you are totally not crazy and i know exactly where you are coming from!
I had UC when my son was born and he spent the first two years of his life playing in the bathroom, he had a whole drawer full of toys, he had those crayons to write on the shower walls, and he colored those. When he was a tiny baby, he sat in the bathroom in his bouncy seat. That wasn't fair to him.
My final straw came at the beach, the first time we had taken him where he was old enough to enjoy it and walk in the ocean and i was in the beach house, waiting to be able to go out. And i remember, very vividly, standing in the kitchen of that beach house, thinking, this is it, i'm done i've had it, uc has taken enough from me, and more importantly from him. i'm getting it out, i'm getting my life back.
I didn't choose a jpouch, i chose a perm ileo, because i didn't want another surgery, i wanted it over and done. i wanted to be able to be with my son.
Like you i wanted to do field trips, i wanted to go to teeball, i wanted to sit in car line.
It was hard, the first six weeks after surgery, when you aren't allowed to lift and such, my son lived with my grandma, my husband worked 4 days, third shift, so he was basically unable to help much. and he wasn't that far away, only about a mile away so i dealt. I was 29 when i had surgery, i am coming up on my 4 year new bday april 17th and while there are hard times, rarely, but there are, i get through them, i go in the bathroom and i look at the crayon on the shower walls, and i remember WHY i have this bag, and i remember all i was missing and all i was losing out on, and i'm good, i'm happy!
So, be worried, be scared, be upset over the craziest things, but don't think you are crazy for wanting your life back, and don't ever think you are giving up! because surgery is the ultimate win!
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-
No matter what kind of day you are having, take five minutes to sing loudly and dance like a fool!