I'm pretty new to all of this also since my ileostomy surgery was 5/5. I need to empty my bag at least as often as your husband, maybe even more. My ostomy nurse stresses that I should keep it emptied quite often because my stoma is retracted and I've had problems with leakage. I'm having a barium enema tomorrow to find out if I've healed enough for the reversal. It's currently scheduled for 6/21 but I won't know for sure until the results of the tests are in.
My ileostomy is due to a 7 or 8 year history of diverticulitis that ended up with a massive infection and a perforation of my colon. Prior to surgery I was told that I may not survive so as much as I hate the ostomy, I realize I'm just lucky to be here.
In regards to the chemo, I'm also a hospice nurse (and no, hospice doesn't always mean you've given up). There are wonderful doctors that specialize in pain and symptom management. Yes, chemo can be extremely difficult but there are some wonderful drugs that do a fantastic job of making the process bearable. Please do not just assume that your husband must suffer through the consequences of chemo. There are people out there that can help and I would be glad to help you find someone in your area if that becomes necessary. Please let your husband know that it sounds like he has an excellent prognosis and my thoughts and prayers are with him.