Getting Nervous...

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 4/5/2007 3:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok, everyone bear with me please this is going to be extremely irrational, but please read it and then post "you are doing the right thing" actually you don't even have to read it, but it might be good for some laughs!
So I am having my surgery on 4-17, just 10 days away, and then I can really actually belong on this board, woo hoo!  So I am actually really excited about it, and I do know it is the right thing, but now I start having all these weird thoughts.  I had three valid reasons why I thought it was a bad idea, they are, it might leak/smell, it's kind of gross, and I will have to take stuff with me places (ok that one's a little weak) and about 30 reasons why I should do it.  But now I am coming up with all these stupid reasons to not do it.  Like, I won't be able to do a cartwheel.  Or what if I wake up and a cure for UC was found while I was in surgery?  I am married but what if something happens to my husband and I have to start dating again and then that would mean I would have to do other stuff (you know...) then how on earth would I deal with that???  See just stupid stuff.  I think what happened was, I just found a bunch of my old friends, from pre UC days on a website and now I am all nostalgic and missing that time of my life, before my body was ruined by years of sickness and steriods and having a baby didnt' help the look either, lol. 
Ok, now if everyone could please say, it's ok and some other encouraging words that would be super great!  :-)  
(You guys are really nice and have always been very helpful to me and I appreciate that)

Westcoast Joe
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 130
   Posted 4/5/2007 5:46 PM (GMT -6)   
You will find that this will become the day you started living again. You will be able to eat and drink almost anything you want. You won't have to look for the neareast bathroom all the time. You will be able to play and have fun again. I too had the feeling that someone would find a cure. But you may be hit by a bus tomorrow. Get my point. I talk with people getting the operation all the time. And everyone of them will tell you , that after they feel like a new person. I have only had one leak in 1.5 years. I work 50+ hours a week. Play golf and hockey. I can wear a belt and all my old clothes. My relationship with my wife is great. And i can play with my kids again. Go for it. I also like my beer and party like its 1999. In two months I will get reconnected. I have this option. Buttttttt, I had to think real hard about this . Life is great right now and I could live this way  forever. Also, I can do more than most of my friends. Because I have the drive. UC makes you apppreciate life more. I'm a better person because of it. Good luck and let me know how it goes. Joe

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 4/5/2007 8:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you, that was the kind of thing I needed to hear, lol. I am so excited about the eating and drinking thing, after the operation they will probably say to me,w ould you like some juice? And I will be able to say YES without being very very sick afterwards. The thing about the cure is weird I know and I have heard other people say that they thought the same thing, but I also thought, or I could wait the next 50 years and they never find one. Thanks again!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1251
   Posted 4/5/2007 10:18 PM (GMT -6)   
My parents had the same fear 'what if they find a cure in a year's time'. That was 31 years ago and we're still waiting!

I got my life back after surgery, no more meds, no more pain, no more running to the loo hoping I made it on time, I eat anything and everything I want. There really is no comparison between life before and life after surgery. The vast majority of people say to me 'if I'd known how well I'd feel after surgery, I wouldn't have spent years trying to avoid it for so long'.
I have had an ileostomy for 31 years now due to UC.
Moderator of the Ostomy Forum
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts of me are missing!

Glad Bag
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 4/6/2007 4:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I am right there with you Cattieos! My surgery for a temporary ileostomy is scheduled for April 20th. I have Crohn's disease, not colitis, so for me there is more chance that the disease will just spread to my small intestine (for now it is centralized in the lower end, the very, very lower end!). I have been running over the pros and cons so much since I first met with the surgeon, but I am still convinced it is the right thing to do. Most doctors do not want to recommend a surgery, until they see it as the best and only solution. Trust your doctors. Trust your instincts. Trust all the other people on this board who swear how much the surgery helped them.

For me, I am recently single again, and now I am faced with having to explain to any future girl I meet about my situation. That part is frustrating to me, but I know that the girl I want to be with will need to be understanding about Crohn's disease, regardless if I have an ostomy or not. If she isn't, what do I want to be with her for anyway, right?

As for a cure, they are still making incredible progress, but I don't think your doctor would want to go ahead with surgery if he didn't feel it was necessary.

Me personally, I plan on being cured one day, I just wish they would hurry the hell up!

for now I take Humira, which is the newest FDA approved treatment for moderate to advanced Crohn's disease. It still is not enough to keep my symptoms in check.

I am also waiting to get in a trial for new stem cell therapy. Doctors inject stem cells into your blood, and the stem cells find the damaged tissues, and begin to repair the tissue to pre-disease condition. That sounds cool to me, how about you.

But the way I see it is, if I don't let them do this surgery now, I may not be around for that trial. Now that would be the real bummer.

I think the choice should go like this, do I want to feel better and more in control of my life and my body? yes. Then, good, there is no question whether I am going ahead with the surgery.

Keep it simple. Happy or sad? I choose happy, and I am taking all the people on this message board's word for it. I will feel better, darnit! So will you.

Buddhist Quote of the day:

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened - Happiness never decreases by being shared - Buddha

Talk to ya'll later......

wish me luck, I have a date tonight. I hate to say it, don't want to offend anyone, but it will probably be my last chance to yeah yeah before my surgery!

vette guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 650
   Posted 4/7/2007 4:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Your thought are normal.  I remember thinking that I would never be able to wear a Speedo.  The funny thing is that I've never worn a Speedo before, and that I always thought they were a joke!!!

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/8/2007 9:31 AM (GMT -6)   
catt.   I remember having all those crazy thoughts and a few more.  I kept thinking they will find a cure. I had my surgery in 1988.  I am still waiting  yeah   My dreams of being a bikini model just didn't happen( as if!! ).  I think it was just the old panic rat got out chewed on my sensibilities.  All the what if's of life came knocking at my door.  At the time I was only 19 and well scared crapless.  I then realized that I was not in school,(because of crohn's) I could not work, I was passing out, I was pooping in my pants.   Life did not look so great.  Since then I went back to school, became a nurse, and am now an educational assistant.( summers off) I also have two beautiful boys 11 and 8. People often ask about my decision to have the surgery. I alway tell them that I didn't chose surgery, I chose to have a life. I can do anything I want to do with my life and so can you. scool  BEST OF LUCK 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 4/9/2007 6:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone! If I had any doubts they were erased Easter Sunday when I had to sit aroudn the table with everyone else eating, and me just sitting there because I was afraid eating would make me sick and I would have to be runnign to the bathroom every two minutes at my grandma's house. And then to make it worse when I got home and could eat, my pear salad upset my tummy! Hmph! (If you don't know, because most people don't, pear salad is half of a pear with miracle whip and shredded amercian cheese on top, it is super good!) So that made me realize for sure that this is so crazy to keep living like this, when I don't have to.
Sorry it takes me so long to reply to things, my husband takes the computer off to work on the weekends so I don't get to use it, lol.
GladBag, I hope your date went well, and that your surgery goes well!

Glad Bag
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 4/10/2007 11:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Cattieos, thanks! The date went well, and surgery is coming in about ten days. Hope you feel better soon too!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 212
   Posted 4/10/2007 4:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I have my surgery on 4-23. I am also thinking dumb things,lol. But the one thing I am thinking is that I can leave my house,and I am planning on a vacation at the end of July. And NO MORE DIAPERS!

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 4/12/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Any type of surgery is a scary thing and it's normal to have doubts. I had my surgery about 1.5 years ago and had the same thoughts about 'what if'. Let me tell you, when all is finished and you are up and about after surgery you will feel so much better. No more UC pains and sickness, no more meds.

If you change your appliances regularly there will be no smells, just when you empty it but everyones BM stinks!!! Leaks can be a problem but with the proper help from the nurses you'll soon learn what system works best for you. Get as many samples of products as you can and try them all to see what works best for you.

Try to keep yourself busy until the surgery and time will fly by. I filled my time doing all the things that I knew I wouldn't be able to do for a while after the surgery (baking, major cleaning of the house, taking care of little things that we'd let slide, etc)

best of luck!
** Christine **
UC dx - 2005
ileostomy - Oct 2005
J-Pouch - May 2006

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