July 2010 I had a total colectomy with ileorectal anastamosis. But it disconnected, leaked and the horrible leakage turned into abdominal sepsis, gave me a blood clot near my liver and a blood infection. Was hospitalized for 5 weeks, ICU 2 weeks, ileostomy and an open wound. This has scared me so bad. The pain, the uncertainity, being told I might not make it, it's an out of body experience. I too have everyone in my life asking me when am I going in the reversal. I say...when I'm ready. They say what am I waiting for? I tell them...did you not see me, I almost lost my life, came home after a 35lb loss, bones sticking out, white no color, couldn't walk or stand, and those abdominal issues? And I'm a single mother, parents deceased, cared for myself with a nurse coming here to help everyother day. No one understands. The flashbacks, the depression, I still can't wrap my brain around it. When I came home, thank god, I did do a fast turnaround, it was dramatic and shocking how fast I healed. Now I feel well, active, and to go back in, gosh I don't know. My kids finish school next month and without the burden of the children, will probably do the reversal then (still have rectal stump, had severe diverticulosis.) I don't know how to walk through those surgery doors again, how to withstand being hospitalized for a week if everything goes well, having abdominal pain again, and the bowel recovery. What if it's not a success for me? What if I have severe complications again? All those what if's run through my brain all the time. I know how you feel, my best advise is to do it when it is a good stressfree time for you, and your mentally ready because you will heal better.