Just came across this website and has read so much the past couple of days and would like to start by saying how my heart goes out to those that suffer with illiness'. My story is that I had diverticular disease, started 4 years ago. It was in my asending colon. Through a colonoscopy, it was determined that diverticula was throughout the colon. Not heard of for someone my age...then 32. I was flare-up free for 3 years until August 09. Again my asending colon, then again October. Now I know I need a resection and started on the surgical hunt. In January this year, found a surgeon but had another infection, now my decending. Then more in my asending in April & May. Stayed on antibiotics until further tests performed. My father was dying of cancer, so that is why it was so prolonged. In June, surgeon did colonoscopy & it was up to me, resection or total colectomy. I opted for total colectomy. Surgery was in July, total colectomy with ileorectal anastomosis. Things occurred and well, I ended up in ICU 8 days later. Sepsis, blood clot in portal vein, staff infection and surgery that day...anastomosis leakage. Was washed out & I had an ileostomy now. I was in shock and scared for my life. The blood thinners then caused my incision to bleed and they had to leave it open (didn't have laparoscopic surgery). Then the drainage tube days later was put in because I just wasn't getting better, still fluid. Long story short..came home after 38 days and 30 lbs skinner, ileostomy, and a wound like inside of Jaws mouth, couldn't walk and very malnurished. But was much better as each day progressed. Now its time to get the ileostomy reversed and scared to go back in. The complications almost killed me, but were all caused by the leakage. What if it disconnects again? I hate this bag, but having so many BM's.....I just don't know what to do. I'm a single mother of 2 small children. Active, was a ballroom dancer & accountant until all of this. I want the best life has to offer and don't know what to think anymore. My mood swings come in waves, can't believe what has happened. Very hard emotionally to move forward. Don't want this defining me. Thanks for listening and God Bless u all!!