Most of the day at work I have things
under control wit immodim and opium tincture, the problem was when
Ihave to walk. It doesn't seem to matter if the stuff is fluid or
firmer. If it isr eally hard it stays in. Yesterday and today I had
messes to clean up when I got to work. Last night I went out to eat
with someone from work and got diarhea on the way home and walking
felt terrible, horrible itch and painful skin. I got right under the
shower. I thought it happened because I drank wine, so tonight I had
no alcohol when I went out with a group form work. I felt depressed
and insecure the entire evening, because I kept having to go to the
bathroom and was worreid about it, and also because I still don't
know if I have a job there or not, and no one knows my situation. We
just keep making plans for projects into the future. It is completely
Tonight my femine pad was again
competley full. I do not feel it when it happens. I am absolutely
distraught and do not feel like I can manage normal life anymore. I
will start pelvinc floor physio on the 7th and am not sure
if this will help me, I am really afraid I am damanged for life
because it not only happens when the stuff is fluid but also when it
is slightly firmer. If it would help, I would not mind if I have to
go for a couple of months as long as this can get resolved.
This is not suupseod to be happeneing.
I cannot behave normally because I cannot feel normally about myself.
I feel liek any chance I had for finding love at all is smashed and I
really doubt my effing surgeon gives a darn.