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Hi Mark and welcome to this forum. Thinking back on this thing I don't think I could not have dealt with PC if not for my friends on this forum. They are true friends in every sense of the word. They have been here for me with kind words of support and great ideas on how to deal with this. Don't be a stranger and come back often to chat and let us know how your journey progresses.

Mika

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age at dx 54 now 55

wow. what a response!
thank you for all the help and kind words.
i put my stats in a signature. i hope it works.
hey jim, what's L-Arginine?

i have not taken my eye off of the big picture, that i
am cancer-free. i also know that i am truly lucky to have found it so early and been able to take quick action. no doubt.
i did read the article in the ny times. i had a small sense that the success rates were self serving in terms of what they call success. i know i would not have made a different decision about treatment. however, as i went through the process of making the most informed decision i could, it would have been nice to have more accurate information. quality of life was a very important 2nd on my priority list when choosing a doctor, which treatment and ultimately which surgical procedure to have. 2nd priority, not 1st, but still very important. i don't mean to whine, you all seem so positive. i just haven't come to terms yet. in large part, i have been waiting for function to come back and that holy grail of 1 year that my dr. held up as the the time that all will be well. now i see it more as today is today and we'll see what tomorrow brings. am i the only one that is angry and feels a great loss? is anyone else struggling emotionally?
mark

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Age 45 (44 when Dx)
Pre-op PSA was 13.5
2 biopsies - 0/12 first time PSA levels continuesd to rise
- 1/12 5% on 2nd biopsy
Surgery on 12.17.06
Pre-Surgery Gleason 3+4 = 6 downgraded to 3 =3 just before surgery
Clinical Stage: 1
1 year PSA undetectable
minimal incontinence no pads
100mgs viagra or .06cc trimx nightly
non-functional w/out trimix

Hey Mark,
You have every right to be angry at PCa and it's nice little side effects. I can't say for sure, but I'd bet that we all have had an angry moment or period because of this disease. For me I'm mad at what this has made me have to do to myself. Surgery, Hormone therapy, and radiation were not in my lifes plans in November '06. Now I battle losing my libido because of the HT. My latest hope for a "Lupron vacation" was not in the cards. I have to wait until May '09. You started out after surgery with this issue. I started out slowly getting it back, then seeing a decline. So it's like you said. Today is Today. Mark, you are not whining in my mind. You are more than welcome to hang around and see some more of our group. We've got some more still who will check in and you can see what they have been able to do.

I am still positive in every way because I keep my faith, love, and hope in my arsonal against PCa. As for my emotions, when I get emotional I blame the Lupron. It's not always the case, but it's convenient.

Tony

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Age 45 (44 when Dx)

Mark,
You bring up some really valid points about your feelings. It is a perfect example of how easy it is to "know" something (like I had cancer, I am now cancer free) and "feel" something. Your feelings are very valid and must be felt and allowed to flow in order to go on. I am reminded of hearing platitudes by well-meaning people who heard that I had PCa and the feeling of anger that swept over me when they assured me I had nothing to worry about. Being told that you should just be happy that you don't have cancer anymore can feel as if your feelings of grief, anger, betrayal and envy are not what they should be. We each have our own healing journey - physical as well as emotional. The grieving process can be helped by places like this board, but even here, well-intentioned people can tell you what you should be thinking or feeling. Whatever you are feeling is ok. The grief process is different for us all. Because you are still in a dating situation in life, none of us old married guys can even pretend to know what you are going through in that arena. I can only imagine that all of the normal processes of getting to know someone are even more terrifying and emasculating when compounded with the after affects of this surgery. you have come to a good place. Vent, rage, cry, it's all ok.

I am a HUGE fan of professional help with all these feelings. It is not for kooks or nuts. Personally, I think the vast majority of people need therapy. We live in such a segmented society that the disconnection can be huge. If I could encourage you to seek out a therapist to help sort through this process, I think you will be glad you did. I have often thought that the first thing a Doctor should give you when told you have cancer is a therapist's phone number. So many people and couples are overwhelmed with this event that talking to someone would really help. I started seeing a guy almost two years ago. I was one of those guys who thought losers needed therapy. How wrong I was! I am so much healthier and grounded in every way now. There are no heroics in going through any of this alone. I have been grateful so many times that I had help in dealing with all the crap that comes up in dealing with all this.

OK, enough of my soapbox! This is a great place full of great people to help you. Welcome
Paul

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Hang in there, this is definitely one disease that produces various angles of concern. I had no idea I had PCa until an elevated PSA during a screening. Had DaVinci surgery on 9/5/07, catheter out 10 days later, had no problems with continence, but still have persisting problems with ED, started Levitra/Cialis when catheter was out, started bi mix last week, with promising results. Even without meds for ED, I am aware of consistent improvement with respect to ED, but only 5 mos out I am hopeful things will return to pre-op status. Do not let it become a mental struggle, you have won the round, focus on the rest of the fight.