Bob--You've already been through kidney cancer, atrial fibrillation and other medical conditions, so you've got a head start on understanding yet another disease, prostate cancer. And you're lucky to have found this forum, confusing as it may seem at times. I did not find the forum until after surgery, but better late than never.
Prostate Cancer patients who opt for surgery, as you have, are all over the map in terms of their recovery, including urinary and sexual function. The great thing here--and I've encountered it many times myself--is that whatever the problem, you're probably not the only one who's had it. Just knowing you're not alone can be an important first step to resolution.
That said, I used several full-underwear pads a day (I had penile leaking only) when the catheter was first removed. I thought it would go on forever, but it did not. After a week or two, I was down to one a day, then began to use only a strip pad in front of my own underwear. Now, except for occasional stress-incontinence (a dribble only) I am continent.
The return of sexual function has been more problematic. I have to use penile injections, which are definitely not my idea of a fun time. But with an auto-injector device, it less difficult for me to self inject ( and less painful). You will find men from A to Z on this issue--some have an erection on awakening from surgery and others have continuing difficulties with this regardless of the method used to acheive erection.
I would strongly urge you, if you haven't already, to communicate with your wife on all aspects of prostate cancer--physical, emotional and spiritual. It affects them all profoundly. Prostate cancer is a 'we' deal with my wife and me, as we journey together, heart-to-heart, hand-in-hand.
I am still myself but also someone who has been changed by my experiences with prostate cancer. I try to live every day as if it were my last and each day as if I have a great future. Allow yourself to grieve the inevitable losses that prostate cancer brings, but also celebrate what you gain as a result of having prostate cancer.
Sometimes, especially at night, I am bewildered, worried and frustrated by prostate cancer and all it has brought into my life. Sometimes I think about it too much. But at times like that, I try to remember to do the hardest arithmetic of all and count my blessings. And as a religious person, when my mind parts in confusion I find that meditatating on these four simple words is helpful, repeating them with different emphasis each time: "GOD is for me, God IS for me, God is FOR me, God is for ME." And this often brings peace of mind.
Take care and hang in there...Tim