Blue, I don't have enough distance to
the whole business yet to really say anything clearly. There were
friendships that dissintegratedw while I was ill and to tell you the
truth I'd have to really strain to remember these people right at the
moment. Some peopel didn't know quite how not well I was and I did
expect more from some others who disappointed me. I have one
consistent friend who never got dramatic one way or the other, he
came to the hospital and undramatically brought me films, said „so
what?“ when I whined about the fatal future ostomy bag and when I
came back from take-down, said „welcome back to the world of a ss
– s h i t e r s.“ His undramatic approach helped me through
I made some new friends between
operation 2 and 3 who only know I had surgery but not what.
What I hear that you are not writing is
that you are angry with the ones who disappointed you. Well why not,
they behaved digustingly. But in the end, some where there for you,
and they and that is what is important. Time will go by and you'll
see who you will reconnect with and if you feel like forgiving.
Probably, the ones who disappointed you were not important enough to
not forgive. I am not a big preacher of forgiving everyone and
everything. I think it is ok to stay pissed off about something or
someone. But I am pretty sure that if I do not ever forgive someone,
they must have been very important to me and hurt me very
much.Sometimes certain boundaries get crossed and I am not sure if it
is possible to go back.
For myself, I am going to wait and see
who comes back into my life, but I am more interested in the changes
and new people ahead.