Hugging with an Ostomy...

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OzCrohnie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 5/7/2010 2:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Was wondering if you've ever hugged someone and they could tell that you have something under your shirt? ie your ileostomy.

Only my family and closest friends know I have an ileostomy. Other people either know I've been sick or know nothing. I've only really seen those people since my operation, but I started back at work last week and am able to drive so it means I can actually put myself out there more and therefore run into all those people I know that don't know about my ileostomy. (I'm basically at uni 3-4 days a week even though I'm not doing courses, simply because I love hanging out there with friends).

Anyway. I only really thought about this recently as I ran into this girl I met at a party before I went into hospital. Anyway, she runs up to me to hug me, and I freak out thinking i'm guna poke her with my ileostomy (which will create questions for her and awkwardness for me) so ended up doing the whole awkward 'side-hug'.

My ileostomy is on my stomach below my belly button line and above my belt line.

So yer, What has your experience been?
Male, 22, diagnosed with Crohn's at 13.
Medication: Salofalk, Infliximab infusions, Humira injections.
On and off Prednisone for years.
I pop Loperamide (aka Gastro-Stop) like candy!
Have had one, two, three, four colonoscopies.
Getting a (permanent) bag in February!
Favourite Quote:  Unfortunately my quote (while perfectly acceptable in Australia) contains language that is considered unacceptable in some countries outside of Australia. I guess that's what happens when you comment on a forum used by many different cultures. So I've provided a link to the Wikipedia entry for the quote instead.


flchurchlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2765
   Posted 5/7/2010 5:20 AM (GMT -6)   
No worries, nobody will be able to see (or feel) that you have an ostomy. The visual of you doing a "side-hug" brought a big smile to my face! smilewinkgrin I'm glad to hear you're feeling well and are back to living life again!

Hug away!
Cecilia
Dx'd Crohn's in '99 at age 28. Proctocolectomy and permanent ileostomy in '06.
Disease-free and medicine-free since surgery and very thankful to be healthy again.


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 5/7/2010 9:50 AM (GMT -6)   
That just made me think something totally inappropriate...Is that an ostomy in your pocket...?

Anyway, noone has ever noticed that when i hugged them or danced with them. Unless its super full i cant imagine that anyone would ever feel it.
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-
No matter what kind of day you are having, take five minutes to sing loudly and dance like a fool!


Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 5/7/2010 8:50 PM (GMT -6)   
No one has ever noticed mine...HUG AWAY!
Crohn’s dx 1989
some terrible years before my
Proctocolectomy in 2008


~ChristieAnn67~
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 5/8/2010 1:14 AM (GMT -6)   
yeah,  no one noticed mine as far as I know, but I understand.  Thinking back now,  I did tend to hug with my butt sticking out just a tad.   Sometimes more than other times,  depending on if I recently emptied it or if it was more full....
                                          ~Christie
43 yo RN, happily married, with 2 beautiful daughters, Tianna(16 yo) and Alyssa(12 yo).   Diagnosed Ulcerative Colitis in Jan '04 and Diabetes type 2 in June '05.  Had THE surgery (and more) starting March 3rd,  2009.  You can read my whole story at my blog, Christie's World.   
                                         Medications
Lantus insulin 10units daily,  Imodium 4mg before meals and at bedtime,  Estradiol 1mg daily, multi vitamin (when I have them). 


esoR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4147
   Posted 5/8/2010 1:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Oz,

I am a female ileostomate who has an ileostomy due to permanent colon, rectal damage and some damage to my small intestine that was fixed and an ileostomy made so I could survive. As I've (luckily) gotten on with life, I have actually become a frequent cruiser and dance ballroom dance with these men who work on board called "dance hosts." They dance with all the single ladies as a job in exchange for a free cruise from the cruise ship companies. Doing this is fun and gives my mind a break from all the severe trauma I've been through.

When I first started doing this, I was terrified of being held too close and having my ostomy dig into these guys. I am sure to eat and pass waste well before dancing. 2 of these men I've gotten to know as ship board friends (actual friendship not onboard romance as that is now out the window for me anyway). However, I've gotten to know these 2 well enough to let them know my issue. BOth are great and even with "smooze" dances which I love doing, they give me some body space at the waist area and we are comfortably close at the top (by my control). However, I have had a few of these guys I don't know so well hold me way too close and I have flat out had to say "I have a wound at waist level and can't be held that close." One guy who was very nice, said don't be afraid to get close, I just said it's not that I just have a stoma. I don't even think he knew what it was but said, OK let's go to plan B and hold a wide frame with our arms. He proceeded to steer me around the dance floor and we looked super. This guy asked no questions, I think was clueless about what a stoma was, but quickly switched gears and being devoted to helping women look good on the dance floor, made me look good with Plan B.

I was so glad when I saw your post, NOT glad that you have to have an ostomy of course, but comforted to know that the concern was the same from a guy's point-of-view. Post back to me if you read this. How do you handle the whole dancing thing? The bag in and of itself would not prevent me from being "intimate" with the right man, but I have other pelvic injuries from the surgery that made the subsequent ileo necessary so I am out of the running for physical intimacy. I just wondered from a guy's point-of-view, if you really loved a girl and connected with heart and soul, is there a guy out there that would settle for hugging, kissing, dancing and emotional intimacy. THis is a question that I have nobody else to ask this of. What are your general thoughts on this, or any guesses. It's hard for me to even post this question, but I guess this is the place to ask what we need to ask.

Sincerely, Rosemary

esoR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4147
   Posted 5/8/2010 1:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Again Oz,

I loved the quote from the link you provided. It really does sum up our situations and is so appropriate. It sounds like you at 22 are able to take all this in a lot more stride than I am at 54 (but I'm much younger at heart; feel and act about 30.) Let me know your thoughts on my question, if you don't mind responding. Younger people seem to deal with this a whole lot better. I admire you for that. Love your sense of humor. Maybe that's what I'm lacking about all this.

Sincerely, Rosemary

summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 5/8/2010 5:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Rosemary-im not a guy, but i think there are men out there who would be fine with what you are talking about, there are, of course other ways of intimacy. I shall not go into detail, lol. I think if you found a man who was worth your time he would understand!
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-
No matter what kind of day you are having, take five minutes to sing loudly and dance like a fool!


esoR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4147
   Posted 5/8/2010 7:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Summer,
Thanks, Rosemary

OzCrohnie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 5/9/2010 5:48 AM (GMT -6)   
summerstorm said...
That just made me think something totally inappropriate...Is that an ostomy in your pocket...?


haha, I was thinking the same thing when I went to post that, which is why i thought i'd specify that the stoma wasn't in my pants! hahaha


esoR said...
How do you handle the whole dancing thing?


Hi Rosemary! Um well I haven't actually danced since my operation. I only really ever dance when I've been drinking at parties and night clubs. I haven't been out into town to any clubs since my operation and haven't been to any parties since either (well, none that had people dancing anyway). So I don't really know about how it will affect my dancing yet.

I'm currently waiting for this black elastic waist band thing in the mail which I'll most definitely wear to keep my bag from showing when I dance (and well, all the time as i can see the outline of my bag through some of my shirts if i dont wear a tight singlet underneath). A lot of the photo's of me dancing at parties show me with my arms up and my shirt up showing a fair bit of skin. So I'm definitely going to have to wear a band when I go out dancing as everyone will see my bag when I do.


esoR said...
I just wondered from a guy's point-of-view, if you really loved a girl and connected with heart and soul, is there a guy out there that would settle for hugging, kissing, dancing and emotional intimacy.


Short answer: Yes!

Now for the story...

It is very likely that a close friend of mine cannot have children. She's told me that she frequently worries about rejection because of this. Just last week I told her that while I would like to have children, I'd prefer to be with the girl that I love and not have children then be with someone else and have them. Your question made me think of that. While they are quite different circumstances, my reaction to both situations would be the same:

I would prefer to be with the girl I love and not be physically intimate with her then be physically intimate with someone else. As long as I'm with her, the girl I love, that's all that matters.

I really hope that helps with your question! and thank you for the compliments! :-)
Male, 22, diagnosed with Crohn's at 13.
Medication: Salofalk, Infliximab infusions, Humira injections.
On and off Prednisone for years.
I pop Loperamide (aka Gastro-Stop) like candy!
Have had one, two, three, four colonoscopies.
Getting a (permanent) bag in February!
Favourite Quote:  Unfortunately my quote (while perfectly acceptable in Australia) contains language that is considered unacceptable in some countries outside of Australia. I guess that's what happens when you comment on a forum used by many different cultures. So I've provided a link to the Wikipedia entry for the quote instead.


summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 5/9/2010 9:14 AM (GMT -6)   
oh and ive been dancing plenty of times! not ballroom dancing, dancing in clubs, and ya'll know how that goes! noone has ever mentioned it
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-
No matter what kind of day you are having, take five minutes to sing loudly and dance like a fool!

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