It's finally here... Tomorrow I will have my rectum removed, my j-pouch constructed, and a new loop ileostomy formed.
Today I'm on clear liquids only but NO BOWEL PREP, phew! Sipping on some apple juice and iced tea. I've only been fasting for about
five waking hours but I'm already starving!! Patience, grasshopper...
All that remains for today is to pack my bag for the hospital, take a shower with antibacterial soap (and wash my hair... oh how I hate 'hospital hair'!), and telephone to find out my call time. Hoping for the early one, let's get this over with!!!
I think I've been through the wringer of every emotion you can have between surgeries leading up to now... Of course right after my first surgery I couldn't imagine living with an ostomy for 6+ months and all I wanted to do was schedule my second surgery as soon as the surgeon was willing. Then things got so great, and I got so scared of complications, that I seriously considered ditching the j-pouch entirely and keeping my ileostomy forever. Part of that is that I felt (and still feel) very indignant about
prejudices against ostomies, especially because I'm a young woman, and people say crap like "it's a shame for a young girl like you to have an ostomy." Uh, it's a shame for ANYONE to be housebound and unable to work or enjoy life and maybe even die from IBD! (I think I just plagiarized mrsbugzy's signature
) I had a lot of insecurities and felt that my friends and family were only encouraging me to get the j-pouch because they were disgusted by my ileo. I ended up getting a referral to a counselor through my job who helped me work through all of this and realize that as anxious as I am, #1 I am a perfect candidate for a j-pouch, #2 a functioning j-pouch would improve my quality of life, #3 the success rates are actually great (CC retrospective study shows only 3% of pouches fail, my surgeon's rate of pouch failure is more like 2%), and #4 I would regret it if I didn't move forward.
Since I came to those conclusions and re-committed to surgery #2 I've been trying to get out there and live life to the fullest and enjoy as much as possible all the things I know I'll have to put on the backburner again, and I think I have. I've run, biked, danced, used my abs; eaten raw veggies, nuts, and my favorite verboten foods pickles and olives!!; drank black coffee and tea by the gallon and reasonable amounts of alcohol. I've had SO MUCH FUN and... now it's time for surgery. So I'm impatient. Let's just do it already!!
Thanks in advance for entertaining my ramblings now (and most likely later today, tomorrow, from the recovery room, from my hospital bed... etc).
dx'ed UC pancolitis 5/12
past meds: asacol hd, VSL#3, apriso, rowasa, xifaxan, 6mp, cortifoam, pentasa, cimzia, canasa, butyrate, flagyl, cipro, prednisone, remicade, methotrexate, cholestyramine, cortenema
current meds: butyrate
step one: colectomy, end ileo 1/16/13
step two: j-pouch construction, loop ileo 5/1/13