You are SOOOOOO blessed that your surgeries worked fine and that your J-pouch is good. Just my take, but I think you are taking it for granted that surgically you came through things just fine, but do not take this for granted. After 4 years my ileostomy stoma stopped working, I had to live on IV's in hospitals in and out for 3 months until I found my own help with a doc 4 hours away who gave me a new stoma. I am loaded with adhesions and we are all praying that this new stoma works. If it goes down due to MORE adhesions I could die.
So do know that your surgery working fine is a blessing from God or the greater power or whatever you want to call it and don't take it for granted. Glad you are back with your mom I think you need her now. Get yourself to a support group for people who are getting off drugs and get clean. You are not a kid. Finish school, get a job that interests you, and if you are up to it learn ballroom dancing. It is all the rage with young people now. It is great exercise you meet nice people and you get to dress up and look great. I think if you had pretty things in your life and some special talent or interest you could develop you would flourish. Also if you have access to some counseling go and find out why you are subconsciously trying to sabotoge yourself.
Many of us are struggling to live, you have life and most precious of all you have youth and as I remember a picture of you, on some site you are very pretty. make the most of it. The years go by a LOT faster than you think they are going to. Also if you ever have a chance to get out west, go there. Mountains, clear sky, fresh air, it's God's country. These are all things I wish I had done when I was young so just passing these ideas past you to see if any of them appeal to you. Glad you are still in touch, it means you still are on some level seeking support and perhaps some guidance.
I like the Don't Worry Be Happy tattoo idea! But to be happy you need to be healthy. Don't jeopardize it. one's health is all one really has as without it nothing else really matters. Bless you and good luck. Your Cyber Grandma, Rosmary