it's not a self-written evaluation, but my descript
ion of what I've done, so that my boss can rewrite it into a form he can present the executive director, who decides to sign the contract or not, which has been waiting on his desk since before I went in for surgery....
You've absolutely hit the nail on the head. Everthing that is happening – including the conclusion of the long illness and ridding myself of the organ that was trying to kill me – is telling me I am now at the place in which I have to change everything I want to change and I only have one life. And it is all in my hands, except for the contract part. And if the contract is not signed, it is an opportunity to shape things the way I have alwys wanted. This semi-incontinence is also an opportunity – the issue is control and it is giving me something to focus on.
My areas of change: my body and my self-image. I need to lose weight and my self-confidence has dipped to never before known lows. I reflect about
when this started, how I am not living with my intuition, how I feel pushed and pulled by all kinds of outer things and how I don't love myself enough. I also need to give myself a break, because I have been ill since 2007, and was ill from 2004 to 2006. I won't be ill any more though.
I cannot begin to list all the things in myself I am dissatisfied with. Even my own behavior around other people. I am shocked at how insecure I actually am, it is almost as if earlier I was too arrogant to even notice. The other morning I woke up and realized, I just want to be myself, when I am at work, I don't want to exist according to what is coming at me from the environment, but out of myself. And this is so difficult because it's been so long since I could hear my own voice.
Etc. You know, the really easy changes.....
Piece of cake!
Yours might be similar but I'd like to hear them anyway.
I also want to change the content of my life. I'll get 6 months of unemployment and I know exactly what I want to work on with the time. It might go bust, or it might bring me something. Who knows.
Disturbing that I will let the executive director decide if my life goes this way or that. But if I'm offered continuity of salary for another 2 years, I have to take it.
Poland!! I know about
your German connections but not Poland. I love going there and haven't been since 2008. I alwys have an incredibly interesting time and meet intresting people. Come in June!!! That train ride used to be 6 hours, and I don't see how they could get it under 4. It really is a very long stretch. But the soups in the restaurant car are great, not sure if I could eat them now. Does your ex's family live in Warsaw? It will definitely be fun if you come to Berlin but remember I'll take any reason to go to Poland as well. I also really love Cracow.
UC Dx and then 7 years of no symtoms. But when they started, they didn't let up, ASA stopped working, pred stopped working, and azathioprin did nothing. The threat of much more radical drugs, plus the fact that a stricture was about
to shut down my colon, led to my decision for a total colectomy in April 2011, 2nd step December 2011 and ... TAKE-DOWN WAS ON MARCH 19, 2012.