No amount of massage gives me an erection -- self or otherwise. I can massage to orgasm without an erection but it's hard work. I find that a VED (pump) without constriction ring gives a good erection that does not last long enough for sex, but long enough for a good massage to orgasm. Orgasms are every bit as good as before surgery -- if anything they last longer. I'm still experimenting with constriction rings, and once I find something that works, will let it loose on my wife.
I have an understanding wife who enjoys cuddles and things that don't involve penile penetration. She is not fazed by failures, but just the same, I don't want to impose too many on her. I prefer to have my failures alone, and as it turns out, some successes too -- all in the name of therapy.
Three good things about prostate cancer:
1. You can
masturb massage for "medical reasons"
2. The biblical injunction against spilling your seed does not apply -- we have no seed to spill
3. Self stimulation does not make you go blind