Intimacy questions

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Ash83
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 128
   Posted 12/19/2007 11:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay, I'm sure not everyone is comfortable with sharing their experiences, but for those who are I'd love to hear how you manage.
 
 
Has/does anyone not cover their ostomy during these times? How has your significant other dealt with it?

Post Edited (Ash83) : 2/9/2008 7:21:35 AM (GMT-7)


Amey
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 942
   Posted 12/20/2007 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Ash
Here is what I do...I wear my mini Hollister for intimate times. I also wear a pair of crotchless panties over my bag. Then, I try to schedule "private" time for my husband and I on the day that I need to change my bag. This way I can remove the entire appliance and just wear a cap. The cap is wonderful. It is the next best thing to wearing nothing at all. Coloplast makes a 2pc that fits both bags and caps so you can cap when ever you want. Hollister only makes the one-pc cap.

I am glad the 2pc system is working for you.
Amey
 
 
Ileostomy 8/2007
Revised Coletomy/ Reset Anastimosis 2006
Revised Colectomy/ Obstructions 2005
Sub-total Colectomy 2001
 
Prov. 16: 20 Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.
 
Zelnorm, Colace, Motilium, Citrate of Magnesium, Nexium, Amitiza, Potassium, Magnesium, Miralax, Milk of Magnesium, Corgard, Glycerin Suppositories, Sorbitol, Bentyl, Senokot


sfgiantsjo
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 420
   Posted 12/20/2007 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I can't wear a cap, I swear my stoma is constantly active. And, I sometimes don't want to have to "prepare" every time my husband and I do anything. I really still want spontaneity, ya' know? Currently I wear a two piece opaque Hollister set up. As long as it's opaque, I'm comfortable enough to just let it hang out. I don't cover it, or change to a mini (unless, of course, I DO want to prepare, then I'll change it to feel extra comfortable). My husband is way more okay with the bag than I am. So everything I do is for my own self esteem. It took awhile, but now it's just normal for us.
UC diagnosed: December, 1999
Asacol: 1600 MG daily
Immuran: 150 MG daily
Prednisone: 4 MG daily (Woo-Hooo! Getting lower and lower!)
Remicade: Infusion every 7 weeks
Probiotics 4 billion CFU Daily
Glutamine 500 mg 2x Daily
 
OFF all meds!! Liver failure, and emergency surgery as soon as liver levels return to normal. ACK!
 
Surgery August 24, 2007. Home now!


justjenjen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 12/20/2007 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Thankfully my hubby is a nurse and nothing about my bag could possibly gross him out. I don't cap, change to smaller bag, or anything. Since I've gotten my perm. ile. we have been way more spontaneous b/c I'm not sick all time nor in constant pain. It does not bother him in the least so I've just had to learn to not let it bother me...that was probably the hardest thing.

sfgiantsjo
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 420
   Posted 12/20/2007 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for you! Letting go of trying to hide it all the time was a big step for me in accepting it completely.
UC diagnosed: December, 1999
Asacol: 1600 MG daily
Immuran: 150 MG daily
Prednisone: 4 MG daily (Woo-Hooo! Getting lower and lower!)
Remicade: Infusion every 7 weeks
Probiotics 4 billion CFU Daily
Glutamine 500 mg 2x Daily
 
OFF all meds!! Liver failure, and emergency surgery as soon as liver levels return to normal. ACK!
 
Surgery August 24, 2007. Home now!


Bagarama
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/20/2007 6:28 PM (GMT -7)   
When I was sick, I rarely felt good enough to have sex. Now that I'm healthy, my sex drive is back in full force! My husband is so happy that we're having sex again, that he could care less about the bag! tongue

I've always worn short nighties to bed, so when the mood strikes us, I just take off my panties and have some fun!

summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 12/20/2007 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
justjen-my husband is a nurse too, so i was lucky that he doesn't get grossed out by anything, or get too upset about us gettign sick or something, excpet for some odd reason, if someone bleeds alot, like a cut, he thinks we need to run and get stiches. But that has nothing to do with this, lol.
I didnt' feel like it while i was sick etiher, and he just got a vascetomy, so it was out for a while. But now, i just tape it up, we have to sort of plan with a two year old, and then i pull my shirt down to cover it.

Slice
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2004
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 12/20/2007 9:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Men???? What the..

Thats right.....take it off!! TAKE IT ALL OFF!!!
 
Crohn's for what seems like forever
Bagged in August 2006
@ssless as of 11/2007
 
 


Bagarama
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   
I think men are so happy to be having sex that they could care less if we had a bag stuck to our foreheads!!! tongue God bless you guys!! We women need to learn how to be less self-conscious from you all. Thanks for giving us the honest truth, Slice. I'm ditching the nightie next time!!

Amey
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 942
   Posted 12/21/2007 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Bagarama,

YOU SAID IT! My husband is just so darn happy to have sex he could careless what I have on or look like. Covering the bag is something I do just because it makes me feel better about my body.
Amey
 
 
Ileostomy 8/2007
Revised Coletomy/ Reset Anastimosis 2006
Revised Colectomy/ Obstructions 2005
Sub-total Colectomy 2001
 
Prov. 16: 20 Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.
 
Zelnorm, Colace, Motilium, Citrate of Magnesium, Nexium, Amitiza, Potassium, Magnesium, Miralax, Milk of Magnesium, Corgard, Glycerin Suppositories, Sorbitol, Bentyl, Senokot


Slice
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2004
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 12/21/2007 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Wait a minute. It works both ways. My wife could care less about the bag, she just wants some!!  I think it's just us, the people who actually have the bags who really are bothered by it.
   Come on now, it ain't just the guys. Lot of tank top and crotchless panty talk going on here.
  Women. yeah
 
Crohn's for what seems like forever
Bagged in August 2006
@ssless as of 11/2007
 
 


justjenjen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 12/21/2007 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Too, funny!! Yes, my hubby is just happy to have his new and improved (read: horny) wife!!! Forget the bag and enjoy!!

Amey
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 942
   Posted 12/22/2007 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Justjen,

If you get horny, you are doing better than I am. Sex for me is still painful. I am 5 months post-op. Every time we are together, I bleed for a day or two. If it does not stop in the next month or two, I am going to call my gyn.
Amey
 
 
Ileostomy 8/2007
Revised Coletomy/ Reset Anastimosis 2006
Revised Colectomy/ Obstructions 2005
Sub-total Colectomy 2001
 
Prov. 16: 20 Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.
 
Zelnorm, Colace, Motilium, Citrate of Magnesium, Nexium, Amitiza, Potassium, Magnesium, Miralax, Milk of Magnesium, Corgard, Glycerin Suppositories, Sorbitol, Bentyl, Senokot


Bagarama
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/23/2007 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Amey, I don't know if this will help, but have you ever tried KY Jelly? It's a lubricant that you can purchase at the grocery store near the feminine products. It might make things less painful. Plus, you can try different positions, like him spooning you from behind, to find out which position is easiest on you. Good luck!



awesomeame
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 629
   Posted 12/23/2007 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
OK, time for some male perspectives please haha :) i'm young & single and am wondering what the boys do with their appliances if anything????

--matt
Dec 2006: Proctocolectomy/permanent ileostomy
Since 1991: Indeterminate crohn's/ulserative colitis


Indabag
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 12/23/2007 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I just got home from church so I'm going to have to redirect my thought processes for this one. From a male perspective, I think positioning is key. I also sometimes use an ace bandage to wrap around my waist and to keep the appliance secure. Plus having a wonderful loving partner is great. As it is often said "Where there is a will....."
 
Richard

summerstorm
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 12/23/2007 10:20 PM (GMT -7)   
if you guys wear a two piece, you could turn it compeltely sideways, or even upsided down, that might help. I don't know, i am trying to think of it, but somehow it just seems dirty for me to try to give advice on that, lol.

justjenjen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 12/24/2007 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Amey, did any of your surgery involve your girly parts? I just wondered b/c mine did. I had to get a fistula repaired and it took months for it not to hurt! I bled too but only a tiny bit--but the pain lasted for about 2-3 days!! I just knew the scar tissue was the problem and I needed to suffer through to make it better. I have no idea what your situation is--under no circumstances would I ever suggest "suffering though"--but for me I knew it was the right thing. Also, angle does play a role. There are some angles that are way too painful for me and some positions--it just takes time to figure it all out.

Amey
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 942
   Posted 12/24/2007 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Jen, I know that my rectum was sewn-up when I was given my ileostomy but I am not sure if that is a factor. The vaginal wall is shared with the lining of the rectum so I am assuming that this is what is causing me to hurt. I do suffer through the experience because I know my husband needs "relief." We do change positions a lot but I feel like I am always saying "Ouch, that hurts, can we try something else." I feel like we are on a roller coaster with all of the twists and turns. I am going to call my GYN and see if I can get an appt in January.

As for KY Jelly, I use something better...Kama Surta oils.
Amey
 
 
Ileostomy 8/2007
Revised Coletomy/ Reset Anastimosis 2006
Revised Colectomy/ Obstructions 2005
Sub-total Colectomy 2001
 
Prov. 16: 20 Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.
 
Zelnorm, Colace, Motilium, Citrate of Magnesium, Nexium, Amitiza, Potassium, Magnesium, Miralax, Milk of Magnesium, Corgard, Glycerin Suppositories, Sorbitol, Bentyl, Senokot


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/24/2007 7:16 PM (GMT -7)   
HI all
Am happy most are getting the intimacy they need as I am now as well after talking with doc ........

Please do though try to remember we have 13 yr olds reading ....lol........not something they need to see ......EH

Have a Good One
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badbaggirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 12/26/2007 7:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry moderator. There are I would assume, some have these issues that DON'T get addressed by our surgeons and gynos (with dissmissive responses) and have NO place to talk to anyone. I too have had a very tough time with intimate times because things just aren't the same. I don't feel as though I am as grateful as most of the people here to be 'fixed'. (I am NOT. I still have Crohn's disease). It HURTS to even think of having a sexual experiance since I had my whole rectum yanked out. My vagina seems as though it collapsed and ... zilch ... and it's been 7 months. It's not as nice as some would describe getting an ostomy. It's like Disneyland ... 'cept there's no rides and the weather sucks.
BadBagGirl
Crohn's Disease, Colostomy due to cancer and I make darned good dill pickles.


awesomeame
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 629
   Posted 12/26/2007 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Indabag said...
I just got home from church so I'm going to have to redirect my thought processes for this one. From a male perspective, I think positioning is key. I also sometimes use an ace bandage to wrap around my waist and to keep the appliance secure. Plus having a wonderful loving partner is great. As it is often said "Where there is a will....."
 
Richard
what the heck is an ace bandage?
 
guess i'm having a hard time in this dept...having the bag with no pain is great, but from my perspective it's hard on the relationship front.///i'm always worried what ppl will think!  all my friends know about it, but how you bring it up with a perspective mate (lol) i have no idea...
 
& ya, this site is pg13, but i think this thread is OK.  i mean there are a lot of 13 y/o's out there experimenting, so TALK is OK i think, we're just here to help each other
 
--matt
Dec 2006: Proctocolectomy/permanent ileostomy
Since 1991: Indeterminate crohn's/ulserative colitis


badbaggirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 12/27/2007 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
An ace bandage is a wrap around stretchy thing. You can wrap it around your waist, secure it with tabs or velcro and tuck your bag it. I have worn one many times. It also helps muffle the noise that comes out of the "alien". You still don't feel naked though, as if you ever do anyway with an ostomy.
BadBagGirl
Crohn's Disease, Colostomy due to cancer and I make darned good dill pickles.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/27/2007 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   
I didnt mean to stop the talking or the thread I BELIEVE it is very important...I have crohns and had same issues to a point .............

I was trying to joke a bit BUT also let u know that some wording can be used to still explain what we ALL mean ...........

Sorry if I offended anyone......that was not my intention as I do hope you will now know

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
New DX of C.O.P.D.
ON too Many meds to post.........
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
 
                 Happy Holiday From My Home To Yours
      Please Stay Safe and Have  a Designated Driver .........
                           LYN N CAIT
 
 
                            


Glad Bag
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 12/27/2007 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Well Ladies,

I happy to hear so many of you already have loving and understanding partners. I, however, am with Matt, being a single guy in this situation is just plain lame....

Matt, you really should try the Ace bandage technique. I bought one that is self-sticking (it sticks to itself as you wrap it around your waist). Just fold up your pouch and wrap the bandage around your waist so that the pouch is then tucked away under the bandage (ace bandages are what you use on a sprained ankle or wrist).

As for how you approach women about the subject, it is always a challenge. I have started to become more confident since I have been able to cross this bridge with a couple girls since my surgery.

I think the best approach is something like, "so....a while back, I ended up getting pretty sick with this whole crohn's disease thing, and well, I had to make a really tough decision and ended up having a pretty intense surgery. I am so much better now though, so I know it was the right choice, but it did leave me a little different than I was before"

that's when the girl will probably ask, "like different how? or what do you mean?" and you simply say, well, "let just say i don't really take a cr@p anymore in the traditional sense, you see" and then just do it bro, just pull up your shirt and they get the picture really quickly.

I know it seems like an impossible task, but once you have done it, it becomes much easier. I really believe now that most women respect a man who has the courage to do what he has to do to help himself, and that includes something like having such an intense, life-changing surgery as we have had.

Sadly though, getting past the first hurdle of telling them about your appliance does not mean you have won the battle. For instance, I was seeing one girl for a while not long ago. I was able to tell her pretty quickly about the whole deal, and we got together....but it did not work out. I know that she was not right for me, but I also still wonder if the appliance did bother her. It's just part of the reality of our situation, but the more you can confront the issue, the easier it will become. I am sure of it.

Anyway, so I really recommend you try the ace bandage. I think I remember you mentioning you already use a mini-pouch, which is obviously a better choice then a full-size pouch.

ok, everyone, I got to get back to work, and I will be in Mammoth snowboarding for the next week including New Years Eve so enjoy the rest of the holidays!

and remember if you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi! cool cool cool yeah yeah yeah tongue tongue :-) :-) redface redface eyes eyes devil devil
"The things that make us feel so abnormal, are actually the things that make us all the same" - from PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives - by Frank Warren

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