten more minutes to see us. But yet they do not do that anymore at all. And when we go see them, they ignore us in favor of SIL and her kids, and just fuss at my kid because of how he plays.
Ok, well we had gotten used to that, but now its gotten even worse!
Right after SIL's first kid was born, she quit work. She was a teacher, so at this time, she had no job, and her husband was working for 10 an hour about 14 hours a week! Now that was dumb,lol. Anyway, after she quit she started hanging out with MIL more and more, until basically MIL was down there all the time, keep in mind this was 10 minutes from me! And i had just had surgery when this started so obviously couldnt drive to see them, and DH worked nights so he couldnt either. Never once did they offer to keep my son so my family could have a break!
So anyway, about 6 or 7 months ago, BIL got a job (finally after about a year and half) driving a truck so he is gone during the week and sometimes the weekend. Now here is where it gets just plain disturbing.
SIL has never slept in the bed alone, up until she got married at like 29 or so she slept in the bed with her Mom, yes thats right they slept in the bed together. Ok, well when BIL started driving a truck, MIL moved in with her! They switch houses, sun-wed they stay at MIL's house, SIL, MIL and oldest sleep in the bed with the youngest next to them, then the rest of the week they stay at SIL's house.
So now, they have completly forgotten about us, we dont exsist at all! My son was supposed to go to spend the night at MIL's house, and he was so excited he packed his own bags and everything, well MIL called and said that the oldest kid had a sore throat my son couldnt come. Ok well, he has his OWN house that he can go to so that my kid can still come. and he has a mom to take care of him! So my husband called and said, our kid is coming, i dont care what happens, he is coming. So they let him, and the oldests stayed there because SIL cant stay by herself, she cant take care of her two kids alone. Ok, i know its not easy, but DH is gone alot on business so i am here alot alone. now, if one of her kids was seriously ill or she was seriously ill then i would have no problem with this, thats fine. But you know, grown people can take care of their own kids, it even got to the point where MIL was staying with them when BIL came home! And MIL and SIL were sleepign in the bed together and BIL was sleeping in the other room!
Ok, well here is where my kid comes in, recently he asked if connor (the oldest) could come over and spend the night, and i said, well SIL doesnt let him go places without her so he cant. Ok she doesnt trust me with her kid, i have an almost 5 year old, hes still alive! other people trust me with their kids, i have lots of kids over here from different families, and i manage just fine all alone.
Well my son said, why wont she let him stay here, and i said, well she loves him and wants to keep him safe, and he says, oh well dont you love me and want to keep me safe. and i said, of course! And he says, well then why do you let me go places and spend the night? (So this is clear, he goes to my parents and my grandmas and my sisters and with a babysitter, not with random people, lol. And all those people love him very much. and he wants to go to these places and i think its good for him to be away from me some, she never lets the kids away from her, at all) Ok, so i said, well i only let you go wtih people that love you and that i know will keep you safe, so he says, so SIL doesnt think we love connor or trust us? So how am i getting out of this one! So i give him a toy and change the subject, lol. A little while later he says, why does connor get to spend the night with MIL so much? and i said, well because he and SIL stay wtih MIL when BIL is gone, to help take care of them. So then he says, well why doesnt nana (my mom) stay with us when daddy is gone, doesnt she want to take care of us? Ok, so i cant say of course, but im capable of this on my own and SIL is nuts, lol. So again, i change the subject.
So a few weeks ago at Easter we went to this easter party wtih them, and they totally ignored my son, all BIL and FIL did was fuss at him for getting near connor, so i finally just had him come sit niext to me and tell him to just not go over there, that it wasnt his fault but that they were just gonna fuss at him, so he did.
Well Monday, he saw a toy that i had bought for connors bday, and he says can he play with it and i said, well thats for connor and i dont know if they will set it up (its ablow up toy) and its for connors house. he says, well can connor come live with us? And i said, well he has his own house. And he says, well i dont like those people he lives with (meaning his grandparents and aunt) and i said, dont you know who they are and he said, yes but i dont like them they treat me different. Ok so that just breaks my heart and he says it in this really sad voice. So i just tell him well alot of people love you and rattle off this huge list of names of people who care about him. DH didnt hear this. Tuesday night he says, Daddy, why doesnt MIL like me? And DH says, she likes you, and he says, No she fusses at me everytime i play with connor, and before DH can answer my son says, She treats me different and im just not gonna like her anymore since she doesnt like me.
So DH is very hurt by this and wont talk about it, i try to tell him im sorry and he just tells me its not my fault and doesnt want to talk about it. But after we got home DH talked to him about it, but i wasnt out here and am not sure exactly what was said.
So this morning, my son asks me again why MIL doesnt like him, and why she treats him different, and i said, well its her loss that she doesnt know you that well because you are wonderful and all these people love you, then i said, lets not say anything to daddy about this casue i think it really hurts his feelings, and he says, ok ill just ask MIL then! And i just said, well lets not do that either,because it wont make a difference it will just make things hard on DH. because all MIL will do is say, well you know where we live and you can come here and blah blah blah.
And we ask them to do stuff, we invite them places, we invited them to the beach with us, it would have only cost them 150.00 for 5 days, but they said they couldnt afford it. THEN they informed us that they were going to the beach, we were coming home on Monday, they were leaving on tuesday. They had to pay of course the whole amount they could afford it now, they just didnt want to go with us. although even if they had they wouldnt have done anything with us, we went wtih them another time and we saw them like twice the whole time.
I invited them to go to chuckee cheese and they went but they wouldnt let connor go with me, even though he wanted to, and they just stayed away from us and wouldnt do anything with my son.
Ok so i also feel really bad for SIL's two kids, because its not actually about them, its all abotu SIL and MIL they dont even want the kids around i dont think i think they just get in the way. FIL is staying by himself half the week, MIL wouldnt even come up to check on the sick dog today.
And the kids never get to do anything wtihout SIL, she doesnt let them go anywhere, and they absolutley love me and my son, i have no idea why but they just think i am awesome, lol.
And i was dealing with it and just kind of putting it back until my son told me, almost in tears that he knew they didnt treat him the same and that he didnt like them!
I mean, how do i even handle that? DH and i are at a loss! We just keep telling our son that he is awesome and great and its not his fault. And we dont want MIL and them to do anything with us because DH makes them, we want them to want to see our son,because even though he is only five he is extremely smart (not being a braggy mom the kid can multiply) so he picks up on everything, but isnt emotionally mature enough to understand it!
Now, personally i could care less if i ever see them, but if its hurting my husband and most of all my child, then its my problem and i need to figure out something to do!!!
Ok long rant over, sorry!
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-