I can relate to all of the above. One evening, about three weeks out of my surgery, I told my wife that for once I was going to relax, without the pad and the jockeys etc., but be careful. I was gonna leave my comfy pants on and just generally enjoy a night in front of the tube, letting it all hang out, so to speak. I was wearing my PJ bottoms, my sneakers (with no socks) so I could walk outside, a loose tee shirt -- life was good.
Just before lying down in front of the TV, I grabbed myself a short glass of water to take over to the end table next to my recliner. BUT -- I made the BIG mistake of taking a quick swig of the water at the sink .
This "swig from hell" went down the wrong pipe, and created a coughing fit that opened the floodgates beyond anything I had ever experienced. It felt like my urethra was ½ inch in diameter and pressurized!!
It was like a deluge – going down my legs, into my sneaks -- I ran with towel in hand, to try and get to the bathroom and avoid any real serious damage control.
I guess it's funny in retrospect, because my friends still get a big kick out of hearing me tell that story.
I'm a real "pisser," they tell me.