Here's some Reasons Why It's Great To Have An Ostomy as contributed by various ostomates to my site.
You are alive and well
No more pain
No more diarrhoea
No more "special" diets
No more running to the toilet and hoping you make it on time!
No more medications
No one can call you "anal retentive"
You can't get hemmarrhoids
Filthy public toilets?? No problems - you don't have to sit on the seat to empty anyway!
You can say "yes, I have guts - I've seen them!"
You can make some great "net" friends via the ostomy message boards and newsgroups
You can't get constipated (although blockages are no fun!)
Sometimes you can see what you ate 4 or 5 hours beforehand (this is a good thing???)
You can freak your doctor out by drinking "Blue Bolt" Gatorade before a visit - try this one - it turns your poop bright green!
Or try eating or drinking something red, eg jelly - turns your poop red!
If there is suddenly a "certain" smell in the room, you can confidently say "It wasn't me!" (unless of course you have a leakage, even then try and put the blame on someone else.)
You can confuse people by telling them they're a pain in the "you-know-what" but at the same time point to your stomach region.
You can not only study your navel but you can study something else as well!
You now understand the jingle for the commercial that goes "I am stuck on glad lock bags and glad locks stuck on me!"
I am my own Science project.
With a large part of me gone, maybe when I die I will get a discount if I get cremated.
If you ever get pulled over by a cop just pull off your bag and scream. If that doesn't get you out of a speeding ticket I don't know what will.
You can buy cheap toilet paper and it won't matter.
When I diet I have less weight to lose than other people.
If I join the space program I will be way ahead of my class in the waste storage department.
I can truly say I know myself inside and out.
A pouched stoma is a nice hand warmer on a cold day.
If I am ever lost at sea I can fill my pouch up with air and use it as a flotation device.
When you tell people if you don't get to a bathroom right now you will explode, it is no joke.
You can be hired by a major movie studio as a sound effects advisor because as soon as my stoma starts making noises the dogs and the coyotes begin to howl
You use less toilet paper!
When you say you have to go to the 'library' you really mean it! No more sitting forever on a toilet.
That old insult "Your are full of s--t" is demonstrably untrue.
Never having to (or even being able to) have another colonoscopy or drink another gallon of Golytly!! Yeah!!
Not having to locate every bathroom along any walking course of more than 10 minutes.
No rectal exams or barium enemas (well they do enemas thru the stoma but that's nothing comparatively. :) And you don't have to drink as much yucky stuff cause it goes thru FAST.
When somebody calls you a butthole, you can call them a liar (and if it's somebody that knows why, they get really embarrassed).
No more Hemorrhoids!.
...or peri-rectal abscesses or fistulas or cancer.
I don't have an ileostomy, I have a "biomechanical multitasker".
Going to the bath room on a camping trip is not a problem any more!
Whenever I hear the saying "excuses are like buttholes, everybody has one" I can refute it.
It's great to have a urostomy because now I can finally pee standing up!
Good thing about having a colostomy is: not having to sit in the bathroom hours on end being bored outta your mind. And no more of that reading everything in site such as shampoo ingredients.
You can torture your family on a cold winter's day in Canada. While all of the windows are closed 'burp' your pouch.P.U.!
I have had an ileostomy for 31 years now due to UC.
Moderator of the Ostomy Forum
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts of me are missing!