Should I stay with my boyfriend in the hospital when he gets his last j-pouch surgery?

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carrotjuice
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 10/23/2010 5:19 PM (GMT -6)   
My boyfriend is getting a J-pouch in a couple of weeks. I always stay with him while he is in the hospital.
 
I just want to know in detail what he will be like right after this surgery while in the hospital. I know you can't control bowel movements afterwards. So should I stay in the room with him or will he constantly be going to the bathroom on himself?
He said he will have to wear a diaper for a while until he can control it. I just feel like I'll be uncomfortable seeing him like that and nurses will probably be cleaning him up and that will really bother me to see.
 
I just want to know what to expect so I'll be prepared.

suebear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 5698
   Posted 10/23/2010 8:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Is your boyfriend having a 1, 2 or 3 step procedure? Will this be his first surgery for the jpouch?

Sue

honestwoman50
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Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 833
   Posted 10/24/2010 6:38 PM (GMT -6)   
carrotjuice
  I guess its up to you. If it bothers you to see him that way then be there when you can.  If he is ok with you being there then I say why not?  Its always nice to know someone is in your corner rooooooting you on to be strong, and to have the best result possible.
 
If it was my boyfriend I would ask him and see what he thinks...but thank God I dont have one of those...LOL
 
Leslie

carrotjuice
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 10/25/2010 12:02 AM (GMT -6)   
He wants me there, I just want to know what to expect. It's the 3rd, last procedure. We are excited!

Collicat
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 827
   Posted 10/25/2010 9:35 AM (GMT -6)   
My teenage son had the three step surgeries. He did have some leakage the first couple of nights post surgery. However, for him, it was really just like a seepage. He never wore a diaper. There was a pad on the bed that needed to be changed and his gown also needed changing but it really was not a big deal.

If you were there for your friend's earlier surgeries and he says he wants you there this time I think that is were you should be. You can always give him privacy if the need arises.

PS.....I think you are a GREAT girlfriend. I have two sons and I hope they can find a girl as caring as you! yeah

Scrap Girl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 653
   Posted 10/25/2010 3:31 PM (GMT -6)   
If while you are in the hospital and something happens and you feel uncomfortable, just step outside. That's what I have my husband do, except I'm usually the one who tells him to leave :-). There are certain things that I don't think he necessarily needs to see - like me giving myself an enema and me changing my appliance. Yet we have a happy, healthy marriage. He'll even choose to leave if I'm having blood drawn - I don't take it personally. I appreciate your honesty. Good luck!

samlc25
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 92
   Posted 10/26/2010 10:47 AM (GMT -6)   
I just had my jpouch surgery and think I may be able to help on two levels.
 
First, when my wife was my girlfriend of 3 months I became ill and was in the hospital for several days and was diagnosed with UC.  Of course, there were BM's all day and I literally cleared my end of the hall out with the smell of poop.  That's when I knew my gf would become my wife. :-)
 
Second, my jpouch surgery was last Wednesday and the surgery itself was a breeze compared to the takedown.  My bowels did not wake up until Friday morning although there was little bits coming out when I would try to pee.  I don't think there was embarrassing moment while I was there.  No night time seepage or anything.  I think it would be a good bonding experience for you IF he wants you there.
 
NOTE TO BOYFRIEND: As soon as his bowels wake up, start applying calmoseptine lotion on his bottom.  If he doesn't, he will get bad butt burn and will feel like he's passing razor blades for several days.  I speak from experience.  Also, he's going to need your help when he gets home.  I'm on day 6 and can barely walk.  Luckily, my wife is wonderful...

Anthony1977
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 10/26/2010 1:43 PM (GMT -6)   
I went through the two steps and both of them I didn't want anyone at the hospital. I am a guy and in no way did I want my mom there because she worries way too much if something happened (she is a mom and the best one) she would just start driving me nuts. The same thing with the girlfriend. When I got through everything and was starting to feel better then I would have the folks come in. Nurses and everyone else are there to help and deal with this stuff everyday 24 hours/day. If I had to do this over again, knock on wood ... I Probably wouldn't have told anyone that I was heading into the hospital. I Know it sounds rediculous, but it spread like wild fire and I had absolutely no time for relaxation. I think it is extremely kind and generous of you to want to stay with him. Hope all works out well.

- A

honestwoman50
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 833
   Posted 10/26/2010 2:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Marisa,  I am so sorry your having a hard time.  You just have to walk through the pain to get past it, its just something you have to do.  Then when your tired of letting this man, stop you from moving forward...don't let him win.  You need to replace the bad memories with all the good memories, I know that it takes time because I have been their.
 
What it comes down to really is a choice...Do I want someone else to control my every emotion, my life, with really a loss of time of being in the present and enjoying your life.  And celebrating your brothers life and not the death.  Having that horriffic memory of your brother like that will just drive you crazy.  Please dont let that man take one more life...Meaning yours...don't give him the satisfaction.  If you need to talk I am here for you...
Next month is my sons 28th birthday, and he has been gone 10 years, gosh how the years at first never seemed to end and now they fly by way too fast.
On November 7th, I will go to the cross where he was killed and release alot of balloons with messages of love to him and put flowers, and just talk about all the happy times, I break out all the pic's I have of him being so silly and it just makes me feel great .  Even though he was killed at 18 years....I remember all the fun we had, and what a wonderful son he was so loving and careing and he just loved life and he really lived it, and had tons of friends...so I hope this helps in some tiny way.
 
Love ya Lots
Leslie

carrotjuice
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 10/31/2010 9:07 PM (GMT -6)   

I keep getting told what a good girlfriend I am for being there for him. I have been there for his last surgeries and the other times he has had to stay in the hospital. Ive been there for remicade treatments, literally everything for the past 5 years.

I love him so much but he pushes me away all the time and he never tells me Im a good girlfriend. His mom says its because his mind is messed up from going through so much, but I just feel like Im not good enough. I feel like giving up but I love him so I dont.

Can anyone who has gone through this tell me what his reasons are for being this way? Does all this make you push everyone away and become very selfish?


honestwoman50
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 833
   Posted 10/31/2010 10:05 PM (GMT -6)   
carrotjuice
  I don't know but for me yes I pushed alot of people away.  I was secluded in my illiness because for me at least..I got tired of people getting mad cuz I could not participate in any type of functions, or just living.  Then they tend to turn on you because they do not understand what we are going through, everyone telling me to do this or that or to just get over it...
 
So instead of everyone always asking how I am feeling all the time, and why are you so messed up..just all the little things add up, your friends quit inviting you to do anything.  So we are alone in this disease, and I would rather be alone than to have people stressing me all the time, because stress made everything worse.  So I had to do what worked for me to keep me from going crazy with all the symptoms we all endure.  But hey thats just me...
 
Leslie

bearbear3
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 11/16/2010 11:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Carrotjuice,

I recently had a temp ileostomy and my wife was there the whole time. She's been there through hospital trips and overnight procedures. I will tell you, when I was first diagnosed with CD my (then) girlfriend pushed herself away. She seemed to be put off by the whole issue. But my wife, even when she was just my girlfriend, has been there through everything. She tells me how beautiful I am with my appliance and it makes a difference, even when I don't believe her. If he wants you there then I'm sure he knows in his heart what a good girlfriend you are. When you're going through all of these things pushing people away is normal. For me, I felt like it would be easier for everyone if they didn't have to "deal" with me. I apologized, and still do, for being broken, partial, or a pain. Thankfully my wife doesn't let me push her away. She talks to me when I'm distant and when she's feeling unappreciated. If you love him that much then he's thankful to have you. I say talk to him about it, when the timing is right. And I would almost bet if you keep standing next to him, even when he tries to push, he will come around. I guess I'm overtly thankful to my wife because I have had someone walk away due to my illness before so I know how amazing it is that she doesn't falter. I hope his procedure goes well. I don't know if you've had it done as the posts on this forum seem to be a few weeks old. Stay strong and don't walk away if you really love him. Hopefully he'll come around.
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