i rode in the car for the first 2 months, with my arms holding me up, so my butt didn't touch the seat, lol.
I think we all have had moments that were like, OMG what the heck did i do? When i woke up from surgery, my first thought was, wow i'm all better, my second was, what the heck did i do, my third was, this *(&(&(O hurts!!! then i got some meds and had no thoughts, lol.
But when i first saw my stoma (i'm going to warn you of this cause noone warned me) and my bag and output, i freaked, like big time. In the hospital, you will have a clear bag,and the output is this color that i can't even describe and the smell is the most horrible thing, ever!!! I'm not saying that to scare you, only to prepare you. Once you start eating, probably day two, it will start to smell less horrible and change in color, then when you get home you can use bags that aren't see though.
After the ET told me it wouldnt be like that forever i was ok.
I had another OMG moment the first time i took a shower alone, i got out, i was so skinny, and i had track marks on my arms from the iv's, my bag was hanging there, i had that huge scar and i looked like a heroin addict. i cried and cried, and then i saw (and this is corny) the crayon on my shower walls, that my son drew there while he waited for me in the bathroom for hours when i was sick, and i thought, well this is just stupid, looking funny right now is worth it! And during the four or five times since surgery (over 4 years ago) that i have gotten a little upset, i just look at the crayon, and i'm good. Almost everyday though, there is something that makes me think, i am so glad i had surgery, today, it was eating cheddar cheese chips, and yes thats a small thing, but it was important to me.
Anyway, i got rambly, lol.
I went the long way around to say that it's ok if you are upset after surgery or if you think WTH everyonce in a while, or if you get upset the first time you see yourself naked, or if you end up back in the hospital a few times. It's worth it in the end, it's just hard to get used to, it's a big change.
UC for 8 years, before finally kicking its butt and having a permanent ileostomy April 17 2007!
-I have gone to find myself, if i get back before i return, keep me here-
No matter what kind of day you are having, take five minutes to sing loudly and dance like a fool!