When I had my biopsy, a light the doc was using made a burn on my rear. I noticed that something was getting hotter and hotter and drew it to his attention. He was obviously shocked at what happened. I tried to lighten the mood, so I laughed and said, "Well, I'm sure you have good malpractice insurance." Wrong thing to say. He had NO sense of humor, but I am not a lawsuit happy person, so he had nothing to worry about.
A few days later he calls with my lab report. He starts out asking about my "sun burn" as he called it and said he had never had anything like that happen before. Since he started on a light note, I assumed he was just going to say the lab report was negative. When he said, "Well, unfortunately the biopsy did show some cancerous cells..." it was surreal.
At the same time my wife was calling and my son answered the phone just as I hung up my cell with the doctor. He turned and said, "Mom wants to know what the doctor said." The words hung thickly in my throat, and all I could say was, "He said it was cancer." I will never forget the look on his face.
I did great pre-surgery. It had to be done, so it had to be done. No need to fight, no need to cry, no need to complain. The day it got difficult for me was when I went to Wal-Mart and stood in the adult diaper aisle trying to decide which product I needed to buy.
The hardest part though was just turning the sex switch off completely. I'm only 44 and my wife and I have had a very active sex life. Suddenly it's gone. I know sexual intimacy is only a part of a relationship, but to make love to your wife one night knowing it will be the last time for a while - maybe a long while - or God forbid, ever - that's been tough for me. I'm 3 weeks post-surgery, of course with no erections and a penis that seems to be trying to go into hiding. My dr. told me very little about the post-surgery sexual aspects, other than to say no sex for at least 6 weeks. I get the feeling that since this is typically a cancer in older men - though by this board I see there are others in my age group - it seems I'm automatically viewed as being 74 rather than 44. (And certainly, no offense is meant to anyone regarding their age and sexual ability or appetite.)
What to do next? Life must go on. Just do the next thing as you are able, based on your own healing, not trying to be in lock-step with everyone else. Talk to others to vent, to listen, and to learn. I'm glad I found this forum.
Age - 44
Biopsy - 3-31-08
Gleason 3+3 PSA 4.95
Radical Perineal Prostatectomy - 5-07-08 at the Medical University of South Carolina - Dr. Thomas Keane
Pathology - 40% of prostate was cancerous