do people treat you like this?

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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 12/15/2007 12:10 AM (GMT -6)   
ever since i got sick eight years ago, people treat me like i am weakling, and there were times i couldn't do much, but even then i could carry things, and what not.  Even now, after my surgery, my 78 year old grandma will take stuff from me and say it's too heavy for me, she will carry it.  A few weeks ago, my 83 year old great aunt, had this box and she was carrying it and i said, i will take it and she says, "oh it's very heavy i don't know if you can handle it or not" but she gave me the box anyway, and it weighed like one pound, literally and the whole time i am carrying it she is fretting over it. 
I used to have a job where i had to pick up generators and pressure washers, another job where i picked up tv's and i worked on stock teams some too when i was in management training.  All while i was sick, and those things are really heavy.  But for some reason, my family, except for my sister, all seem to think i am incapable of doing anything at all for myself.  My Mom isnt' too bad but she does it some too.  they also act like i need to be protected from everything.  Which is annoying because i have been through two abusive relationships, losing many family members and friends, and suffered eight years of chronic illness and chronic pain, dealing with an embarssing deblilating disease, most of that time working a full time job, and part of that time caring full time for a child and a home, and having a part time job, and then having a major surgery that complelted altered my life and my body, and i came through it all still smiling, without the use of any kind of anti-depressants or drinkign or anything like that.  And you know, I think that makes me a pretty strong person.  I am so tired of being treated like I can't do anything. 
Do people treat ya'll like that? and if they do, how do you deal with it?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2765
   Posted 12/15/2007 6:05 AM (GMT -6)   
I can't believe your grandma and aunt are treating you like you're a little, old lady. nono You just need to tell them that while you appreciate their concern, you're healthy now and don't want to be treated like you're sick and frail. They obviously think they're doing you a favor and won't realize that they aren't unless you point blank tell them.

Lately, I've had the exact opposite problem! In the last week (on top of working a full-time job), I've helped move a storage unit full of furniture, a Bowflex treadclimber, and a treadmill. Every muscle in my body is so sore right now! Nobody ever asked me if they thought it was too much for me to handle. Sometimes, I wish people wouldn't expect me to do SO much!! sad

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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 12/16/2007 12:20 AM (GMT -6)   
lol i guess we can switch places!
i do tell them all the time, but they ARE little old ladies and stuck in their opinions. I suppose though, now that i think about it they do that to most people. My Dad was gonna to get into his mom's well, my grandma and another of my great aunts, got a rope and tied it around my dad and held on to it while he went down the well. She is 81, and weighs probably 100lbs, and my Dad weighs alot more than that, lol.
But my Dad had polio so he has a bad leg, i guess they just think we all still need to be coddled.

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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1998
   Posted 12/16/2007 10:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Only my mom used to worry about me doing too much. She too would coddle me (only out of love) and yell "don't do that" when I would be unloading groceries from the car, or carrying a load of laundry in the hamper, etc. And run to take over doing whatever it was that I was doing. Even when she was taking chemo and radiation, she thought I was doing too much. She wasn't strong enough to do it for me at that point, so rather than upset her, I would just wait until she dozed off and carry/move things that she thought I shouldn't. It was a win/win situation that way! Things got done and she didn't get upset. {And yes, during that time, I definitely was doing too much. Heck, it killed my gut to lift a regular wheelchair into the car so I had to get a lighter transport chair so I could lift it.}

My husband has pretty much been just the opposite but he is getting a little better the older I get - esp now that I have had shoulder surgery. Since the surgery I've learned that he couldn't believe that I wasn't complaining about my shoulder hurting prior to the injury since there was so much arthritis in it and a fairly large bone spur. He's never really been a "coddler".
Diagnosed with CD in 1979, many resections and meds
Perm Ileostomy July 1984 at Cleveland Clinic
Disease free since surgery 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 12/18/2007 12:25 AM (GMT -6)   
my husband doesn't coddle, that's for sure! he's a nurse and he gets tired of sick people and doesn't like it when there is one at home, but he still acts like i am incapable of doing things. Part of that is just htat NOONE listens to me, i could say to my Dad, hey lets go pick up that bag of gold on the road and he would say, no i don't think that's a good idea. But my sister or her finacee could say, "lets go eat that dog poo with a spoon" and he would be grabbign out a spoon! I guess that doesn't really have anything to do with my being sick, it just annoys me, lol.
I know they are doing it cause they worry, and Mom's are supposed to worry, it's in the job description, but suprisingly my Mom isnt' quite as bad. Now, if I dont' call her when i get home at night, or on my way home from work, that's a diff story, but she does let me do physcial stuff.
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