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How do other Catholics handle intimacy with ED from RP?

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Posted 6/19/2008 6:10 AM (GMT -8)
I am looking for inputs from other catholic men that are and have been married for some time and their current dealings with intimate sex with their spouses.  The lack of normal erections makes things difficult when the libido is at a high to exercise normal IC.  Are there other avenues that are taken to satisfy the marital unitive love and intimacy required a couple?

I'm wondering what is OK under the situation with no ejaculate , no normal erections and well beyond the child bearing age.  We have been married for 41 years and the sex drive is still there.  What to do?

Thank you,

Marc

Posted 6/19/2008 8:03 AM (GMT -8)
geon,

I am not Catholic, so I probably do not understand what you are asking, but from looking at your profile, it mentions that you use injections for erections....which I presume you then use for intercourse.  Wouldn't intercourse satisfy the intimacy that you are questioning?

 

Posted 6/19/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -8)
Hi Marc,
My email is enabled and welcome you to contact me directly. I am Catholic, and understand some of what you may be feeling. Obvious to us, there are things here that may not be understood by all here, but that's OK. This disease is not religion specific, and it requires us each to deal with this in ways our religion, or non-religion allow us. For me it is difficult to discuss but I am unable to have IC due to hormone therapy and have no libido or erections.

Tony
Posted 6/19/2008 5:24 PM (GMT -8)
I to teach Catholicism and would gladly chat with you via email.

peace to you
Dale
Posted 6/19/2008 5:30 PM (GMT -8)
Catholics do it differently than the rest of us? Who knew?
Posted 6/20/2008 8:40 AM (GMT -8)
I am Catholic and have to admit that I don't understand the concerns.

Having IC is just one way to share intimacy. There are other ways.

I'm sure the folks who have offered to chat with you off-line can explain.

Good luck in getting your issues resolved.

Posted 6/20/2008 8:33 PM (GMT -8)
LOL, Swim you make me laugh. Of course we do it differently. And it takes a lot less time...LOLOL.

Seriously, perhaps a disussion with a priest is the best advice for you, geon. Truly your feelings are not wrong, or unwelcome. But offline might be better?

Tony
Posted 6/20/2008 8:42 PM (GMT -8)
Hey Geon,

From on catholic to another - do whatever it takes to get well. Take care of your quality of life any way you can and let the church take care of itself...

Jim
Posted 6/21/2008 2:27 AM (GMT -8)
I'm Irish-Catholic, Geon, and I have to say I'm in total agreement with Biker Jim on this one. I could not have said it any better myself. Do whatever you have to do my friend.

Jack
Posted 6/21/2008 4:52 AM (GMT -8)
Swim...the answer to that is yes but if I tell ya...well, we won't go there ;-)
Posted 6/22/2008 1:26 PM (GMT -8)

Swimom,

Not that we catholics do things any different then the rest of you, but there are some christian morality issues that need to be addressed for those of us Catholics recovering with ED from RP.  So to not cause a stir, these personal issues will be dealt with on a private basis unless of course you would like to know how Catholics do it?. 

I want to thank those who are catholic for stepping forward and making private conversation possible.  We are all here to support each other in one way or another aren't we?

Thanks, Marc

Posted 6/22/2008 2:52 PM (GMT -8)
Geon,

I suspect they are the same issues that pretty much all churches have...good thing we arent' talking about a church here.
Posted 6/23/2008 6:54 AM (GMT -8)
Personally, I'd love to know what I was not suppose to do.
Posted 6/23/2008 11:33 AM (GMT -8)
You know Roger . . as Catholic's ourselves I think everyone is really referring to the big "M" word . . . . however, in our honest opinion and conscience I think that "M" as a method of rehabilitation, after prostate surgery, would be just that . . .rehab and shouldn't be a concern. . . . .we are not a religion to reject medical intervention. Again, our opinion only.

;o) Linda & Bob
Posted 6/23/2008 12:17 PM (GMT -8)
Geon,
I personally am not Catholic and am not versed in whatever it is that you can or cannot do. But I do know that there are so many good people on here and from one end of the spectrum to the other..they are here to help. I know you will find your answers and we wish you all the best for a full recovery and peace with the decisions you make.
Cindy and Kent
Posted 6/23/2008 3:56 PM (GMT -8)
Is this pussifooting about matters sexual really necessary? If you read the above, 50% have no idea of the question being raised which in the poser's mind is a legitimate moral dilemma. What I gather he is asking is that given his lifelong catholic instruction (and I have been there.......I would describe myself as a thankfully lapsed catholic) he is now having to face a situation (i.e. the necessity for musturbation and/or mutual musturbation for remedial or intimate reasons arising out of medically caused ED) that brings many of those moral convictions into conflict with what he has always been taught. This pussifooting is said to be based on the notion that children of PCa sufferers may visit Healingwell. I had occasion recently to seek some information on the AIDS/HIV section of this very same Healingwell site. That forum on this site is of necessity very explicit so I do not understand why we in the PCa must at times be so vague.
Bill
Posted 6/23/2008 3:58 PM (GMT -8)
I have just read how my first post finished up and I just can not believe it. mad Therefore I have changed the spelling somewhat so at least it made sense.
Bill
Posted 6/23/2008 7:31 PM (GMT -8)
Would be at least educational for the non-Catholics to get a clear statement of what the hell we are talking about.

I always thought with m*sturbation the issue was the spilling of seed. apparently not...

Hey, National ********** Month is over, but I see no reason to stop now...
Posted 6/24/2008 5:16 AM (GMT -8)
I was a good Catholic boy: church on sunday, catholic grade school and high school, squire in the Knights of Columbus, etc... and it got to show you are never to old to learn something. Thanks BillyMac for speaking in plain english.

I'll have to do some additional research to find out what other rules I broke.

But with no seed to spill, I guess it's not a problem. Musterbation is a must for recovery after all.
Posted 6/24/2008 5:37 AM (GMT -8)

God knows we all have enough emotionally to worry about getting well, keeping positive thoughts of not having recurrence, and being strong for ourselves and others in our families.   I wish for all the ability to, without regret or additional emotional burden, enjoy whatever physical pleasure you are still able to.  Since none of us comes away in some form or another physically and or emotionally unscathed from the PCa experience, my heart goes out to those who have more to be concerned with relative to recovery than simply making the most of their post PCa treatment situation, however good or bad as it may be.

BTW, should anyone have concerns for themselves, my eyesight is still fine despite as much mutual or solo therapy as my busy schedule can accommodate :) 

Posted 6/24/2008 5:58 AM (GMT -8)

Hey team, this is some clarification and some IMHO.
I spoke to our Admin about religous discussion and also as it pertains to prostate cancer with this thread.  The reason I proposed to take it offline to Marc was merely to not stir the masses but there was really no need to do so.  This discussion is on topic for those who have to deal with treatment, side effects, and moving ahead, but struggle with how to in THEIR religous interpretation or environments.  BillyMac is insightful in his references in this thread to not only the stimulation part but there is also a question about sex and procreation, and a moral position that the Catholic and other churches are "specifically vague" about.  I personally attribute it to too little attention given and spoken about prostate cancer not only by churches in general, but our brothers as well. My conscience tells me that as long as discussion of this nature is who we are, and there is no attempts at "conversion" or or forcing ideals to other members then we are on topic to discuss it.  This can be a divisive issue if we allow it to be.  So please respect our differences and as War-Eagle Walt says, provide the understanding that this site is so strong in giving.  Marc and I have leant each other our thoughts and I believe I can easily coexist with the thoughts all expressed in this thread.

My advice to anyone feeling this same lament is that you go with your conscience. 

A note about the ill-advised reference to the 15 year old viewers I made. 
We were experiencing some discussion that was sexually illicit when I posted that reference.  In fact, it had nothing to do with an offended individual but in other areas of threads that were off topic.  I made a post that included three separate issues that should have been referenced separately.  Please forgive me, I am perfectly capable of those mistakes but I learn from them. 

To all, please don't make me regret this post?!

Tony


Posted 6/24/2008 6:09 AM (GMT -8)

Personally, the way I read the rules issue is that we should maintain a medical or clinical language when discussing sexual or ed issues.  That, to me, means no off-color joking, no off-color words used, no "guy teasing" and such.  We have discussed every side of these subjects since I have been here, and there was never anything said.  The subject and the resulting discussion was done is an adult, medical, and straightforward manner.  The recent dustup began from the start of off-color jokes, sexual innuendu and such.  That did have to be corrected before it developed into locker room antics. 

In that context, I see no problem with discussing the ethics or morality of various sex methods other than the missionary position for us.  I consider what I have had to do to rehab and retrain my body to be medically necessary, not something I would otherwise do to this extent or enjoy.  If these subjects are dealt with in an adult manner, they are a valuable and large part of needed information for all of us post-treatment guys.  There's no need to hint around, go off-line or hide between the lines what we are discussing, as far as I am concerned.  Lets just title the posts dealing with it in a clear manner so anyone looking at the threads know what is being discussed and continue sharing......

Posted 6/24/2008 8:58 AM (GMT -8)
Spilling of the seed is correct! Someone paid attention in class!


So....since the obvious (vasectomies and prostate surgery) had not been created yet and God is the one who gives man the tools he needs to be creative.......should we not be creative with the tools we have? Just my thought on the subject.

Swim
Posted 6/24/2008 11:45 AM (GMT -8)
aardvark2, the spelling substitutions are an intergal part of the main software package of the whole forum.  That's how it comes from the software company that sells it.  As such, it's really difficult, if not impossible to alter the coding for that part, I imagine, to 'fix' what some see as a defect or fault in it.  It is what it is,   sorry..............

Posted 6/24/2008 11:51 AM (GMT -8)
aardvark2,
This has never changed. I noticed it when I first arrived 19 months ago.

Tony
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