Thank you summerstorm and stripey, I have asked him he says he does not know, why I just don't do it for him anymore, I know it is there but when I try to go to basics as you put it, it goes to ground, he is not concerned with hurting me, he knows I would tell him, we have discussed it to death, in the kindest and every-way a wife can, with words and without, he is only interested in a hug. It is stressing me to the max, I am trying not to think about it and just get on with my treatment but I am worried about my physicality and what the radiation and hysterectomy might be doing to me and what do I tell the doctor when he asks as he told me it was important I use it and keep it open, if nothing else but possible future treatment, I surrender it is all just too much, and there is nothing more I can do, he suggested I assist myself and that just made me cry, I am also concerned about when the ileostomy is reversed or if it can be reversed is this the rest of my life ? and if it can be reversed what then back to normal - Oh yeah that's going to happen, I am trying not to resent him and be angry but it is very hard, I have been seriously thinking of leaving as I think that is what he wants really. He may not be strong enough for all this, I know I am very strong, but this on top of what has happen alread and what I am currently doing is making it hard, I also stopped smoking a month before I got sick and have recently started again, my husband refuses to stop and the stress is too much for me to cope, I was thinking of going to stay near the hospital for the rest of my treatments aqs it is a 3 hours drive everyday to get there and back on the bus and very hard, it maybe a solution, for me anyway and I really have to put me first now.
Diagnosed June 2011 Malignant Solitary fibrous tumor, operation to remove it, Hysterectomy, resection of large bowel, ileostomy, radiation treatment, out look If I live I am okay if I don't i am not, the tumor is very rare and so they just don't know..but I am happy and well albeit with some challenges.