Eva Lou ---
It's ok to cry! I'm sure ALL of us have gone thru some of the same feelings you are going thru. Feeling sorry for ourselves, angry, frustrated, then the complete opposite - excited, anxious to be healthy, and on and on.
Personally, I was rushed into emergency surgery thinking I had another blockage or they were just gonna do another resection. Came out of surgery with a permenant ileostomy. Rectum was gone, what was left of colon was gone, and several more feet of small intestine was gone. I was really, really depressed about it. Very negative. But, I had a UOA visitor about my age that came to the hospital to visit me, and that was a huge turning point for me. She was a godsend. She was healthy, happy, raising a family, working full time, involved in her church, and other activities, vacationing, and very active. Not too long after I recovered from the surgery, I was kicking myself in the bu** for not having it done much sooner. You will actually regain a life back, if you can even remember what it was like to have a life after being so sick.
Yeh, looking at pictures of a healthy stoma is not an appetizing thing, but it's just one small hurdle. It just becomes part of your anatomy and you will adjust. The difference is that you don't have to look at your rectum (well, it's kinda hard even if you wanted too!), but the stoma is right there lookin' at ya. It will be covered up nearly all of the time and it's really not that bad once you see it a few times. I remember that from 23 years ago!
This forum, in my opinion, is such a wonderful thing. You have contact with all of us ANYTIME! We are here for you to cry on our shoulders, ask any questions, whatever you need. Keep your chin up and look to the future of being able to eat, travel if you want to, go shopping, go out with friends, go to work, .....
So, Eva Lou, you just ask away. Never feel bad about expressing your feelings. It is much healthier for you to express them and be prepared for your surgery.
Diagnosed with CD in 1979, many resections and meds
Perm Ileostomy July 1984 at Cleveland Clinic
Disease free since surgery