and I know I can do it here without being judged so thank you in advance for just letting me get it out.
I HATE THIS DISEASE! I HATE YOU CROHN'S DISEASE, I HATE YOU!
Okay, that was good. I hate every single thing about it. I hate(d) the bleeding butt, the cramping colon, the living in the bathroom, the inability to enjoy my children, the lack of human interaction, the drugs to "control" the disease, the side effects of those drugs and the new problems that developed because of them!
I knew surgery wasn't a cure - I knew that. I knew there would still be issues and I may or may not have to go back on medication. Just because I knew that doesn't mean I have to like it though. I had surgery December 15 and I just want to have a normal stoma with normal skin around it....that's all. Can't I just get that ONE thing? Okay, two things, but still.
No one "in real life" gets it except for my one good friend who also has Crohn's who I conveniently moved away from last year :( Hell, even my poor husband doesn't truly get it and he is in the medical profession. Ugh, it's days like today I just want to crawl into bed and turn the world off. BUT, I can't do that because I have a sick kid home, a house to clean for an upcoming weekend wedding getaway, dinner to fix for a husband I haven't really seen in 4 days and laundry to put away that I started on THURSDAY!
I need a vacation from myself.
I get to start Humira again as soon as all the paperwork goes through and I am not looking forward to that loading dose. It made me SO sick the first time around and I just don't have time to be sick. I know, I'll be sick if I don't take it so it's like lesser of 2 evils. At least it isn't prednisone.