My Dad has prostate cancer - need help

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/2/2008 7:45 AM (GMT -6)   
sad  I'm not really sure where to start.  about 11 years ago my Dad went into hospital and had an operation.  He said it was cancer and his prostate.  My Dad is a very private person and doesn't discuss things at all.  So I'm really not sure what the operation was for - whether he had his prostate out or what.  Since then he has been having regular hormone injections (every month).  Also he has had problems in his bladder and has had some sort of valve put in to control the flow and the incontinence.  He also had some kind of radiotherapy treatment too but I don't know on what part of his body, although I do know it was on his lower torso as he showed me his little "dot" tattoos that he had to have.  Just recently he tells me that his PSA levels have gone up from 4.5 to 8.4 in one month and that his doctor says he is going to put him on pills to try and lower this otherwise he will have to have chemotherapy.  My question is:  how far gone is his cancer?  He doesn't talk about it much so am I going to have a sudden shock one day and find out he has a month to live?  I'm very worried about him.  Please help.

Johnny Canuck
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 4/2/2008 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, your Dad is the repository of the information that you seek. Speaking from experience...I initially kept a lot to myself, not wanting to worry the family, etc. However, that reticence doesn't do anyone any good. People worry anyway, and it also ends up depriving the patient of valuable moral support.
That being said, you might refer your father to this site, and talk to him about your sharing this path that he's compelled to follow. Ultimately, it's a big deal knowing you're not alone. I hope this helps, and good luck to the both of you.
Age: 54
Gleason Score: 3+3=6
PSA: 3.33
Biopsy:7/8 Positive
Stage: "Bulky" T1c
Prostate Size: 27cc
Diagnosed: December 05, 2007
Brachytherapy: on February 26, 2008
  68 seeds, (Iodine 125). 

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 4/2/2008 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I am a lot like your dad and do not discuss my condition much with my daughter. As a matter of fact I have revealed more on this web site than I ever have to my family. My reasoning was, what good would it do for her to hear negative reports on my health. I want her to concentrate on raising my grandchildren. She recently approached me and told me that in some ways I was causing her more concern than if I were more revealing about my condition.

I am now trying to be more forthcoming as to my health. In the process I found it was not only that I did not want her worrying, I discovered that I do not like discussing certain things, as I am trying not to think about them, as much as I can. This disease will consume a individual if you allow it, therefore a lot of us deal with situations that demand we get some type of treatment or medication, and then try our best to get on with our lives.

I can only suggest that you approach him and inform him that his lack of communication is really causing you a great deal of distress, due to the lack of knowledge. I think he will understand. Most of us find the hardest times during this journey is when WE are in the dark or our lack of knowlege, such as test results we are waiting on or the time between test, etc. Explain to him it is the same for you, not knowing is worse than being allowed to help him should he receive news that is not so good. I have found that I do get a lot of comfort when my daughter calls just to see how I am handling negative situations.

Like all situations the more you and he communicate the better it will get. Just keep in mind, he most likely would rather not think about this no more than he has to. More than anything, try to spend time with him and keep him distracted and God forbid if something does happen to him you will have no regrets.

Good Luck
Prostate Cancer, Removed by Da Vincie Robotic
in Aug. 2006 
Poorly Differentiated Adenocarcinoma involving Left and Right Lobes involving 80% of the Specimens
Gleason 4+4=8
Pathologic Stage T2C No Mx
Age at Diag. 51
1 year PSA .02
DES Stent Placement on 12/31/07

Tim G
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2335
   Posted 4/2/2008 9:52 AM (GMT -6)   
It is wonderful to see the number of caring women (daughters and wives of men with prostate cancer) who post here!  I generalize, but men tend to be more closed-mouthed about health issues than women.
Maybe you can talk to your dad about his health and medical condition and treatment in a non-threatening environment when the two of you are together at home or in the car.  It helps him to know that you care, no matter what he discloses.
My wife, daughter and son were supportive of me during my cancer diagnosis and treatment, although my daughter was out of the country in the Peace Corps for much of that time. She in now in medical school so is not shy about discussing family health issues with any of us. 
Take care and hang in there...Tim

Age 59  PSA velocity quadrupled in 1 yr (0.6 to 2.6) 
1 of 12 biopsies positive (5%) 
Open surgery June 2006 
Cancer confined to one small area Gleason 5 
PSA's undetectable

Post Edited (TimG) : 4/2/2008 10:12:08 AM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 467
   Posted 4/2/2008 10:17 AM (GMT -6)   

I agree that approaching your father is the best course of action.

I am the opposite of some of the men here, in that I can discuss my medical issues without it bothering me.  My mother had a nursing background, so maybe her frankness in discussing medical things when I was a child led to me being able to discuss things without embarrassment or anguish now.

Every patient's situation is different, so anything that might be posted here about what might be going on medically with your father would be speculation.  As others have suggested, sit down with your father and quietly ask for information.

Good luck to you and your dad.

Danman Bob
Age 57
Nerve-sparing, open prostate surgery November 13, 2007
Gleason score 9, PSA 14
Biopsy result - 9 of 12 sticks showed cancer
Despite high Gleason score, cancer was confined to the prostate
Possible post-surgery radiation therapy...decision likely in late April 2008, depending upon PSA at that time
Unrelated surgery January 2008 delayed incontinence recovery, which is now showing good signs of improvement (fraction of a pad a day as of March 2008)
Began using Viagra 3 times a week December 2007 to stimulate blood flow
Began using Osbon Erec-Aid Esteem manual pump for therapy mid-February 2008
Will probably begin using bimix injections in addition to Viagra and pump in May 2008

Doting Daughter
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1064
   Posted 4/2/2008 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Having a father with prostate cancer, I can relate.  My dad typically does not share personal matters such as his prostate much either, but this entire experience with cancer has forced us to discuss the topics that are typically off limits for a father and daughter to have. 
If you would have told me a year ago, that I would be asking my father about his urine and bowel habits, not to mention, the use of Viagra, I would have never believed you. 
It is interesting how everybody reacts different.  I ask my dad straightforward questions and he answers.  My mom asks him the same questions and he gets mad at her.  My mom and I laugh about it.  I agree with the above posts regarding confronting your dad about the issue.  It's a heavy burden for someone to carry alone.  Even if he confides in your's a lot for your mom to carry.   
I'm sure your dad is trying to protect you.  That is what dads do...but us daugthers...we worry.  :)  Good luck and god bless!
Another doting daughter
Father's Information
DX July 15, 2007
Age 62 (now 63)
PSA 5.5
Original Gleason 3+4=7 
Post Surgery Gleason- 4+3=7
DaVinci Surgery Aug 31, 2007
Focally Positive Right Margin
One positive node
Bone Scan/CT Negative (Sept. 10, 2007)
T3a N1 M0
Oct. 17 PSA 0.07
Nov. 13 PSA 0.05
Casodex adm. Nov 07
Lupron beg. Dec 03, 2007 2 yr
Radiation started March 03, 2008 7 weeks 5x a week
2 weeks of radiation down!!!

Tony Crispino
Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8128
   Posted 4/2/2008 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi ~ Tobytime & Loved Ones ,


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Tony Crispino
Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8128
   Posted 4/2/2008 11:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tobytime,
The advice you have received is on the money. You need to talk to your dad and tell him you are concerned and that you want to help. You also can stay around and ask any question you like. This board is full of solid information and great advice. I personally will give my prayers, and hopes that your dad's PSA climb is temporary. The pills may work for quite a while. Give dad that support that you obviously want to. And welcome to HealingWell.

Age 45 (44 when Dx)
Pre-op PSA was 19.8
Surgery on Feb 16, 2007
Post-Op Pathology: Gleason 4+3=7, positive margins, Stage pT3b (Stage III)
HT began in May, '07 with Lupron and Casodex 50mg
IMRT radiation for 38 Treatments ending August 3, '07
Current PSA (1/08): <0.1
I will continue HT until May '09. 
Years in Remission (3/23/07): 1
Visit my Journey at:
Prostate Cancer Forum Moderator

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 4/3/2008 3:43 PM (GMT -6)   
cool  know the feeling of your dad telling you he has cancer. It it not a feeling that i want to wish on anyone. One thing that helped me was to bring my questions here. I am trying to find out everything i can so when i hear the news i know what they are talking about. I have been so blessed to have great friends. They nkeep me in high spirits. Surround yourself with the people you love. I have learned very quickly that i am not alone in this and neighter are you!!! Rememerb God will not give you more than you can handle. Smile everyday and keep your head high!!!!
 Best Wishes
  Eagle10 :
age: 58- good health overall
PSA- 6
G.score- 3+3
Doctor told him that surgry was best. Date not set yet.

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