I am in a venting mood about
all of this today. With summer fast approaching, and I am ALWAYS at the pool ALL summer with the kids, I am beginning to get nervous about
dealing with all of this ileostomy stuff and what's to come. I picked out a couple of cute tankinis to wear and the pouch is mostly concealed unless one looks really hard. Still, I am upset. I have to get another surgery in July, and I will be hospitalized for another 4-6 days with more recovery. My mother-in-law is staying with the kids while hubby works, but there is a lot of dysfunction and it really isn't the most emotionally safe thing for my kids to have her here for a whole week. We wish there was another option.
Sometimes I hope I'll wake up and all of this is a bad dream. When I really think about it, having this ileostomy is not easy to deal with. Most of the time I am okay, but other times I am not. Like I have mentioned, I was sick for 14 years, but most of that time I was quite healthy and in remission. When I was sick I was REALLY sick, but it's funny how I forget the bad now and only remember the good. For example, I had three healthy kids while sick with UC. Granted, I never got my butt off Imuran and was always considered high risk, but taking meds always seemed to be part of my routine anyway.
When I got this thing I pictured myself getting back on the road to recovery, eating well, feeling good, etc. None of that has happened though. I got a flesh-eating autoimmune disease, I haven't stopped itching, and fruit comes out of my stoma like big rocks, causing horrible blockages. Also, my stoma looks like a weenie, and it will until July, but who knows if I'll trade the weenie for more problems at that time. It seems that how things are going for me with all of this.
Thanks if you got this far. I just need to get this off of my chest. It isn't easy for me, and I try to stay positive, but sometimes I am in need of letting it all out.
Post Edited (uc_free) : 4/25/2012 3:58:24 PM (GMT-6)