Just know that it is normal. I went through the same things, hated the stoma, hated the thought of changing it, hated everything about
it, and that my life revolved around it.
Some people adjust faster than others, and some need more time. You may want to talk to your doctor about
it, maybe get a referral to a therapist that deals with this, and yes there are therapists that deal with this.
If you live somewhere where you can't find one, all you can do is wait it out, and try to help yourself. My best advice is to start getting out and doing things. Go to the local park and take a walk. Go take a horse back riding lesson. Go shopping. Do all the things you weren't able to do before the surgery because you were tied to your bathroom or were in too much pain. It will all start getting easier. It will finally dawn on you that this may be worth it.
Another thing, people will not know you have one unless you tell them. I worked with people for years who never knew. The noises start to get less and less, if you feel a "burp" just put your hand over it to muffle it, but you'll soon realize that no one else notices, and that you hardly make noises anymore. Make sure you have a good supply of M9 drops and go out into the world and be a part of it.
It will get easier, it will become a normal part of your life, just another thing to do in your personal hygiene routine.
If you need to talk to someone, I'm here, lots of people are here. You can e mail me privately also.
Good luck, don't be too hard on yourself, but make yourself get out into the world.
25+years diagnosed with CD.
Numerous surgeries, permanent ostomy, adverse reactions to Remicade, now on antibiotics and prednisone, currently awaiting liver biopsy to see where we go from here.