should people who come to HW for help be allowed to share their feelings about suicide?

should a person be allowed to talk about suicide?
4
never, no matter how seriously they are considering it - 28.6%
10
yes, this is the place to ask for help - 71.4%

 
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Gilda
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 194
   Posted 10/30/2010 11:07 PM (GMT -6)   
I know this is a very depressing topic but I think it is an important one.  I have been reading many, many posts on HW (ostomy forum) for about 1.6 yrs now and I know one member did commit suicide and just now I read about Bob's attempt which no one knows if it was successful (odd word) or not.  I don't know Bob but many people seem very fond of him and it sounds like his wife really loves him a lot!  I pray that he is o.k. and that he can recover and find a way to live without feeling so terrible both physically and mentally.  I have felt exactly the way Bob did and I would have loved to be able to come on this site and write about these feelings but I was afraid they would exclude me and if I did attempt suicide and it didn't work . . . I would have no one to talk to!  I really think this is exactly the forum for people who get so despondent to be able to express these feelings.  I think people's lives could be saved if they knew they wouldn't be banned if they posted such honest feelings.  Most of us have some pretty awful feelings at times and we need someplace to go where people really understand.  What do the rest of you think about this?
 
Thanks,
Gilda

Collicat
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 827
   Posted 10/30/2010 11:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I absolutely think our "friends" here should be able to ask for our understanding and help. We are all connected through this crappy disease and many of us feel very close to each other. I truly hope that we could be able to help each other in times of desperation. I think it is a huge injustice to exclude someone when they need us the most.

Gilda
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 194
   Posted 10/30/2010 11:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Collicat, I think it is absolutely essential that we can all communicate whatever thoughts we are having; it is the only way we can survive sometimes. Of course, most everyone here wants to be as positive as possible and encourage others but "feeling understood" is the most important thing. Thanks again for your response and once again, "I hope that Bob will be o.k. (and his wife). I know I have often wanted to leave this world because I have been sick for well over 30 years. I don't know what is right or wrong in this situation; I just know having people to talk to, who understand, is the most help I can hope for. thanks for responding!

Gilda

David Martin
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 172
   Posted 10/30/2010 11:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I too think we should be allowed to talk among are selfs "this forum" to ask or express feelings because its Always going to be something that someone thinks of with a disease that causes alot of stress in life. But the site wont allow it "maybe because" if something happened to someone who had brought it up, the site could be shut down.

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

I remember reading in one of the other topics "Anxiety" *spell check is off
that some people would make comments or discuse it to feel heard.
I know i would feel more comf. if i was able to discuse to a group of people ive been able to talk to for a while and can relate to, over a person who trys to just seem like they know whats wrong *psch. ward doctors.
Adam, 16. Birthday Sept. 30.

Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis a little over four years ago. I no longer have UC. I had surgery may 25. Final surgery is to be around the day before or after thanksgiving.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 10/31/2010 10:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Unfortunately, what has been well researched and documented is that when someone actually does that permanent solution to a temporary problem, it has a tendency to have copycat crimes.
 
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 10/31/2010 10:49:53 AM (GMT-6)


polishdan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1595
   Posted 10/31/2010 11:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes, in a positive way. Ranting and raving is not positive. Discussing and looking for help is positive.

Go to the Parkinson's Disease board and read topic "my major problem-too soon to die" by port mac.

Maybe a separate disease topic for just this "disease".

Dan

Christine1946
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 5975
   Posted 10/31/2010 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
     I agree with Polishdan

subdued
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3231
   Posted 10/31/2010 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Which is more important, following a rule or saving a life?

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/31/2010 3:43 PM (GMT -6)   
This member was last online yesterday, October 30th, at 4:15 PM.
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 10/31/2010 9:17 PM (GMT -6)   
i have a site of my own, and i would allow discussion of suicide, although i allow discussion of almost anything. because the people that come there, like the people that come here, are like a family and very close to each other, and sometimes have noone else to talk to.
HOWEVER, i would not allow sometime to tell HOW they are commiting suicide or how to commit any act of violence. No telling how to build a bomb or kill someone, things like that.
I think when people are contemplating suicide they need some voices of reason, and alot of times they can't talk to their families, because it has something to do with their families.
anyway, like was said up there, peter owns the forum, it belongs to him, so he has the power to do anything he wants with it, and he should, forums aren't cheap or easy to run. and you do have to protect yourself to some degree.
i just pray that bob is ok, we lost vette guy to suicide not too long ago, i surely don't want to see this happen again
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-
No matter what kind of day you are having, take five minutes to sing loudly and dance like a fool!

andorable
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 981
   Posted 11/1/2010 6:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Kitt do u mean bob was last online then? If so does that mean it appears he is ok? I hope so

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/1/2010 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes, that is what I meant.  The info indicates that his account was last online on that date which was after the thread that was deleted.  I take that as a good sign.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 11/1/2010 10:11 AM (GMT -6)   
I think what we need to do is encourage Bob to get help. Clearly there are unhealthy relationships in his life (that mother in law), which are influencing his already fragile mental state. He has been thru so much, but I do not think he realizes his own strength.

Bob, when you see this please understand that we want you to get help, and we feel inadaquate to give you the kind of help you need, but we will cheer you on to getting better frame of mind. (and we will affirm that your mother in law needs to take a hike)
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

subdued
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3231
   Posted 11/1/2010 5:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I hope Bob is indeed online.

There is another question about the question of deleting such posts. If the forum does not have a versioning control system in place, then whoever deletes the post could be destroying important evidence. In this case, evidence that someone was bullied to point of attempting or committing suicide. Does the person who deleted such evidence have the right to do so?

andorable
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 981
   Posted 11/1/2010 6:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Kitt, I figured thats what you meant. That is a good sign. Lets hope he gets the help he so desperately needs

quincy
Elite Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 30986
   Posted 11/1/2010 6:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Personally....if Bob were to online, he would have posted. I can't see that he'd to what he said he did, create worry and concern and not be back to explain if all was OK. Remeber, also that the time for what we see and how things are adjusted regarding time doesn't necessarily mean that's the actual time someone was online.

Worried...yes. Unfortunately, can't do a thing about it...which is distressing.

q
*Heather* I give suggestions, do with them what you will.
Status: ...Asacol 3 @ 2x daily; Salofalk enema @ 3rd night (nightly/ flares, tapered/maintenance)
~diagnosed January 1989 UC (proctosigmoiditis)
~Bentylol 20mg as needed; Ranitidine; Effexor XR 37.5mg (depression), Pulmicort/Airomir (asthma)
~vitamins/minerals/supplements; Probiotics....(RenewLife Ultimate Flora Critical Care+Primadophilus Reuteri capsules @ bedtime
~Metamucil capsules 6 twice daily with meals; Vitamin D 2000 IU
~URSO for PSC (or PBC) 500mg X 2 daily (LFTs back to NORMAL!!)
My doc's logic.. "TREAT (FROM)BOTH ENDS" worth it !!!

Scrap Girl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 653
   Posted 11/1/2010 8:44 PM (GMT -6)   
I hope it was Bob but I don't think you can assume that. My computer remembers my login and password for me. I always thought he was a very kind, sweet man who had a hand dealt to him that was way worse than most of us here have experienced. He never once struck me as the type that would play a hoax.

summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 11/1/2010 9:43 PM (GMT -6)   
subdued-i'm not positive of this site, but on my site, anything that is posted i have the right to remove at anytime, for any reason. basically it's like if you came in my house and put up a sign on my wall, i have the right to take it off at anytime.
I rarely take a post down,a nd when i do they are moved to the trash, not actually deleted, which is probably what they do here. Although im not sure of course, cause this site is different from mine, but the same basic format.
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-
No matter what kind of day you are having, take five minutes to sing loudly and dance like a fool!

Collicat
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 827
   Posted 11/1/2010 9:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Scrap Girl that Bob was always a sweet, kind man. I am hoping, with everything, that he is in a hospital getting the help that he needs. I, for one, do not think that he owes anyone an apology...."there, for the grace of god go I"( and I am not religious) ...I cannot imagine the belittling that he has gone through.

Gilda
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 194
   Posted 11/1/2010 10:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Collicat that Bob doesn't owe anyone an apology. Until a person has felt that utterly hopeless and despondant; they have no idea what they can resort to. Attempting suicide has got to be the most frightening act there is and no one wants to make that choice. That is why I am all in favor of allowing people to express their true feelings on sites like these; sometimes they have no where else to do it. I pray that Bob is o.k. and that he will post when he is able. There should be some way for people on these sites to post private info so if they need someone to call them or email them, that could happen in a serious time of need!

Gilda

andorable
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 981
   Posted 11/2/2010 7:04 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with u all that it possibly wasn't him but that glimmer of hope that it was and that hes ok seemed good at the time too. I also don't think he needs to be apologizing as he is clearly a man in desperate need of help, and only wish we could provide that help for him but unfortunately we can't. I hope one of his family members or perhaps his pastor were able to get him the help he needed and that he will be back to let us know he is ok.

Lonie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 6448
   Posted 11/2/2010 9:00 AM (GMT -6)   
I moderated alongside Bob for many years, and he knew the rules well and followed them to the tee. He was well respected on our forum and kept an even keel -- always knowing when to give us a cheerful little lecture about respecting each other. I can't imagine that Bob would "play wolf" with us. I've lived through the humiliation that someone can feel from life circumstances to lead them to feel over the edge. I'm hoping that Bob is in a place right now that he is getting help, and he knows how many friends he has here.  

suebear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 5698
   Posted 11/2/2010 9:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Agreed. Many new posters don't know Bob the way those of us who have been around longer do. Bob was a valuable moderator and a kind man. Bob has also been victimized by his tormentor for years. Sadly, I can imagine his pain. I do hope and pray that he is okay and in a safe environment. We all need to know that people do desperate things when under pressure and no one can predict what they might do in similar circumstances. For those of you who don't know Bob, please have some empathy.

Sue

fruitgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7150
   Posted 11/2/2010 11:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Seriously folks?????? I know I haven't been on in ages, but I do lurk from time to time. I saw Bob's post before it was deleted, and have been following along since because I am hoping to see some positive news that Bob is in fact OK. Bob had mostly left HW by the time I joined, but from the little bit I saw of him, he'd suffered an incredible amount, yet tried to see the positive side of life.

First, Bob absolutely does not owe anyone an apology. I firmly believe he didn't post what he did to "cry wolf." That's incredibly insulting to Bob to say such a thing. Who are we to assume to know what kind of pain he was in? Second, who are we to assume to know that if he has logged in, he isn't too embarrassed/ashamed/scared/etc to say anything? Come on. Have some shred of empathy. Have some decency to know that you cannot possibly understand what he went through.
Status: Remission since May 2009!
Symptoms began in November 2008, ~4 weeks after giving birth to my son
Diagnosed with pancolitis on 1/30/09
Meds: Apriso (4 0.375g pills ONCE!! daily), mesalamine enema twice weekly, Natural Factors Ultimate probiotic 12/12 Formula, multivitamin.  Used prednisone (starting dose 40 mg) to get into remission.
 
 

quincy
Elite Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 30986
   Posted 11/2/2010 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
I just wanted to add that if things played out...he probably passed out and obviously was on line till the line was closed or someone else clicked off line...probably unconscious.

If he survived, he would be in hospital under psychiatric watch.

I would suspect if that's the case, he won't be back any time soon unless he didn't survive.

Apology? OMG.

quincy
*Heather* I give suggestions, do with them what you will.
Status: ...Asacol 3 @ 2x daily; Salofalk enema @ 3rd night (nightly/ flares, tapered/maintenance)
~diagnosed January 1989 UC (proctosigmoiditis)
~Bentylol 20mg as needed; Ranitidine; Effexor XR 37.5mg (depression), Pulmicort/Airomir (asthma)
~vitamins/minerals/supplements; Probiotics....(RenewLife Ultimate Flora Critical Care+Primadophilus Reuteri capsules @ bedtime
~Metamucil capsules 6 twice daily with meals; Vitamin D 2000 IU
~URSO for PSC (or PBC) 500mg X 2 daily (LFTs back to NORMAL!!)
My doc's logic.. "TREAT (FROM)BOTH ENDS" worth it !!!
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