Emotionally, I am in the same place but for different reasons. During the five years of traumatic roller coasters, our savings and retirement money was blown threw. I just learned of this today. My husband has not had a job for most of that time and I lost my career and all but one of my friends. I did not have insurance for the first two surgeries. Results? I am unemployable due to recovery and I have a financial cushion left to last about
3 months. I will need six months of new training before even attempting applying for my old job. The technology changes very quickly. I am already at retirement age but cannot afford it. I do not have any money for tuition.
I have one child still in college and another who was supposed to start graduate school at MIT this fall. Their lives are on hold until I start to have an income or they find amazing scholarships or employers who will pay their tuition.
And then there is the hot poker up my backside and the lovely
diaper I often have to wear. I look 20 years older than I used to. My hair has gone from a beautiful brunette to stark white. I am now fat, out of shape and incredibly ugly. I have removed all
mirrors from my bedroom.
But, BUT...we are alive. Somehow we will make it through
these tough times. When I am able to look beyond my pity party, I try to list the things that I am grateful for. It also helped to list extreme challenges that I already made it through.
The woulda, shoulda, could a's don't help. It becomes heavy baggage that weighs us down. I did wait that one more day, my
heart did stop, my colon did break up and come out of my body
in very painful bloody expulsions. You did the right thing not to
wait. I hated having the loop ostomy and bag but love the j-pouch even though the recovery has been full of ups and
downs. You will only have a few months of the ostomy, so please
keep your spirits up by focusing on how temporary the stupid loop ileo is.
As to your belly button. After the reversal my belly button went back to it's normal shape. It is the only thing on my belly that
is attractive. I hope yours does the same thing. :)
Diagnosed 1987 with lower left ulcerative colitis. Hospitalized often. Mega toxic pan colitis Dec. 1999. Perforated colon and total colectomy April 2011. First j-pouch surgery March 8. Five other damaged organs removed at that time. Ileostomy reversal June 26.
Post Edited (Subzeromambo) : 7/11/2012 11:14:03 PM (GMT-6)