oh man. That is just horrible. i'm so sorry he is going through all of this, and that they took so long to diagnose cancer. After all that, now he is having complications. ugh
I haven't had the reversal surgery yet, but I have had both abscesses (peritonitis) and was in ICU for a few days. I had abd. drains in my abd. that was gross. Also, i got a blood clot post 2nd surgery.
I remember it hurting to have to change things after my surgeries. My husband did my changes for a few weeks. I had a hard time bending down to see things clearly. So, if you can be patient with him while he's healing, then that's one thing I would recommend. But, also be telling him everything you're doing, so he can get used to the idea. When he does finally change it for himself. He will get a feeling of independence again, and that will be a positive for him. It was a scary journey, but he can get through it.
Also, b/c of my blood clot, I was on coumadin for 8 months. I wasn't anxious to get a reversal, because i wasn't ready and I knew that wasn't around the corner. But, I wanted to be able to try to get pregnant, and i didn't want to deal with blood thinners, so I wanted to get off them b/c of that. I just kept reminding myself, that it was only for a short time. Things will get better.
I think mourning is a natural part of the healing process. Nobody wants to go through this crap. Nobody wants to feel deformed.
He'll be depressed, angry, scared. And that's ok. I think your job will be to just listen to him. Have patience with him. Support him in everything. Don't rush him into anything, but be encouraging. Remind him to be patient with himself. And just be understanding. I know this will be a strain on you too (ask my husband), but it's important to be there for him (I know you will, b/c you are asking us
You can lean on us too.
28 yrs. old. married with one beautiful daughter (born 11/20/07)
-diagnosed with severe pancolitis u/c 2002 had total colectomy 12/19/08; emergency surgery due to abscess-had to redo ileostomy and switch to left side 12/25/08; 2/15/09 found blood clot in superior mesenteric vein (prob. from inf. and surgery inflammation)
i only take vitamins now, when I WANT to. :)
"Things turn out the best for those who make the best of the way things turn out."