Partners Depressed 6weeks after temporary stoma operation

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/3/2017 3:53 AM (GMT -6)   
My Partner (male ) 55 years old
Has a stoma only 6 weeks old but at the moment is very depressed thinks there is more wrong. (Cancer! )
Before this he WAS VERY. Positive.
Has stomach pain, is moving more and I think muscular pain but how do I deal with his issues, has had rectilinear discharge which freaked him out. How do I make him feel good . I have no idea what he is going through besides what I see. How do I convince him it will be ok?
I would like to hear from others who have been here and come out the other side.


Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 10555
   Posted 11/3/2017 7:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Rectal discharge is extremely common. Even after the rectum or colon has been disconnected from the rest of the bowel, it still produces mucus. If there is no blood, there is probably nothing to worry about.

The pain from a major abdominal operation takes a few months to completely go: there is a lot of healing to do and it's a slow process.

Does your partner have a stoma nurse at the hospital? It might help him to speak to somebody who is experienced in ostomy issues. Otherwise, it's just a matter of time. He has been through a lot, with another operation still to come (if the stoma is temporary). He should eventually get back to his old self, but we're talking several months rather than several weeks.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay skull)
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/3/2017 6:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for you insight.
Yes he has a stoma nurse but reluctant to talk. He feels why me what did I do to deserve this but at same time knows he is very lucky he was extremely sick before the op.
He is normally very out going rides motorcycles but now scared to go out in case the bag leaks or his bum leaks.
Off all medication too.
My main concern was saying the right thing not to aggravate his attitude.
It's good to know it takes months to heal he thought by now he should be good.
Thank you again NiceCupOfTea

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 16403
   Posted 11/3/2017 7:34 PM (GMT -6)   
It's mentally taxing going through all of this - but it will get better. The way he's feeling is normal after such a huge change. I agree with NiceCupOfTea, an ostomy nurse really can help with perspective, and with supply issues, if that's something that's causing him to feel less confident. There are likely meeting groups where he can see other strong people living their lives fully with the pouch. His is temporary but it is positive for us to realize there are people out there thankful that their pouches gave them their lives back. It is a major adjustment, and something no one imagines they will ever deal with.

It takes time to trust the supplies. When I had my ostomy I tried all the products - request samples. Having a system that you like is a good step in feeling comfortable. A lot of people have leaking, especially early on. He should ask the surgeon for suggestions for strengthening. I used to do kegels.

When he gets reconnected, it will be another challenge, it takes time to heal and figure things out, but it will happen. He should also go get checked out if he has medical worries. Sometimes the only way to stop thinking something is wrong is to verify that everything is OK, even if it was just verified. If that doesn't help, therapy could potentially be an option for working through the fears.

Many of the temp ostomy folks here have had surgery for UC. We don't have our natural rectum or colon. What surgery is he having? Is it a resection or ileorectal anastomosis?
Co-moderator: Ulcerative Colitis
Currently: no meds. 6/15 Step One J-pouch Surgery Complete! 9/15 Step Two Complete! 11/15 Step 3 Complete!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1267
   Posted 11/3/2017 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
It going to take at least 2-3 months before he starts turning the corner then by six months he will start to feel better almost forget he has a bag . Then by 1 year his bowel will finally be healed .

I just heard of a 4 day old that was given a bag that he will wear the rest of his life . It's stories like this that make me appreciate the time I had bag free . 53 years was a great run . This baby got robbed . Tell him that story . Sometimes a little tough love is good .

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2017
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/3/2017 9:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all.

I also know a baby of a friend that had a bag for first 12 months of life now lives normal every day. 17 years old to date.
Good reminder!
My partner has his rectum intact, so perfect world in 3 to 6 months and all going well will be connected. That's is the plan for now.
Should I let him read these posts, to let him know he is one of many.? He will be upset I've put it out there, he is quite reserved with his own issues.
I am very happy that YOU ALL are willing to give information of the differences you have endured. You are all stoic individuals, with more major events in you lives, thank you.......
I feel his issue is minimal compared to you all but thank you again for you feedback
Thank you again.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2016
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 11/4/2017 9:17 AM (GMT -6)   
As everyone said it will take time to heal and adjust to the changes. When I had my colon removed in April, I didn't empty the ostomy bag for over a week by myself. The nurses did. Partially due to how sick I was, and concerned if I can't empty it properly. I also got leakage from my rectum in the hospital. These things did have me concerned as well about going out. After being discharged I knew when I would have to pass mucus or blood from my rectum. I would start to get abdominal cramps. I adjusted well to having an ostomy. I decided to make it permanent. Trying different systems helps, as notsosicklygirl said. Supporting your partner helps A LOT. It brought me comfort.

Reading the posts helped me, connecting with others who went through similar situations. I am very reserved about my health as well. Have him see a doctor for the discharge if it's bothering him. I didn't get a piece of mind until I was told what was causing it. Best of luck with healing to him.
Male 33
Diag UC April 2016, symptoms from Jan 2016. Changed to CMV colitis Dec 2016, blood clots kidney, lung artery Dec 2016, c diff Oct & Dec 2016
Current meds: valacyclovir
Past meds: Lialda, 6mp, cyclosporine, solumedrol, remicade, prednisone, valgancyclovir, lovenox, magnesium, potassium, lomitol, augmentin, flagyl, vancomycin
Supplements: iron
Total colectomy Apr 2017
Proctectomy Sept 2017
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