I was in much more pain after my second surgery, but I bounced back a lot faster. Even though the first week was rough, I was pretty much back to normal within ~3 weeks. In contrast, the first surgery wasn't as painful at the beginning, but I felt worn out for almost six weeks.
Like your surgeon said, I was much healthier going into the second surgery so I recovered more quickly. Also, I don't know what your first surgery was like, but mine was done entirely laparoscopically with no large incisions, whereas I had a horizontal incision with the second surgery. I think that's a big part of why the second surgery was so much more painful, so if you already had a big incision, you might not feel the way I did. In any case, you will definitely need help with the little ones for a while but I'm sure you'll come through it fine.
Like everyone else says my loop ileo was harder to manage than the end ileo, but not impossible. The big difference for me was that I started wearing an ileostomy belt and that kept my skin in better shape. Just don't be afraid to change up your routine with the new ileo.
dx'ed UC pancolitis 5/12
past meds: asacol hd, VSL#3, apriso, rowasa, xifaxan, 6mp, cortifoam, pentasa, cimzia, canasa, butyrate, flagyl, cipro, prednisone, remicade, methotrexate, cholestyramine, cortenema
current meds: none!
step one: colectomy, end ileo 1/16/13
step two: j-pouch construction, loop ileo 5/1/13
step three: takedown 7/31/13