I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I know how you feel though. Many people on this forum chose to have their ostomies after years of struggling with disease. They knew what was coming and had time to mentally prepare (even though with that I'm sure it's still hard to deal with)
Like you, my colostomy was not a choice, it was an emergency. My colon perforated while I was in the hospital from UC and there was no other choice except removal. It's hard to go from one day thinking "ok I'll get over this and go home soon" to the next day waking up with part of your intestines sticking out. I cried the first time I saw my ostomy. I cried every day for 3 weeks after I had my surgery, especially when I first started having leaking problems, and I still cry sometimes when i think about
it too much.
I get mad too, mostly because my stoma is right smack dab in the middle of my belly and the majority of my clothes don't cover it very well, you can see the outline of the bag very clearly since I liked to wear fitted clothes. with some shirts you can even see my scar since my skin is so pale in comparison. My mom made me feel better about
this by taking me shopping to find clothes I'd be comfortable in. Nothing like a shopping spree! So that's what I've been trying to do to deal with the emotional upheaval; find ways to fix what's bother me. It's been getting better and it'll get better for you too. Keep reminding yourself that it's only temporary whenever it gets you down.
When you feel ugly and gross, think about
your fiance, hey he proposed while you had the bag! Obviously he still thinks you're beautiful, and I'm sure you are! having the bag doesn't change who you are, it only changes the way you poop, and let's face it, that's never pretty =P if I had a boyfriend i know i'd try these heart bag covers
they are pricey, but you might be able to fashion something yourself. There's also these covers
which are cheaper and come in a variety of styles. Maybe if it doesn't look like a medical bag you won't feel so self conscious.
You are not alone; emotional troubles are common with any type of surgery, especially ostomy surgery. But it gets better, just keep moving forward, one day at a time. *hugs*
and hey, i had my surgery on the same day as you, we can be surgery buddies :)
-diagnosed with UC Dec 2006 at 22
-allergic or intolerant to all 5ASAs, sulfa and 6-mp
-emergency transverse colostomy on 9/13/10 from perforated colon
-Now IBD is indeterminate tests will be done after healing if still UC J-pouch surgery, if Chron's take down of colostomy