Sex and an Ileostomy

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/4/2007 12:11 PM (GMT -6)   
i have had my ileostomy for about 6 years now and i am looking for some advice to feel more comfortable with myself during sexual intercourse.  Right now I feel like my bag is in the way and if i put my smaller one on than sex doesn't feel so spontaneous anymore!! any ideas???
Crohn's Disease for 15 years
Currently no meds...
I have an ileostomy and it is the only thing that made the quality of my life better...

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/4/2007 1:04 PM (GMT -6)   
A fellow stoma friend of mine has a tube top she wears and just slides it down to hide or cover her pouch, she and her hubby are fine with that.
Im going for my surgery this week and when Im back to my old self and feeling good thats what I had planned on trying.
Good topic idea, Im anxious to read other responses.


New Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 6/4/2007 2:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I've had my ileostomy for just over a year. When I first starting having sex with my boyfriend after the surgery it was really difficult and sometimes we couldn't even do it (I'm a girl by the way...), but that was just to do with my self confidence and after a while things went back to normal.

Nowadays when we have sex I either wrap my PJ's round my waist to hide it (very sexy!!??!) or just let the bag hang free, depending on what kind of mood I'm in.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2003
Total Posts : 335
   Posted 6/4/2007 4:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been looking for one of those tube tops for ages but I can never seem to find one. Anyone know where I can get one from? I am in England.

I sewed a small pocket in a silky scarf that I tie around my waste and I pop the bag in the pocket to stop it flopping around lol

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2527
   Posted 6/4/2007 5:57 PM (GMT -6)   
I actually purchased a belt like cover on a website. I think the site was medical experts or something like that search for ostomy supplies online and you should come across it. It was only $15
Dx with Crohn's 1987, symptoms as early as 1984.
Temporary iliostomy February 19 2007
Ovarian cysts dx 1994, migraines dx 1996, allergies (including food allergies) , oral allergy syndrome (sligtly different than true food allergies), Astham dx 1984, Gall Bladder removed 1999, Inguenal hernia Sx 1987
Protonix 40 mg, Nuerontin, oxycontin, dilauded, Folic acid 1 mg, Vitamin b12 1000 mcg, vitamin b6 100mg, Diflucan 100mg, vitamin A, Multivitamin, Elavil 100 mg, Zanaflex 4 mg, asmanex, singulair, foltix, probiotics
As needed: Albuterol inhaler, relpax, nebulizer (albuterol ), have an Epi-pen but hope I never have to use one.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1251
   Posted 6/5/2007 4:53 AM (GMT -6)   
I was going to suggest the tube top too. Or else you can just tape the bag down so it doesn't move about. A lot of people just let it be though (just make sure it's empty) - after all, they're not really concentrating on their bag at the time! :D
I have had an ileostomy for 31 years now due to UC.
Moderator of the Ostomy Forum
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts of me are missing!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 231
   Posted 6/5/2007 11:17 PM (GMT -6)   

I found some long tank tops in Penny's in the Junior section,  They were a knit stretchy material, so they didn't fray when I cut straight across the top to get rid of the straps.  I got a black one and a brown one, and I think I will get some black lace and sew on the top and bottom.  I get a size smaller than I need so it will hold the bag tight.  I like it because it is longer than a tube top and I just fold the bottom of the empty bag up under it and put on a silky robe.  We never think of the bag during those 5 minutes, Hee Hee! 



vette guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 650
   Posted 6/6/2007 11:19 PM (GMT -6)   
The first time I had sex after my surgery I was scared, really scared. I was all alone!!!
Seriously though, being a guy, I make sure the pouch is empty and I usually wear a tank top and flip the pouch up under it. I tried the smaller pouch , and like you, I thought it ruined the mood. 'Wish I could help more.
Now.......get to it!!!!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 6/10/2007 2:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Having just had my ileostomy surgery, I am waiting out the six week period of abstinence, but I'm very glad for these great suggestions!  Ahhhhh, what challenges we all must overcome in just about every aspect of life.  Thanks for being real, for sharing your lives with us.  I'm going to tube top shopping!

Crohn's/Colitis 2003.  Remicaid worked for 1 year remission,  Dipentum, FishOil, 6-MP, Vitamins, weaning prednisone!!,
Subtotal Colectomy w/ Ileostomy May 16 2007  

Glad Bag
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 6/19/2007 12:35 PM (GMT -6)   
six weeks period of abstinence!? i don't think you have to wait that long......just don't get too into it and overstress your body, and/or get tired out.

i only waited about two weeks, but i think i healed pretty fast compared to some.

My only problem now is that I have screwed things up with the girl I was seeing and i felt comfortable with her and the ileo issues (i guess i was a little self destructive and ruined things for myself, another story)

Now i have to find someone else, and then get past those issues again. What a pain.

the funny thing is I know in my head, that i tend to make a bigger deal out of the whole thing then the other person does, but it is hard to remember that all the time.

I mean, i always see all those guys with the "No Fear" stickers on their big ass trucks.....i am the one with no fear, for actually having the guts to talk to a woman about this stuff.

cheers to me, and all other men with ostomies, who have the confidence to approach a women with such a sensitive issue...

cheers to all the ladies, who give us men with ostomies the love we need!

one love ------- :0)

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/19/2007 1:07 PM (GMT -6)   
I was going to add that the six weeks is a long time, i think i waited about 3-4 weeks before hand but i usually heal up really quick, just do what you think is right and what you will be comfortable with. 
I took people's advice and actually used a man's A-line tank top and it worked beautifully.  It was the first time in a long time that the ostomy wasn't on my mind during intercourse!!!(thank god)! yeah
In addition to the last comment I just want to say Thank god to ALL the MEN and WOMEN who have to deal with this on a daily basis and thank god to the men and women who love us back, It's tough for both sexes to have to deal with these issues on a daily basis never mind having to worry about what their significant other thinks as well!
Like my father said to me when this first happened, when you meet the right person he/she will accept you for who you are, no matter what.  He was right!
Crohn's Disease for 15 years
Currently no meds...
I have an ileostomy and it is the only thing that made the quality of my life better...

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/20/2007 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I am in the UK, and my ostomy (ileo) is just over a week old, and permanent. No anastomosis. I'm managing very well indeed because I feel better than I have fro a few years. Now the first thing, and most important for us girls. I found a lovely smallish family company, that seel gorgeous underwear, I hope its as good as it looks, because it looks lovely. Also swimming cozzys, jamas, and lovely slips etc. Here's the link. so check it out.
The second thing is, what kind of a recovery period is it. I have had a total panproctocolectomy. It is the third time in three years that I have had a major cut there for one reason or another. Also in 2003 I had spinal fusion surgery that failed, leaving me in constant chronic pain, and I take pretty heavy duty pain killers. However I feel remarkable, except that as soon as I do too much my body starts to ache, and I have to lie down. I'm ok with that, but how long is that likely to last. I dont work so thats not a problem. But I foresee a battle with my husband and meals and general cooking. For the last few years he just buried his head in the sand, with regard to my illness, never came to the consultant with me, or visited me in hospital. He has a phobia I think. He works away three weeks and home three weeks. The first operation I had he thought the no lifting 12 week rule was a joke, so I was back cooking fairly rapidly. Now I love him but he is awkward. and, he can not cook, and he only likes home cooking or good restaurants. No fast food at all. I've spoilt him. The second time was also a joke. That was after the hysterectomy. I filled the freezer with M&S ready meals, and he would not eat them. The third time was last November, when I had a rectocele, repaired, and hemicolectomy. However I cooked Christmas dinner for 8. My grown up children up to this point were not terrific either. Then, as far as they were concerned the penny dropped, and this time they have looked after me since I came out last Sat. My husband comes home tomorrow, and I am a bit nervous. I realise I must generally now be a bit week in my abdominal wall. I certainly dont want to risk a hernia, not with a stoma. So I would appreciate any advice at all.
Many many thanks in advance.
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