Body image, depression/anxiety and feeling lonely and empty

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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 1/14/2007 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
My name is Krissie and I had a colostomy placed a few weeks ago.  This came after 10 years of being sick to the point that my family thought they would be going to a funeral soon.  I have crohns and have had 10-12, can't remember anal fistula surgeries, a rectal flap repair and horrible pain. I lost two husbands becasue they could not put up with all that was happening.  My first husband always wanted a skinny wife, but I apparently got too thin.  I was not having "accidents" back then, but I did have leakage I could not control, but easily enough to take care of.....pantiliners and 4 by 4"s.  I ended up having to take medicall leave from my nursing career in Boston, because I could not stay out of the BR.  I also had a large amount of intense pain.  My ex started cheating a lot.  My poor girls would stay in the BR and color just to be with me, because that is where I was all of the time.
When I met my second husband, he said all of the right things for someone who's self-esteem was shot.  When I started becoming incontinent it got awful..he left, too disgusting for him.  Disgusting for me also.  Waking up at 2 am to be covered in crap......horrible.
I am having a huge problem accepting this is going to be me.  I don't want to be alone, but what man would want to start dating  woman who craps into a bag on her stomach...very sexy.  I know it was just a few weeks ago, but I thought I woud handle it better.  I spent 2 weeks in the hospital.  I don't know if this can be reversed because they found that I have no muscle control in my large intestine.
I have a tremdous amount of anxiety and depression do to all of this.  Yes, I have a therapist and I am on meds, especially pain meds.....but I cannot get a hold of what has happened.  I am open to any advice, thoughts, anything.......I just need HELP!!!!!
Thanks for listening,
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