New to Cancer

So,

  i am a college stuedent. I found out that my dad has prostae cancer. They said that caught it early. I am kinda shaken up by this news. Anyone have any advice for me?

       Thanks

  Hey ~   Eagle, Dad, & Loved Ones,   We know ~ we can “all” make “Your Journey” smoother just by being here for you!   This is truly a great forum!!! ~ You have joined!  You are now part our forum family ~ a group of wonderful individuals who are so willing to share...   It helps “all of us” ~ to help you ~ if we know where your loved one is …on their path.   Pull from “all of us”… things that will help to make your dad’s journey smoother. The more "specific" information we have on your dad's test results (see member's signatures and the links in your welcome message above) to help guide you and us.   Please stay with us and take our hand when you need it!   Keep posting.... OKAY!!           KNOWLEDGE     IS     POWER   ...   and   POWER conquers   fear   YOU MAKE THE DECISIONS… YOU HAVE OPTIONS… ~ and ~ Your decision will be the right decision for you!!!   Our thoughts and prayers will be with all of you as you continue your research. Keeping you and your dad close in thoughts and prayers. In Friendship,   Lee & Buddy   “God Bless You” It's a little prayer   ~   "God Bless You" ...but it means so much each day, It means may angels guard you and guide you on your   way.  

Hi Eagle10,
Your dad must be a special guy to have a child like you so determined to help. And not selfishly but for you and your younger sister. My son was 20 when I found out about my disease. I just told him straight. I kept him informed but I also told him that this disease can have very good outcomes. I told him I was a bit afraid, but mostly I did not want to not be here for him and my wife. 14 is old enough to understand pretty much most of what we go through. I am certain she will understand that your dad wants her to believe that he will be OK. For me, as a dad, I let him know everything. Sometimes had to time some information but he has it all. He has been there for me, and it's all I could ask for. The best advice I can give is be supportive, (both dad and sis), and take the time to continue to learn about this disease. Is your mother with you? You don't say but I ask, as it gives our "motherly" members a special heads up.

I am also a religous man, and I do keep my Faith in my fight along with Love and Hope. So God Bless you , Eagle10. In you, your dad already has at least one very special helper. Feel free to stay and ask any question.

Tony

Yes my mother is with us as well. She does not know how to act. I am away at school. So i cant be home. That is tough. MY mom is taking it hard to. She has to be strong for my dad and my sister. Any advice that anyone gives me is great. I dad goes to the doc. tomorrow to talk to the doc. Any advice is always helpful. I am going thgout so may emotions. I am angry that it is happening to my family, i am sad and cry alot, and i am so worrie that i dont sleep at night.... are these normal???

Eagle10,
Yes. They are normal feelings. But you can cope with them. I know it's hard for you but you are not losing your father tomorrow, and likely not at all. We here have a very good peace of advice. Learn about this disease. Knowledge will slow the fear. Eagle10, I do know what it's like to not be able to be near your father at a time like this. A similar thing happened to me. Anger, sadness, worry, loss of sleep, dang these are normal feelings, and I had them. There are other feelings that make these ones pale by comparison. For example, Love, Faith, Hope, Caring, knowing, helping, believing, understanding, just to name a few. You can be the leader of the family research team, or you can be the leader of the watch out for little sister team, or many other roles you can take on. Try to get some rest because your dad can use a fresh you. Try to replace anger and worry with knowledge. Start by learning the stages, and Gleason system, and the PSA. Get those in your signature, then let us ask you the questions if you like. Remember we share our information so that those who live with this experience can help each other. I just bumped a thread called "Videos". check on them and ask your dad what he knows. Ask you dad if he would share the technical information with you. Here are some questions:

1> What is your PSA? (should be between 0 to 4 for normal, mine was 19.8)
2> Why did you get tested?
3> What is your Gleason Score? (should be between 2 and 10, my Gleason Score was a 7)
4> What are you planning to do next? (Common treatments are Radiation, Surgery, and Hormone Therapy)

Your dad's age will also help us help you. When you have gathered the information there are some more things to learn, but we can help. So if you can post what you have learned and we can show you how to get to the next step. Again, Bless you, Eagle10.

Tony

Eagle10,

First, great screen name choice. The changes that are taking place in your fathers life now are dramatic and will require much support from you, your sister,and mother. My great nephew (he is like my own son) was 13 when I got the news about my cancer. I told him about everything. I left knowthing out. He has handled it very well. Even when the diagnosis changed last year. The unknown is hard to deal with, but knowledge is power. Get educated on this monster. Comfort your mom and sister. Hold yor father close and show him that you stand with him. There is no time to be wasted in asking questions such as "Why Me".

I discribe how I felt after being diagnosised as being put on the other side of a fence from everyone that I knew. I found that I had to be the comforter for my family and friends. The people here at Healing Well, along with my wife, have been my comfort givers. Their knowledge and experiences give me strength. You will find it also. The information that Tony has asked for will help us all understand your fathers condition better and show you the path you must choose in helping you father.

The most important thing that has helped me on my journey has been my faith and the prayers from so many people around the world. Pray for strength, wisdom, and guidance. The strongest drug we have to beat PC is love. Love your father, mother, and sister. Never let them feel that they are alone in this battle. Love will always win.

We will add your father and your family to our prayer list down here in "Sweet Home Alabama" and ask that you stay close to us here at Healing Well. God bless you.

You now have many more brothers and sisters on this journey.

Love, peace, and a big War Eagle,

Walt 

I am sorry to say that I am in the same boat.  (My father has prostate cancer)  I found out this past July.  I went through all the emotions, just like you.  The previous posts are right on.  The one thing that I will add and this is just in my opinion and experience, I know others may differ, but, I found it very important to have someone besides my immediate family to cry to.  In my case, I had to be strong for my family and I was and continue to be.  I cry in my room and to my husband when I need to cry.  Otherwise, I am my dad's and mom's biggest cheerleader.  They need the support...even more than we do right now.  I figured that I didn't want my parents to worry about how I was handling the news on top of everything else they would be worrying about.  Your dad will be ok, so will you, even though you might not feel like it right now.  Hang in there and use this site for support.  It is incredible.  Get educated on PC, oncologists, surgeons, support groups...just like you are doing and BELIEVE!  Best wishes to you and your family! 

THat is all great advice. Thank you so much. IT seems that i may not have given enough information about myself. So here is some background. I am from Tennesee. I got to college in Tennessee but awy from my home town. I am a girl. I am the oldest child in my fmaily. I have a yougner sister who is in middle school. I am a human services major. But enough about my. THey said that my dads PSA score was a 6.8.... i know that it is not bad, but not great. They meet with the doctor in a few hours to disucss treatment. The doc told my dad about a treatmetn in Atlanta GA, that was pretty mudh justy radiation and some kind of seed. ANyone know what that is about. THis may seem werid, but my dad is ver concered with leaking after all this. Got any advice ??

Eagle10,

Thanks for the information. By the way, I had robotic assisted laparoscopic prostateectomy done at Vanderbilt University in Nashville. As to the leaking I can give you the statistics of my surgeon. He has done over 1400 robotic assisted surgeries. At six months post op 90% of his patients are fully continent. Another 8% have stress incontinence which is leakage during strenuous activity or with a hard sneeze. The other 2% have leakage that requires additional intervention. In the case of surgery the expertise of the surgeon can impact these statistics. Your dad's Gleason score is an important number. It indicates the agressiveness of the cancer. The higher the number the more aggressive. Most men will have some leakage after the catheter is removed. It improves over time. In my case I became mostly dry at two months post op and completely dry at three months.

Tamu

Ms. Eagle 10,

Concerning your younger sister, I've been teaching kids at my church for 19 years now and yet offer only simple guidelines.
   Teenagers and their relationships with their parents are all different -
     - and this makes general advice on this topic a slippery slope.
My main advice is, cry when you feel like it - but do not linger in despair -
     - especially around your dad.
This disesase is very treatable.
Research indicates recovery rates are higher with optimistic patients.
Laughter is medicine.
Just be there for one another as best you can as you continue to live your lives.
     This will be especially challenging to your efforts in school.
     Do not be afraid to look up a school counsellor for support.
We of course will be here for you -
   - especially the kind and informed daughters, spouses, and dads that post here.

Copy some of this stuff and other posts and email it to your dad:
Your Dad's concern about incontinence is important.
I add to what the others have said:
   I would not choose treatment based on some idea that one treatment causes less incontinence than another treatment. 
Radiation delays incontinence (and E.D.) but both are still usually isssues.
(Proton Therapy may be the exception here.) 
While a very few patients experience no incontinence, -
  - except for a very few -
     -almost everyone overcomes incontinence within 12 to 16 weeks.
In the meantime, as you wait for biopsy information and regardless of treatment choice, I would recommend that your father start doing 3 sets of 10 kegel exercises every day.  (See my "incontinence" link in my signature for some discussion on kegels.) 

As we your friends here get more information about the biopsy and your father's age and treatment of choice, our posts will be more relevant.  Your father and mother should investigate the indexes found in the 4th or 5th post of Helpful Hints thread at the top of this page.
It has excellent examples of decision trees for treatment choice and prognosis of recovery from prostrate cancer, incontinece, and E.D.

Your Friend,

C^Cedar
ICTHUS!

This is a decision that only your dad can make.

If I were in his shoes, I would consult my urologist...maybe even a couple of urologists...before making a decision.

In my case, with a PSA that rose from 1.8 to 14 in a year and from 9 to 14 in 3.5 weeks.....and a Gleason score of 9, my doctor said that surgery in his opinion was the only reasonable option.  Another uro backed up that opinion....but that was me...

As for wearing pads, it is not the most fun in the world, but compared to dying or other problems, it is a mere nuisance for most men.  My recovery from incontinence has been slowed by other problems (an infection and hernia surgery), but I am down to one pad a day after starting with twelve a day.

It is nothing to be embarrassed or self conscious about.  It gets better and in the vast majority of cases, it does go away in time....might be days, weeks or months...but it does clear up usually.

My prayers and good wishes are for your dad.

Bob

Thank you all so much for all the advice. I will add my dads age to the profile. The robotic surgry i belive he is leaning more toward. He meets with some doctor tomorrow to talk about more options. IS it werid that he copes with this by making jokes? It makes my mom really mad. But it keeps saying it is not a big deal. My dad is a dentist and he even told the people that he works with that it it not a big deal. and well be back to work in no time. IF you all work how long were you out of work, or how long was recovery.. or.. this quesiton might be better. HOw long til your PSA was normal.. and undetectable.

THank. My mom appreciates all the advice that yall are giving me. He main concern in my father. I will update yall when i know more about his doctor visit tomorrow. Just remeber what i best friend told me toay when i told her about my dad.

She said: Kristen, God will never give you more than you can handle. He is right by your side even when you feel like no one understands, even when you feel alone. God is there. He is with you during the celebration, and the pain. So everyone take a deep breath and smile. God knows what we can handle!!!